"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Check Your Bags at The Door...

There is nothing worse in my opinion, to bring your old crap into a new relationship. I spent years and years doing this. "that guy was a total douche, so therefore you will be a douche too". Boys do it too...."she controled my life, so you will too, so here I am being a dick and I'll do what I want" The result of that, is not giving any new person a fair shot. Seeing them only through your own filters. Not hitting the 'reset' button between relationships. Taking time to process the ups and downs. Feel the pain. Be on your own. I'm guilty of it.

He hit me so you will too. He hated to talk so you do too. He loved to yell so you must love it too.

I carried around a ton of baggage my whole life. Mainley the baggage from my shitty-ass marriage. I never knew that I could let go of it, or even start to unpack my bags until I heard the following which I think was probably on Oprah..."allowing someone from the past to affect your future, is giving them power over your life, why would you do that after all this time".

Huh? You mean, after like, 7 years of being divorced, the fact that I'm unhappy is because I am allowing him to still make me unhappy? Yes. That's exactly it. It's now been 10 years, and the past few years after this epiphany for me have been amazing. What made it easier, is seeing this asshole and having the conversation with him about things he did to me, and him not remembering any of it. He'd moved on. He didn't think about how he hurt me, not one bit. Yet, I was still carrying it around using it to be a victim.

That was all it took for me. Realizing that someone else was ruling my emotions. Affecting my attitude, controling my future. I choose how my life will be. It's not dictated to me by anyone. (this is why I follow the buddhist beliefs vs. Christian)

I only wish I knew how to help other people have the same realization. That the only person carrying your old crap around is hurting, is you. But then I realized....

It's also hurting the person that loves you. And that is where I am. In the moment, I'm so exceptionally happy, and I feel loved, and give love. If I go past the moment and dip a toe into the future, I'm in turmoil. The turmoil comes from the manfriend not letting go of his past. It's holding back a future for us together. The more I think about it the more I panic. The more my own baggage tells me to run away fast, but I am not giving into it. I make my rules. Not my stinking thinking.

I wish I could help him get past it, but I can't. They are his bags to unpack. I just wish he'd at least take out the socks (har-d-harrrr) But more and more I realize that I'm allowing someone else's "crap" to hurt me. Just like I did for so long with my ex-husband, and more and more I realize that I'm not going to be able to accept that. And it hurts.

All I have to say is I TOLD YOU JIN WAS ALIVE! Having seen Kate on the island, and also knowing she is in "real time" back home, reinstates the fact that the whispers on the island were the losties time traveling. Also, the times you thought you saw ghosts, they were just time traveling. Now, I want to know why Walt went back to distract shannon, and why she got shot. Something worse must have been in the works for her.....You know they'll cover all that, cus c'mon its LOST!

Obviously benry gale (or whatever you call him) has something to gain from getting everyone back to the island. But what? I have to search my sites today to see what those medical papers were Sun had...and who was in the pictures with Jack she had in her back seat. Something is not quite right with Sun.

Holey hell.....the french lady? I totally knew when they were speaking en francais that it would be her. Also, have to look for a translation today to see wtf those fools were saying. I don't like that Juliette's nose bled. You besta not kill her off before her and Sawyer do the nasty. Oh, it's happening.

That asian guy who's name I cant remember, maybe isn't a ghost whisperer after all...maybe he just has been time traveling all this time. I sure cant wait to time travel. There's some people who's nads I'd like to kick!


sazza said...

Wow! What a post!

I think we share a very similar way of thinking :) It is so good being able to accept your past, and move on from it. However, I don't think there are many people out there who can, and it is *so* sad.

I am forever trying to 'help' people, and I start to get frustrated with people who cannot be 'helped'.

I really hope he can start to unpack those bags. Tell him to start with those socks!!! x x

Mike said...

Great post. I myself never bring emotional baggage to a new relationship or speak of old relationships. When that was done to me, it made me feel like the other person still loved their ex. Not fun.

Amy said...

It's Ben, in the pictures with Jack.

LiLu said...

"Not hitting the 'reset' button between relationships."

I love that.

Heather said...

I almost destroyed my relationship (with my husband) because I was so sure he was like all the people in my past. You're so right.

Off topic. I'm soooo interested in Buddhism. Any books you'd suggest? (you can email me twofifteendotnet@gmail.com)

Erin said...

You just have such an awesome way of thinking... I hope manfriend sees that and realizes that he needs to unpack and quick!!

Fizzgig said...

youre right, usually its too late when people realize what they have done. I say to my friends, how did you not kill me? they all tried to help me in the past but I didnt get it.

It can be hurtful. If you feel like you are being compared to someone in the past, that obviously sucked!

it is??? holey crap, that means that suns been there before I bet, and shes there to stop something! ooooohhhhhhhhhhh i love the time traveling!

yea, i think it should be a requirement, it would make life so much easier!

so true! it is hard to let go of old hurts! I emailed you!

thank you! I hope he does too cus it'd be a shame to lose out on a good thing because of someone who sucks still affecting your current relationship!