"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Friday, February 03, 2006

I'm Letting Me Off The Hook...

Ring...Ring. Hello, me? Yes? You're off the hook. No shit? Thanks!

So, I'm letting myself off the hook. I'm realizing that everyone has limitations. I have always been a bit of a 'workaholic'. I think the truth is, I've always been overly responsible with work. It's not a bad thing. It's not terrific either, on the personal life.

I think that the time that CP is off work is nearing an end. Few more weeks. It's good, in that when I wake up in the morning, I won't think instantly how I loathe the fact that he is peacefully sleeping in a nice warm bed, with a warm doggie, while I'm pissed off that I even have to get up, and work two jobs. I won't have to resist the urge to kick him awake and act like I don't know what happened.

He's been helping around the house. When I leave a list. He is no ME, but then if there were TWO of ME the world wouldn't know what the fuck to do! His idea and my idea of clean are different, but I do appreciate that he is helping, and like a good fiance, I let him know this.

Guilt. I can't in good conscience, sit while someone is working. At home, or on the job. I feel like I should be up helping work too. Maybe it's the 'spank's' fault, for making us keep up a fair workload percentage? Or, maybe it was my days at Taco Bell, where they pounded the phrase 'TIME TO LEAN TIME TO CLEAN' into my brain.

I get down on myself for everything. I've stopped getting mad that I don't work out as much as I'd like to. At least I'm doing SOMETHING. If I were working 1 job and I came home and laid around, I think I could get mad at myself. But honestly, I don't have the time. I don't. And, I'm done trying to pretend that I do.

If everything is pretty on the outside, no one will suspect that I'm not perfect! But I've always been un-perfect. I'm the same me I have always been, with some new added options. So who am I really trying to impress here? Me?

God, getting old really has given me some insight!

My car problems! It's a bad wheel bearing we got. Have to return the part, and replace both bearings with better parts, and I need new rotors. It'll cost $170 for CP to do it since I already bought one wheel bearing. My control arm, bushings, and CV joints are all smooth sailing.

I got a pension plan at job 2. I can't access it for 5 years, so I really don't care much about it. I didn't worry about where to put the money, so I invested all the money in Exxon. I'd love to see how much that fucking pension turned into in a few years!!!

Job one is changing a lot, we're moving into the 21st century, and it's pretty cool! I'm going to a pre-opening of a restaurant w/Kat tomorrow. It should be fun! That hooch is going to Italy. I told her she has to ride a gondala like Madonna in Like A Virgin. If she gets discovered, I get half the profits!

Today's Question:

What would you most like to change in your house?

Well besides I'd love a house that stayed clean all the time, I'd like to have second bathroom downstairs!


Tayray said...

I dont think I'd like to change anything besides maybe a roommate to help with the bills.
Italy will be alot of fun, must be nice to be able to go somewhere.

Rachel said...

i would love the buns to stop having peeing contests with each other on the rug!