"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort










Tuesday, January 27, 2009

A Story about Bodily Functions...

Firstively...A winner has been chosen in my fabulous Valentine's Day Giveaway....(drumroll)...

Alexa! From Cleveland's a Plum. Which is awesome because I can wait til the last minute to ship since she's not far away. The only thing better would have been if my neighbor won! But congratulations! Email me at fizzgigabyte@yahoo.com your info, and I will ship out your fabulous prizes next week!

This is a true story. It happened last week. Because I have no shame.

For breakfast I usually have turkey bacon and egg beaters. On this particular day, I had Yogurt and granola from work. (which cost me $5 but that is another story!) For lunch, I have one of three things, on this day I had spaghetti squash, marinara, and kidney beans. I eat it all the time. It's very low calorie and seriously deilcious.

I'm fine til about 2, when I had to out of nowhere have to poo. Now, I learned from a post a couple weeks ago, that most people don't poo at work. All I have to say is, that is totally unhealthy, and when I get old I'm going to have a happy pooper, cus I go whenever I need to go. You just go when it's empty in the bathroom. Like I did on this particular day.

Instantly, I knew I was in trouble, because it was retched. Rank. Horrid. It was like nothing I've smelled before. I know smelly....

When we were growing up a family of possums moved in under our trailer. Mom fed them radiator fluid, and the living ones ate the dead possums, and the stench would come thru our heater vents. Mom had to get the dead carcasses out from under there to stop the stench! We also had a family of skunks move in. And my moms then boyfriend killed the babies with a pellet gun (freaking asshole!) and they all sprayed of course, and I had to go to school smelling like a skunk. (also totally true, and traumatic..) But this stench was way worse.

Then...I passed a teeeeeeny tiny little poof of gas at my desk. Two point 2 seconds later, I was out of my cubicle because I couldn't stand the smell. Coworker says to me...."what's that smell?" to which I start busting out laughing. She got up and went into the hallway "euw, what IS that smell?" I told her, that I had to abandon my own ship because of it. Then new girl asks, "what's that smell?". It made a perfect bee line thru the department.

The worst part was a random person walking thru and asking what the smell was, after I'd sprayed half a bottle of sweet pea bath and body spray....and everyone pointing at me, and laughing. Myself included.

I still don't do this in front of the manfriend unless its an accident. You probably can't tell but I am a lady. If this had been in his presence, I would've had to hide for weeks. I would be horrified. Although he would probably just laugh at me.

I had a gurgly stomach the entire weekend. I think that yogurt was bad. Or, they slipped in that Danactive stuff. Anyway, I'll never live it down. Like they've never farted. Or poo'd at work.

5 comments:

Suzi said...

ROFL! Thank you. Reading that was an excellent way to start my morning.

Mike said...

You know it's bad when you have to run away from your own gas cloud. ;)

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

i won i won i won i won!!!!

emailing you now : )

Erin said...

LOL - I really don't even know what to say to that. Great story though :-)

Life On Edge. said...

oh man the story of your childhood? dude your Mom's boyfriend was NOT cool! and you're a serious warrior! Plus you make me laugh hehehehe