"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Friday, October 15, 2010

What's Normal...

I duno who gets to decide normal. But Oprah had a show all about it. Like it's normal to pick your nose 5 times a day, because so many people do it. Is normal what most people do? What if all those nose pickers are retarded? Are they still normal? I mean, who decides these things?

I think its us. We are our own survey of normal.

I'm trying to determine when I make the turn from...

"I'm just feeling my feelings"


"maybe I'm pathetic"

Of course, this stems from a miriad of things. Much which I havn't blogged about, but I'm goin thru some giant crap other than man/relationship things, and spending a lot of time on my own as a result.

Alone gives you time to think. Unless you drink your thoughts away, but I think my liver says that's not normal, and the first three months of me and exassholemanfriend's break up is proof of that.

Things I've tried:

1. Crying. Lots.
2. Sobbing and crying. Lots.
3. Turning sadness into anger. Replacing I miss him, or I love him with I hate him, and he's dead to me.
4. Drinking wine.
5. Revenge ie; keeping things he left at my house that he asked for back but doesn't deserve.
6. Drinking vodka
7. Revenge ie; maybe someone took his grill from his house, that I know nothing about.
8. Drinking a 6 pack of beer as shots. which is awesome
9. Thinking he died
10. Imagining feeding him poop. I think of this alot. And really, its the only thought which brings me joy when it comes to him
11. Crying
12. Dating someone else
13. Drinking. Lots. Until I pass out. this works for a while but you get tired of hangovers, it costs a bundle, and eventually, you gotta be drunk all day to not think, and luckily I'm gainfully employed.
14. Ignoring that I have feelings
15. Positive thought...."I use to turn the right blinker on to turn right when exasshole manfriend was in the car" *sob* into..."someone else will appreciate the way I signal my intent to turn"
16. Giving up everything "we" did together. Besides sex. Because, I'm not stupid.
17. Revenge ie; wiping your butt with the boxers you gave back to him.

Honestly, I have no clue what else to do. I've never been in this predicament. I've had plenty to hate about my old boyfriends. Plenty to look forward to, because let's face it they were all losers.

But I guess if after 5 months I'm finally starting to question if my missing him is bordering on being a little obsessive, maybe it is.

Maybe being a cat lady isn't so bad.


Carolyn G said...

I know I shouldn;t laugh but this post made me laugh. Hang in there, it gets better. If not, do more revengy things because that always made me feel better.

Fizzgig said...

except that i believe in karma....and maybe the reason im so crappy is cus of revenge lol

MzAriez said...

My bestie has a little streak to her. After the jerk screwed up and left her house, she gathered his things in a garbage bag and....peed in his shoes, wiped his hat on the dog pee pads, ripped the butt seams on all him pants and emptied his ashtray in the garbage bag. When he returned with police, she handed them the bag and they gave it to him. We watched from the window as they shined a flashlight for him to go over his stuff on the sidewalk. Next, they told him to leave. We laughed that night.

mylittlebecky said...

yuck, yuck, yuck. sometimes, though, you have to go allllll the way down before you come back up.

also, i really liked your happy post about your animals. when i was going through some shit, my mom pulled me back by saying, "nobody would take care of that dog the way you do." and it's true, she's got it pretty good. :)

Fizzgig said...

mz: right, it makes you feel a bit better. But i guess the best revenge is that i know he is hurting too, and that he did it to himself, thats gotta suck.

true true!
yes, animals are the bestest! and my mom said the same about me, my 14YO shitzu is super stinky no matter how much you bath her, and she has to wear a diaper if i have company cus if im not eagle eye she pees on the floor. but i still love her to bits!

someone will love that about me!

Misty said...

Holy Crap! I'm feeling absolutely awesome about my life now. Are you from Oklahoma by any chance?