Boy, you can sure tell that school's out. There is just too many people out in the world when school's out. Does it make me old that I don't remember what the hell I did when I was out of school forever? I mean, I remember going on my "senior parade" where you write "94 rulz" and "Seniors" on your car windows with a bar of soap, tie toilet paper, and streamers to your windshield wipers, and drive around your school, beeping your horn with friends hanging out the windows and screaming. I just don't remember anything else. How sad is that? I know I didn't go out and toss my friends into street signs. That's for sure.
You think I'm making that up, don't you? Saturday night's been busy at the old police station. I had some guy come in for a domestic violence charge. Did you know, it's not domestic violence if you aren't married, divorced, have a child, or living together. Otherwise it's an "assault" charge. Had a hit and run, A couple bar fights, some mischeivious teenagers terrorizing a neighborhood - throwing each other into street signs. I think the kids are hopped up on the crack, or Oxy, or whatever the kids are doing these days. I mean picture it. "Ok steve, now, I'm gonna run, and you grab me, and throw me into that stop sign! It'll be bitchin!" And this was all before midnight! I can hardly wait to see what kind of drunks they haul in.
Friday night some dick was brought in on a DUI. He drove over the median left of center, crossed traffic in the opposite direction, off the road, and into an embankment, and into some woods. Dude was drunk. They had him in the back forever. A cab came for him, and had to wait around for him. When they brought the dude out, the officer told the cabby that if he drove him home, he'd have to sign a paper taking responsibility for him. When he said he was willing to do that, the dick didn't say anything. Personally, you'd never catch me signing custody for some drunk-ass stranger. But, whatever.
Dick's Mom shows up. Dick's like, 30 something, OK? When Dick tells the cabby he'll pay him for his trouble, he turns to the cop and calls him a liar. Dick proceeds to fight with him, because Dick claims the officer told him, a family member had to pick him up. Cop put the smack down on Dick, and told him to shut up, and not to act like he's bad because his Mommy was there now.
If he wanted to continue with his attitude, they could discuss it behind bars. Oh, snap! Dick didn't take the hint, and kept saying stupid shit like, "yea, it would be a pretty good night if you hadn't lied to me." Apparently the guy was retarded or something, I don't know. Cop told his mom that he has been acting that way all night and that he needed medication for his mood swings. Told Mom how he could have killed himself, and the people he cut off on the OTHER side of the road. The whole time Dick is insisting that the cop is a liar. Meanwhile I'm trying to pretend to be busy cus it's a little akward to be witnessing fights and doing nothing about it. When they finally left, the cop turned to me, shook his head, and said "what a prick". Well-said copper, well-said.
This reminds me of that section in People magazine where they put pictures of celebrities picking their noses and stuff.
"Cops, they're just like us"
Edit: The night brought in some drunk dude who's driver was arrested, and he had to find a ride. He hit on me for a freaking hour until his dad came to get him. He thought I was 22. He kept saying how cool I am and that I looked good, and wanted to know if I could take him home when I got off work. As if I would give some random drunk guy a ride home, to Springfield. Ok, cus I have nothing better to do. Is this the new way I have to look forward to meeting men?