"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort










Friday, October 06, 2006

Baby You Can Drive My Car.

So Meredith on Grey's Anatomy had the ultimate fantasy last night. Two men in bed. Talk about hot. Only, skip the fantasy for me and get straight to the real life shit. I could use it right about now. CP told me last night, the only reason he hasn't left me yet, is because he knows I can make it on my own. I didn't get a because "I love you", "I'd miss you", or an "I'm a general asshole who can't get his shit together"...I got the "you're so independant I can't let you be". See what happens when you talk? Shit comes out you didn't expect to hear. Fine. I'll take that. That boy needs some serious help, and only he can do it. Nuff about the shithole that is my life as of late.

Since I love the animals, this latest find is just awesome. You can get a driver's liscense for your pet! This is the kind of shit I need to be famous for. Seriously. If I didn't have so many pets, they'd all have one of their very own. I'm not so sure that my pets would make good drivers though. My dog has dry eye, and ulcers on her eyes as a result, therefore making her partially blind. Bunnies, well, they have shitty peripheral vision, so they would likely sideswipe someone, or change lanes without being able to check traffic. And the cats? Remember toonces the driving cat on SNL?

When I'm down, one of my favorite things to do is go to the Merriam Webster website, and look up stupid words, then listen to the computer say them. Nothing makes me laugh more than making a computer say cocksucker, poop, and dickhead over and over again in such a serious voice. I'm cracking up just thinking about it. Probably the only thing more fun, is calling your friends, and leaving them voicemails of the computer saying the words. I tried to do this to Kat at lunch time, and she answered her fucking phone. ASS! At least we had a good laugh. Have I ever mentioned how easily I am amused? And, do you know what I'm going to be doing today?

Last night I skipped step aerobics as planned in an effort to shed my ass faster. I walked. Yippee skippy. I also did the treadmill sideways for a while. I'm not sure why, but I saw the Girls Next Door doing it, and since they pose nude, I figured they know what they are doing. It was really hard first off, to not fall on your face, and secondly OUCH. I really felt that in my hips and thighs though. Awesome. I'm glad I did it, since I broke my own rules, and weighed myself last night. If I gained a few pounds, I could have a perfectly healthy other person living inside of me. I think I've been in denial about that possibility for a long time. That makes me want to puke. I'm starting two-a-day workouts this weekend. I did it before, I can do it again. Two people. You heard me right.

6 comments:

Bianca Roland said...

Re your third paragraph: You might just be a teenaged boy. ;)

diane said...

Ha! I have 2 kitties, one very shy and one very outgoing & smart. I immediately thought of Toonces and imagined outgoing kitty taking shy kitty for a drive. :)

supplymadam said...

If you get a driver's license for your pet will that increase you car insurance rate?
I gotta check out that Meriam Webster talking dictionary,I never used that part of it. What a riot!

Janet said...

My friend and I used to LOVE Toonces. Granted we were just kids and it was pure silliness, but it was so much fun!:)

Mon said...

Bianca:
yes, the stupidest shit makes me laugh.

Diane:
That's a good visiual!

Supplymadam:
I bet it would triple! Their probably bad drivers.

Janet:
That brought back some memories, watching the clip.

R said...

Toonces was great. And the fact that cat made before going over the cliff...too funny! The best was they acted as if a driving cat was normal! That's funny about the dictionary. My sis in law had a talking parrot on her computer that would say what ever you typed in. I like that website to thesaurus this guy at work's ass. He is always using the word wrong and I think that is funny shit!