I love the department of motor vehicles!

As stated last week, I made the big trek to the BMV and got my liscense reinstated, and my plates back from the horrid drunk plates. (I feel sorry for people who visit Ohio from NY, just so you know, everyone thinks you are a drunk because of your plates)



I had some trouble with the girl trying to tell me I couldn't have my old plates, and she had to make phone calls and do her job. If you are in training, you pretty much shouldn't be left alone on a busy Saturday to your own devices!



When I got my liscense I asked, don't I need to fill anything out? " No, its a duplicate liscense, you dont fill anything out." Guess who got a letter in the mail yesterday from the BMV stating that they have some new people and unfortunatly they made a mistake and I need to go back and provide proof of who I am.



So, if you live in the Fairlawn area and you'd like a new identity apparently it's pretty easy to get one at the BMV there. Oh, it's not an inconvenience at all that I have to go back. I don't have to wait in line, simply present my letter at the desk. I mean, what else could I ask for? Money for the gas it will cost me to make an extra trip?



(here's where I become my mother) I'm going to write Columbus and tell them what a bunch of dickwads they have working there, and how much of an inconvenience they have made this entire process. I doubt I get anything out of it, other than the satisfaction that someone will feel the need to call me a bitch, and pass around my letter for the day. And...that's ok.

Just a Dream...

I can't get enough of this new Nelly song. I think its my official song. Too bad I don't get the official paycheck from said song sales. Or better yet, number of times its played, because I alone, would pay my annual salary in song playage. Love.

I got two whole hours of sleep last night. I might have to break down and take my sleeping prescription.

Maybe being in a trazadone fog is better than not sleeping. I can feel sick coming on from it.

Wait, wasn't I just sick for 8 weeks? Yes. Yes, I was, and it was awesome!

I'm covering the windows this weekend w/plastic. I know you wish you were me. I really...really miss having a man around sometimes. Yes, I can do it. Yes, I ALWAYS do it..but I would just rather hold the scissors and tape, and tell him he looks cute or something. Manual labor equals the suckage!

Speaking of single, I feel like everyones token single girl. Like everyone wants to hook me up with every single person they know. Like I'm the last single girl on earth. Like I'm some oddity people just have to see...it makes me feel used. Sorta. I'm 100% uninterested in anyone right now. I'm on hiatus! officially. When the universe is ready to send me love it will. I keep telling folks I'm not ready.

Like, moving on with someone else just makes it all go away. I think I proved that theory wrong already. It's still here.

If theres one thing I'm good at, it's getting dumped!..

Yes, yes. I got dumped again. I really am starting to get a complex. Sort of. I mean, honestly, I cried a little bit about it, but mostly, my heart wasn't in it anyway. And he was looking for a reason to stay with me and I couldn't really give him one.

What happened this time. Well "it's not you its me" would probably fit here. The guys been single for like 5 years and he just wasn't ready. When he mentioned that he didn't feel "100%" that things would work out w/us, asked what I thought...and I said "I just spent the last three years with a guy who wasn't sure he was ready, and we had a good relationship, we were in love...I can't do it again".

Furthermore, new guy said we had too much sex. Um. firstively, this isn't the first time I've heard this from a man, but it never ceases to shock the shit out of me. Secondly, I really don't remember having to force myself on him thankyouverymuch.

He admitted, nothing may ever feel 100% to him, and thats on him, I'm an awesome girl and he likes hanging out with me and we have a lot of fun, blah. bliddy blah blah.

When you give up the universe will bring you love, right? I dunno, but I give up. Not on finding love, but that love will find me, and I'm not going out of my way to find it.

What's Normal...

I duno who gets to decide normal. But Oprah had a show all about it. Like it's normal to pick your nose 5 times a day, because so many people do it. Is normal what most people do? What if all those nose pickers are retarded? Are they still normal? I mean, who decides these things?

I think its us. We are our own survey of normal.

I'm trying to determine when I make the turn from...

"I'm just feeling my feelings"

to....

"maybe I'm pathetic"

Of course, this stems from a miriad of things. Much which I havn't blogged about, but I'm goin thru some giant crap other than man/relationship things, and spending a lot of time on my own as a result.

Alone gives you time to think. Unless you drink your thoughts away, but I think my liver says that's not normal, and the first three months of me and exassholemanfriend's break up is proof of that.

Things I've tried:

1. Crying. Lots.
2. Sobbing and crying. Lots.
3. Turning sadness into anger. Replacing I miss him, or I love him with I hate him, and he's dead to me.
4. Drinking wine.
5. Revenge ie; keeping things he left at my house that he asked for back but doesn't deserve.
6. Drinking vodka
7. Revenge ie; maybe someone took his grill from his house, that I know nothing about.
8. Drinking a 6 pack of beer as shots. which is awesome
9. Thinking he died
10. Imagining feeding him poop. I think of this alot. And really, its the only thought which brings me joy when it comes to him
11. Crying
12. Dating someone else
13. Drinking. Lots. Until I pass out. this works for a while but you get tired of hangovers, it costs a bundle, and eventually, you gotta be drunk all day to not think, and luckily I'm gainfully employed.
14. Ignoring that I have feelings
15. Positive thought...."I use to turn the right blinker on to turn right when exasshole manfriend was in the car" *sob* into..."someone else will appreciate the way I signal my intent to turn"
16. Giving up everything "we" did together. Besides sex. Because, I'm not stupid.
17. Revenge ie; wiping your butt with the boxers you gave back to him.

Honestly, I have no clue what else to do. I've never been in this predicament. I've had plenty to hate about my old boyfriends. Plenty to look forward to, because let's face it they were all losers.

But I guess if after 5 months I'm finally starting to question if my missing him is bordering on being a little obsessive, maybe it is.

Maybe being a cat lady isn't so bad.

My g g generation...

I use to be annoyed by old people. But latley I have a new appreciation for them. Mainly because they make me believe men still care about taking care of women.

No, don't pay my bills, or wipe my mouth, or tell me what TV I can or can't watch or what to wear. Rather, hold my hand on the inside of the road not the outside, so if I fall off the sidewalk I'm not hit by a car. Help me over ditches, open jars and bottles for me, and offer to change a tire, carry something heavy, or kiss me on the forehead.

I find nothing more attractive than being treated like a lady.

A couple weeks ago I'm in the grocery line and an old man in front of me started unloading my cart for me. I thanked him profusely. How sweet was that?

And Saturday, an old man with a cane at the circle K said "well helllllloooo beautiful, your man must sure be proud of you" I simply said "thank you sir".

Guys my age would never pay you a public compliment without trying to be skeevy, it would probably include something about "tapping that ass" too. And they certainly wouldn't unpack your grocery cart, just to be nice, they'd expect your number or something and when you refuse, they'd call you a stuck up bitch.

Sometimes I wish I were part of another generation. Mine kinda makes me sick. I hate to hear about the abuse, the neglect, the general disrespect men seem to have for women.

I just want to be loved the way that I love. Fully and unconditionally.

I love fairy tales!!...

Once upon a time there was a girl, who was putting her laundry away, not terribly long after having her heart ripped out by a MASShole. (I'm bringing this back!)

She came across a pair of his boxers, that she use to love to wear, and had since their very first week of dating.

Then, she went out of her way to wipe her ass with them before she threw them away. True story.

That girl, might need a lesson on...moving on, but I bet inside she felt pretty good for a second.

You might not be "over it" if...

1) You picture bashing his face in

2) You picture running him over with your car

3) The thought of him fills you with rage

4) You wish his dick would fall off from some non disease realted issue (unless said issue was acquired after you broke up)

5) You come up with many -isms, and relate every bad person, or bad situation to his name in some way.

6) You dream on more than one occasion that you may have stuffed him in a trunk

7) You are happy he is dating someone, and cheating on them

8) You want to bash his face in. I said that? oh....

9) You found a pair of his boxers in your underwear drawer, and you actually went out of your way to wipe your ass with them before throwing them away.

10)

Beer Goggles...

I had such an amazing weekend. Friday the drive in and dinner with the girls. Saturday shopping for myself (a size smaller top!). A spa party where I had my first manicure...ever (im so deprived). And a girls night out in the valley.

Sunday and Monday, recuperate. I didn't even go out Sunday night, I spent it with my Momma.

I woke up Sunday morning thinking I had so much fun. Me and a girlfriend were up until around 4 am after the bars, chatting. (eating taco bell...bye bye no carbs for 3 wks grrrr) Then I got a text message. From a number, I didn't have in my phone book.

"hey fizzgig, I hope you had a great night, I really enjoyed meeting you, have a great fourth" Oh yea, I met a boy. When we first got to the second bar, "jimmy" greeted us at the door. I'm pretty sure "jimmy" was like, 21 or something and kept bragging how buying us drinks was nothing to him. Whatever, Jimmy, thanks for the vodka and soda! Jimmy invited us to a party at his buddys amazing house, but we passed.

Later, an old coworker showed up with her boyfriend, and a friend. Ah, yes. This said friend, is the boy who texted me. His name? Still escapes me. I remember him mentioning coming home with me, even if jokingly, I didn't find it funny, and told him I'm not that kind of girl. He was nice, he walked me to the bathroom and stuff to make sure I was "safe". Obviously we had fun, and had some laughs. He bought me a couple drinks. But I didn't remember much else.

Pictures! I had my camera!

I'm not like, Jessica Alba or anything, but this guy? Uh....all I can say is beer goggles are a real and true thing. I'm all for dating people I don't find attractive, I'm not that shallow...but there has to be something. I think he was probably like in his mid 40s, and people think I'm 25.

On top of this guy, one of my brothers high school friends asked me out. The fact that none of this excites me, is a sure fired sign that I'm just not ready to move on yet. I don't want a rebound. I don't want a "right now". I want that feeling you get when someone you love, loves you back so much you can feel it through each others skin. I know it exists. I had it for a moment, but it was a lie.

I still cried over that asshole yesterday, for what he did to us. Mostly, because I had no idea he was such a complete and total shithead, and thought he loved me as much as I loved him. He fooled everyone, not just me. Completely and totally bamboozled.

How does one trust their judgment ever again? I don't want to be closed off from love, but it scares me.

As If I needed another reason...

So, obviously I dated a sociopath for years. They are good liars. This is my new word, thanks to Kourtney and Khloe take Miami. (Hi, I'm exmanfriend...Glibness and Superficial Charm, Manipulative and Conning, Grandiose Sense of Self, Pathological Lying, Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt, Shallow Emotions, Need for Stimulation, Callousness/Lack of Empathy, Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature, Irresponsibility/Unreliability, Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity, Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle, Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them, Extreme narcissism)

Another reason to be thankful exmanfriend dumped me with that lame ass letter, is the fact that yes, he is dating this skank that he cheated on me with. (shocker!) who also had a boyfriend at the time. (she's one classy chick....obvy!) Who if I were childish, I'd post her picture so you could see how uncute she really is. (boys...why do you never trade UP???)

Even further, he is still active on our mutual dating sight, while parading said girlfriend around his friends and family.

If I didn't think she deserved to be strung along, and pummeled in the stomach with her own dear john letter one day when he finds what he "really wants" I would warn her.

But then, no one warned me. Sorry bout your luck!

What a girl Wants...

I know what I want. I don't think it makes me picky. But I'm worried exmanfriend has ruined me forever. Then I wonder if its that, or do I just know what I want?

I want to be crazy about someone who is crazy about me. I want to get excited when they call, or at the prospect of seeing each other. I want them to think I'm the bees knees, and they can't wait to take me out, and introduce me to their friends. I want to be spontanious and grab each others rumps, and flirt and be cute together. I want to know how someone feels. I think in the beginning, these things come natural.

For me, it lasted almost three years. These things never waned for us.

So, I refuse to waste time with someone who has mediocore feelings, or calls me sporadically, or pretends to like me but never takes me out in public. I refuse to think I'm being picky, or comparing people to exmanfriend. I just know what I want.

Right?

I want someone to have all these things with me, and recognize how special they are, and that they don't come along so easily, and therefore, don't let me go. The bad part about having an amazing relationship, is moving on. And for that, I don't know if I can forgive him. He let it go, and I should hate him for that.

I've never had trouble before, because the relationships were ultimately crap, and I recognize that, and move on. But how do you move on, when you had nothing wrong?

Except of course, that the asshole you were with, is afraid of happiness and sabotages everything good in his life?

Speaking of which, several of exmanfriends friends have chatted w/me on facebook. Nothing about the asshole, just how they miss me, and how I'm the best he ever had, and how they want to hang out sometime. Funny....I don't see my friends doing the same to him. I know I'm a catch, and so does everyone else.

He deserves whatever misery he brings on himself. Bastard.

Sidelined...

There comes a time in everyones life, when you don't listen to your body, or a Dr. and you end up screwing yourself in the end, right? (tell me I'm not the only one...)

I've been on this mission for working out more remember, lose 20lbs in 7 wks. Like, 8 months ago or so, I had been to the dr with a stress fracture. All he said is no more running, ice it, stay off it, elevate, asperin. I had to pay for the same advice I googled before going.

So, I didn't listen because I like to eat, and if I don't workout the way I do I gain weight. Period. I think I listened for a week, and then spent probably a month working my way back to the same pace as pre-injury. I don't understand how this all works.

(you know, 6 months to lose 10 lbs, 1 week to gain it. A year to run 4 miles, a week to lose the ability)

So, all is well until last week when I upped workouts to two a day, my toes were numb after running. Hm. Whatever.

I did the trail on Sunday with a girlfriend. I rarely run outside, I'm use to the cushioned deck of a treadmill. I ran some outside, on the trail, and the gravel.

Sure enough, Sunday night my foot is throbbing. It hurts to put on my sneakers. I'm doing the bicycle instead of running, but it doesnt even match my heart rate I normally get, and I'm pedaling as fast as I can for endurance, without pooping out from such a hard level.

I'm so irritated with myself. NOW WHAT? I gave up (bad) carbs, I'm so pissy, I can barely stand myself!

And since I'm ticked off, I'm throwing in an "i hate the exmanfriend" for good measure. Because I'm an awesome person and he totally screwed up!

Love Fern...

You go along thinking things are just fine with a break up, and while you are standing in the express lane checkout at Giant Eagle, with your eggs, turkey burgers, and whole grain wraps, you spot a fern.

And you start to cry, because you remember exassholemanfriend had ferns, and you helped pick out the hangers for the ferns at his place, and potted them for him, and how they died. Now, those hangers hold your golden pothos in your new apartment. Hung there by exassholemanfriend. Perfectly measured, as only the asshole could do.

A week ago, I perused my ex husbands, cousins facebook. I looked at her pictures, and saw all his cousins grown up, all his aunts and uncles, and of course, him, and his new (especially skanky) wife. We were together for 7 years, divorced now, almost 11, and it was the first time I'd looked in on the family in that way for a long time.

And I didn't in the tiniest way feel any sadness for what we had. I spent my entire high school life with him, and my early 20's. And...I don't miss him. Despite his apology last year. He was horrible to me and our marriage was toxic, but getting over it was very, very hard.

And it gives me hope. I will be happy with someone again. And that someone wont simply "change his mind" about moving in with me, and throw away everything we have, simply because he is afraid. He was a liar. And he lied about what he wanted.

I know it will happen. But until then, I cry when I find one of his socks in my drawer. Or hear someone say they like pancakes, or see an update from orange julius on my facebook (i have since deleted this one) or any other completely random and stupid thing in the world that all seems to lead back to HIM. It's better than being full of hate, and holding on to negativity.

I'll cry until they don't make me cry anymore, and I stop wondering if he too, finds my socks and feels the same way. Being heartless must have its advantages.

The Dating Pond...Part Two...

After seeing he scared me, he told me he wasn't a violent person, and he'd never hit a girl, after he told me yet another story of "beating someone up". I said that given my past history with abusive men, I wasn't comfortable with someone who has violent tendencies. He said again he isn't violent to which I said "you dont consider those things violent?" He said I guess they were.
But I'm a changed man.

I'm all for changing, I'm a totally different woman from the crazy girl I was in my 20's. And I cheated once in my life, and it never crossed my mind to do so again, so people aren't defined by their actions. But you do get a feeling when someone's genuinley "changed".

He told me I am very pretty and I look just like my pictures. I said why wouldn't I? He said a lot of people do things to their pictures and they dont look the same at all. I'm thinking....oh you mean like you did?

Other red flags consisted of saying he liked one thing, and when I said I didn't he changed his mind to "not really liking it". I don't want someone to morph me, I want someone who knows who they are. Joking around about putting roofies in my drink, saying he'd like to see a lot more of me...in a pervy way, asking me if he got on the floor like his dog would I pet him, and so on.

When the night progressed, I sat on the far end of the couch. All the while he feel deeper in love with me (maybe not love, but he was totally taken by me...and kept telling me) And when I had to leave, I gave him a hug and dodged a kiss. He leaned in to kiss me then when I got in my car and I gave him a peck.

I'm just not feeling it. I don't expect the same bells and whistles I had with exassholemanfriend, because I know everything is different, but I'm also not going to ignore red flags. And, I want to be nuts in love with someone I can't keep my hands off of. I need that attraction to each other, along with the flirtiness, and love, and everything tied up with a bow!

Exassholemanfriend isn't the only man who will want me, and neither is this wackadoodle. I havn't had every man come back to me and apologize for leaving me because I'm a shitty girlfriend, its because I pick shitty guys. One of these days they wont have to come back, because they wont leave in the first place.

I know my prince is still out there, swimming with all the other frogs. And when the time is right he will come out to be kissed.

Meanwhile, happiness is NOT getting online and seeing your exassholemanfriend in your "compatibility matches" even though you block him, and he supposedly blocked you. It's like a knife to the heart every day I log on there. To read the things he is looking for, and know that I was that person for so long, and he simply "changed his mind". He is completely fucked up in the head. And I hope he's having shitty luck on his dating adventure, because he deserves it.

I don't care about the karma on that one.

Lock Down...

I've been broke, so that means I havn't been able to rely on alchohol to sleep for days. Um, this means that I can't sleep. And I am being forced to deal with my hateful feelings.

Instead, I lay and think about how much I hate exmanfriend. I don't mean, I'm sad about him hurting me. I mean, full on hate. This is not me at all, and I have no idea how to get rid of it. I've never hated someone so much. I mean, the way he did it, yes...but the fact that he did it at all fills me up with anger.

I dream about killing him. I dream about being together, and instead of waking up sad I wake up angry. I toss and turn all night.

I had a 7 year shitty relationship with my ex husband, and he didn't summon this much hate in me. I think because the relationship was crap.

There was nothing wrong w/me and exmanfriend, and its the first time in my 34 years I thought I found "the one" and it was it for me. Without a doubt, trusted it 100%. That has never happened.

I push bad thoughts out of my head the second they come in, and the second after that, they come back. I visualize myself in white light, but two seconds later I see his stupid mug, or hear some bullshit thing he said to me.

Some maniac has hijacked my brain and I don't know how to get it back. I've never felt this angry before.

I think I should probably be locked up for a while and not leave the house. Who knows what this hateful me is capeable of, but my thoughts sometimes scare me. Its very uncharacteristic. I need a spiritual anema.

Singled Out..

I'm not the only single girl in the world. I know this. But at 34, it gets increasingly harder to be single. Not that I'm dying on my own, or I just cant function..but its different for different social circles.

All my friends are in relationships, or married, or have kids. Or, they all have some reason not to like one another, so getting everyone together is no longer possible either. I have to divy up my time with different groups of people. Which...sucks.

This leaves little girl time. I try to fill my time up with available friends whenever I can, but those times are few and far between.

My life consists mainly of work, working out, and cleaning up poop, pee, and pet hair. And rearranging my furniture and plants. I mean, I went through my self discovery time a few years back, and I'm happy with the result, so um. Now what? I'm always learning about myself, I meditate, I listen to self help books, so what am I suppose to do?

I don't see anything wrong with meeting people. I don't think my Mr. Right will come to my door and knock to get in. I have to get out, see and be seen, and when the right one comes along I'll know. I told the universe, no more frogs. I've had enough. I want my prince!

How I'm becoming my mother 45,678 I'm going to tell you that I started drinking fiber, which is my new attempt at appetite control, and its working swimmingly. It fills you up so you eat less.

Project? Lose the 30 lbs I've been trying to lose for years.

Solo...

It's not so bad I guess being single. I'm independent enough to not be devastated. But the worst part is the weekend days that I am use to spending with the person I love. I miss waking up smiling, morning sex, joking around and cuddling and making breakfast in our pjs. Being comfortable enough to do my silly dances, and laugh until I cry over the stupidest things. I am really good in a great relationship. But, I'm also pretty great on my own.



I don't know that guys miss the same things. But for me, he was more than a great love, he was a good friend, that I spent a lot of time with. That part is especially hard to let go. (I'm NOT going to cry) But the truth is he didnt deserve me. I know my worth. And I know that a good man will appreciate all I have to offer, and my generous heart, and not run for the hills at the first sign of potential happiness.



Prospects? Well, I wouldnt say that dating is like a job, but trying to find someone WORTH dating seems like so much work. I've never dated. I always find someone I click with and the rest is history. I've been pretty lucky that way, and I'm a really likeable girl. The thought of wasting my time meeting people really troubles me. But I guess thats how this whole thing works.



I'm talking to a bunch of guys, but just online in the first stages. This is after weeding out the 19 and 50 year olds, and all the wackadoo's from other states, who really want to meet me. Uh, yea, maybe on the web cam ya perv!

They really havn't gone anywhere. In the way that you can tell obviously these guys are talking to lots of people, and make the rounds once or twice a week. And so many guys have kids. I mean seriously? Usually dads have weekends, then what about me? I'm not kid friendly so I don't even know where to go with these guys.



I keep going back and forth with contacting the guy I was seeing after my last break up, because I really enjoyed spending time with him....we laugh and have a great time together, but then I wonder if thats moving back instead of ahead.

The only thing wrong with him (at the time) was he wasn't exnotamanfriend. I'm fighting the urge to contact him because I don't want it to be because I'm lonley. I can be alone, that was the biggest setback with me and the ex. I am ok alone, and he was not. If you dont enjoy your own company, somethings wrong there!



Meanwhile, I've been going out as much as I can with friends, trying to fill my wknds with activities, and reorganizing my apartment. I don't need someone to love, I just want one. I don't feel lost without it..but I do feel a hole. But then...I don't want to be a "insert ex assholes last name here" and jump into another relationship, before I'm over this one. That never works.

I'm 99% sure I'm going to start hearing all sorts of truths about him. Theres more to this whole story, changing your mind is pretty lame.

Im OK You're OK...

Have you ever wanted to bash someones head in? I guess I don't take rejection very well at all. I mean, perhaps if I were a total bitch and treated people like crap I could say...well, maybe I deserved that for being a turd of a human being.

But, I'm spectacular.

I think its bad when one, you dont sleep for 2 weeks, and two, you start dreaming about chopping someones head off. All. The. Time.

It's gotten so bad, that I took it as a sign when I woke up this morning and the Dalai Lama was on the Today Show talking about happiness. I need to let it go. I've been holding on to anger, to keep from having a melt down. But the anger is causing me much more strife than sadness ever did.

Yes, I was happy. We were happy. What I will take from all of this is that I can have everything I want in a person. I had always settled before, this time, I was crazy in love, and would do anything for him, of my own free will. I was the girl I always wished I could be. I know I can be, and I can have everything, and that's what I take from it.

I havn't been ready to meet my Mr. Right yet, I had more to learn. But I believe I'm getting there!

I can't worry that he is going to date other girls, and eventually, blame them when he can't stay faithful, or happy because he has nothing in his life for himself. He has no direction. When he can't blame distance on a relationship not working, maybe he will finally start looking inside himself. But I doubt it. It's easier to blame others. I spent many...many years there myself.

Me? I'll be ok. I cry. I laugh. I daydream about kicking him in the nads. I'm confused, I'm disgusted. I hate the whole trying to date thing. But this is the life I've been given and I have no choice but to live it, and make the best of it, or be miserable. I'm not a miserable person.

But what I do know for sure (Oprah moment) is that if I came so close to having everything I wanted, the next step can't possibly be a bad one. I'm carrying on being the same girl I love, the silly, sunny, optimistic one that no one can change.

I wont look back with regret. I didn't hurt that boy, he hurt me. And I am strong enough to start letting it go. So, I don't take it into the next relationship. I wouldn't want to be a "insert assholes last name here". (thats my new catch phrase for people who lead you on, or bring their baggage into a realtionship, or are crazy in general. It makes me feel better. Shut up)

Law Abiding Citizen....

As an upstanding citizen, I decided, that if I knew someone was breaking the law, I should most definatley report it.

Stealing cable is against the law. As stated on the cable website "You have to pay for it why shouldn't they?"

Yea. And I pay $75 a month. Living on your own, means, paying all the bills.

So I reported a cable theft. I mean, its been near six months of stealing.

Meanwhile, his stuff is currently soaking up four days of rain in my back yard. He knows its there, so, his bad.

Happy 2 Months of Freedom!

I try to be positive, so this is my title. 2 months today, since the big break up w/TWDSO.

What bothers me more is that I'm certain he isnt sitting around, thinking about how today is 2 months since we broke up! So, why am I? I dont want to devote too much time to those we dont speak of, because Ive been trying to look ahead, and not behind!

I just never had an explanation as to why we broke up, just that we had no future. Who says that?

The concept of breaking up never came up. We didnt even have fights! Well, we just wouldn't talk. I guess that's sort of the same...huh? Im not devastated, but hurt. Maybe that's a sign? I mean, we DID live together. And the thought of sex with him kinda grossed me out. I think I'm just lonley. lol

I can't wait to meet the man I cant live without! I do miss that excitement. I just need to get my own things handled first! .....*sings* 'if i were a rich girl, nah nah nah...........'