"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Monday, January 05, 2009


FYI...I'm not stalking you, my twitter was hacked. Who does that?

The theme for today is change. Friday they put access 97 on my computer because I'll be working on a project thats been started in access 97. Nevermind importing it into 2000. What do I know? In the process, I was assured that only the access program would be changed. I logged in to my computer today, and my whole office suite is 97. I dunno about you, but I think 97 is extremely retarded. The computer guy is suppose to fix it. All my files are jacked up, and my email was 2003, and now even its 97.

It's the first day that our "grill" at work has changed. My daily breakfast (1 egg, 1 turkey sausage, 1 slice of toast) use to be 95 cents. Now, it's $1.09. They REMOVED the salad bar. How do you just take away an entire salad bar? The pro's? You can grind your own coffee. The con? It went from 50 cents when you use a special cup, to $1. Inflation. The vending machines are ridiculous too. They have (not that I was buying them mind you) reese's cups for 85 cents. (use to be 65 cents). Worse? They aren't even reese's. They are generic.

And lastley, change with the manfriend. I feel something coming. Today, tomorrow, next week - I'm happy. I'm 100% in love, and couldn't want another thing. The future, has been weighing on me. This weekend, it bothered me when the prospect of owning a home came up. I thought it would be a great opportunity, then quickly I stopped myself and thought...."if I buy a house, that means I'm stuck in Akron....what does this mean for my future with manfriend?"

Manfriend has never expressed a real interest in living together. It's "crossed his mind". It's somthing he wants with "someone" "one day"... "if" it happens for him, not "when". For me it's a "when". I don't want to think about ending a good thing for such a stupid reason, but I have to wonder, is it fair to keep me going in something that may not go somewhere? I don't even know what I want, because I'm not ready today. Tomorrow, next week myself. I just want to know that the option is there. That it's really something that will happen. Not something that is merely a dream. I havn't been bothered by it until this weekend. Now, I am so upset over it. It's consuming me, and I'm letting myself feel it. I was up til after 3 am unable to sleep.

I know everything happens for a reason, so that goes without saying, that this is happening for a reason, and I have to trust that the outcome is going to be the right thing regardless. I can't imagine this not going anywhere. I have to have faith that whats meant to be will be. It's not easy to always be positive.

I need to learn to embrace change.

It's the only constant in the world. That, and death.


Erin said...

Ok first of all - 97??? Jeez, that is ridiculous!

And removed the salad bar? I'd totally quit! Really - I need me a salad bar!

And I think you'll get that "someday" soon, you've been so good about not rushing it, and the fact that you are 100% happy and 100% in love is worth more than the house, living together or even marriage.

Momma said...

When you have done all you can do...STAND..God will do the rest. In Alanon, they say, sometimes not making a decision is making a decision. One day at a time, things will unfold as they should. Live today and tomorrow will take care of itself.

merider (M.E.-rider) said...

Fizz, you're not abnormal having these thoughts, it's just if you can, don't let them consume you. Go for a walk or play with your dog, or something that will take your mind off of it. I'm certainly no one to give advice in this area (so I won't), but you seem like one of the most level headed women (that I've ever met...er...not met but read the inner thoughts of!), so you'll work through it.

As for the losing the salad bar...I just cried for you. ;-)

Damsel Underdressed said...

If you bought a house solo, it only makes you much more appealing, sexy and independent. If manfriend suddenly wanted to move in together, there are plenty of options. He could move in with you. You could sell or rent your house. It wouldn't be the end of the world. People buy houses and move all the time.

Who knows? Maybe if you started a house buying adventure, he might wake up and smell the inflated coffee. ;)

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

no, i don't want a free iphone from you!

Ms. Megan said...

I have been contemplating buying my house but because it seems like such a final decision, I have been putting it off! If I buy this house that means this is where I live and may always live and what if that never changes! I guess the prospect of no change scares me!

LBluca77 said...

I am not good with change either, but once I get used to it i'm good.

So@24 said...

Oh no! When bloggers fall in love, it's the end of their blogs!


But I mean, kudos to you too!