FYI...I'm not stalking you, my twitter was hacked. Who does that?
The theme for today is change. Friday they put access 97 on my computer because I'll be working on a project thats been started in access 97. Nevermind importing it into 2000. What do I know? In the process, I was assured that only the access program would be changed. I logged in to my computer today, and my whole office suite is 97. I dunno about you, but I think 97 is extremely retarded. The computer guy is suppose to fix it. All my files are jacked up, and my email was 2003, and now even its 97.
It's the first day that our "grill" at work has changed. My daily breakfast (1 egg, 1 turkey sausage, 1 slice of toast) use to be 95 cents. Now, it's $1.09. They REMOVED the salad bar. How do you just take away an entire salad bar? The pro's? You can grind your own coffee. The con? It went from 50 cents when you use a special cup, to $1. Inflation. The vending machines are ridiculous too. They have (not that I was buying them mind you) reese's cups for 85 cents. (use to be 65 cents). Worse? They aren't even reese's. They are generic.
And lastley, change with the manfriend. I feel something coming. Today, tomorrow, next week - I'm happy. I'm 100% in love, and couldn't want another thing. The future, has been weighing on me. This weekend, it bothered me when the prospect of owning a home came up. I thought it would be a great opportunity, then quickly I stopped myself and thought...."if I buy a house, that means I'm stuck in Akron....what does this mean for my future with manfriend?"
Manfriend has never expressed a real interest in living together. It's "crossed his mind". It's somthing he wants with "someone" "one day"... "if" it happens for him, not "when". For me it's a "when". I don't want to think about ending a good thing for such a stupid reason, but I have to wonder, is it fair to keep me going in something that may not go somewhere? I don't even know what I want, because I'm not ready today. Tomorrow, next week myself. I just want to know that the option is there. That it's really something that will happen. Not something that is merely a dream. I havn't been bothered by it until this weekend. Now, I am so upset over it. It's consuming me, and I'm letting myself feel it. I was up til after 3 am unable to sleep.
I know everything happens for a reason, so that goes without saying, that this is happening for a reason, and I have to trust that the outcome is going to be the right thing regardless. I can't imagine this not going anywhere. I have to have faith that whats meant to be will be. It's not easy to always be positive.
I need to learn to embrace change.
It's the only constant in the world. That, and death.