"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort










Friday, June 01, 2007

I never Said I didn't have control issues....

I'm off this weekend. I get to clean my house. And try to break into my brother's house and clean his shit-hole. He doesn't want anyone in there. For a reason. Like I said it's a shit-hole. You can't imagine the meaning of the word, and if I didn't think it would embaress him (hell, it would embaress me) I'd post pictures. But, I wont. He'd for sure make good on that childhood promise to kill me. We were real close can you tell?

He made it thru surgery. Mom called to talk to him, and mentioned that a Dr. Pervy had gone to see him in to one of the nurses. They said who? We call this guy my brother knows, Dr. Pervy because he is a Dr. and in fact, a pervert. Mom thought that was his name. For real.

So, I like my structure, to do what I want on the occassion I have a day off. I planned to clean my closets and maybe have a fire. I have to get all that shit done this weekend because my brother is going to have to stay with me a few days. I might be a super-betch because, I don't want two men's up in my crib. Messing things up. Leaving their shit all over. Eating up all my food. Of which I'm on a strict $30 a week budget. Invading my space, so I can't workout comfortably in my sportsbra. Or watch my TV. Or, be comfy on my own couch. Well, the exes couch that I stole. Same difference.

I think most people would think it's horrible of me to say that, but I don't care what most people say. I have control problems, and having two people in my house sucking up my electric while I'm steadily working two jobs pisses me off. Mostly, me not being around to tell them what to do and what not to do pisses me off. I'm a freaking mess. Wish me luck with this whole situation. The universe is testing me. Because I don't like to care for people, yet I say I want to have compassion. I figure I'll do it on my own time. I think people are mostly dumb fucks who don't try to do anything for themselves, so why should I do it for them? No one does it for me.

See why you're so glad I'm not YOUR sister? It's not that I don't want him there. It's just that it's too many people. And I'm not there. Um, like I said, controlling things.

3 comments:

Janet said...

How funny would that have been if your mom called him Dr. Pervy to his face? Even funnier, I'll bet the nurses call him something similar!

EC said...

I'm so with you though - i understand completely!! I barely like having my own child in my home nevermind another adult human being! I'm very regimented in what I do during the day, and I like my control, I like everythign exactly where I put it... and so forth. No wonder I'm getting divorced ;)

Mon said...

Janet:
He doesnt hide his perviness!

EC:
That's the ultimate reason I got divorced too. I put up with the lies and the drugs, and the cheating, but he couldn't handle my controllng bitchiness. men are so weak!