"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


It's not so bad I guess being single. I'm independent enough to not be devastated. But the worst part is the weekend days that I am use to spending with the person I love. I miss waking up smiling, morning sex, joking around and cuddling and making breakfast in our pjs. Being comfortable enough to do my silly dances, and laugh until I cry over the stupidest things. I am really good in a great relationship. But, I'm also pretty great on my own.

I don't know that guys miss the same things. But for me, he was more than a great love, he was a good friend, that I spent a lot of time with. That part is especially hard to let go. (I'm NOT going to cry) But the truth is he didnt deserve me. I know my worth. And I know that a good man will appreciate all I have to offer, and my generous heart, and not run for the hills at the first sign of potential happiness.

Prospects? Well, I wouldnt say that dating is like a job, but trying to find someone WORTH dating seems like so much work. I've never dated. I always find someone I click with and the rest is history. I've been pretty lucky that way, and I'm a really likeable girl. The thought of wasting my time meeting people really troubles me. But I guess thats how this whole thing works.

I'm talking to a bunch of guys, but just online in the first stages. This is after weeding out the 19 and 50 year olds, and all the wackadoo's from other states, who really want to meet me. Uh, yea, maybe on the web cam ya perv!

They really havn't gone anywhere. In the way that you can tell obviously these guys are talking to lots of people, and make the rounds once or twice a week. And so many guys have kids. I mean seriously? Usually dads have weekends, then what about me? I'm not kid friendly so I don't even know where to go with these guys.

I keep going back and forth with contacting the guy I was seeing after my last break up, because I really enjoyed spending time with him....we laugh and have a great time together, but then I wonder if thats moving back instead of ahead.

The only thing wrong with him (at the time) was he wasn't exnotamanfriend. I'm fighting the urge to contact him because I don't want it to be because I'm lonley. I can be alone, that was the biggest setback with me and the ex. I am ok alone, and he was not. If you dont enjoy your own company, somethings wrong there!

Meanwhile, I've been going out as much as I can with friends, trying to fill my wknds with activities, and reorganizing my apartment. I don't need someone to love, I just want one. I don't feel lost without it..but I do feel a hole. But then...I don't want to be a "insert ex assholes last name here" and jump into another relationship, before I'm over this one. That never works.

I'm 99% sure I'm going to start hearing all sorts of truths about him. Theres more to this whole story, changing your mind is pretty lame.


Teena in Toronto said...

I loved being single.

Instead of rushing in with someone else so soon, why not relax and take some time for yourself?

Fizzgig said...

it does have its moments! I had my fun though, I thoroughly enjoyed my single-ness when I was 25. But almost 10 years later, I have to enjoy it again. Its better than being miserable!

MzAriez said...

Are you getting the people from Nigeria??? They say the live in Akron, but don't. Can't they realize that their English is off? "i likes. walks the park.i thinks you beautiful.and good persons." WTF. They disappear after I tell them I have forwarded their information to my cousin who investigates fraud and other things.

But, I have made some good friends off there. I guess you can find a few decent apples in the whole crazy barrel. I am talking to one now and hope his freak flag is reasonable when I see it. Guess we will see.

Good luck!