"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Friday, January 11, 2008

Like a Good Bra....

I suppose I'm in better spirits today. I guess I'm lifted. Like someone wrapped me in a good bra last night. Maybe it was my expensive sheets? Only, I'm so exhausted, I can't tell the difference between good spirits and being bummed.

As the norm latley I fell asleep on the couch, and woke up at 3 am. When I started hacking my brains out for no apparent reason. Constant, hacking. This lasted for an hour, when I decided I had to get up and take medicine so I could sleep. The only medicine in the house is night time medicine. I fell asleep after 4am some time, and had to get up at 7 for work, after taking sleepy medicine. I'm sleepy enough without taking medicine. I'm freaking loopy! I could be gone for a week with the bags that are packed under my eyes.

I cried off and on all night. It was one of those things where I don't even know what the fuck was wrong with me. I think stress? I kept just repeating I am love, and I need a new job making more money. This distracted me enough to stop crying for like 20 minute increments. What the hell? My boss was concerned and I felt stupid for crying at work, and what do I say? Um, can you get me a hella raise so I can function, and get some sleep? One thing at a time. I'm tackling the job. Focus.

I would love to catch a quick fiver. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz. I kept snoozing until 7:25 this morning when is the time I have to leave. You should see how horrid I look today, but don't care. I am really ashamed I'm even in public with my unplucked eyebrows. That's life.

When I got home from work(s) last night, I noticed that the man had taken back the movies we rented, straightened up my table and took glasses in the kitchen, and made my bed and tucked Hello Kitty in. He makes me smile, he is so thoughtful. I'm so busy, that every little thing makes a world of difference. Quite a change from what I'm use to which is pigs making messes for me to clean up, not caring that I'm always working. Universe....please let my mom not be a jerk to me about the fact that my dog has an ear infection and smells. If I have to hear her complain about it 80 times as if I am unaware of it, I might have another breakdown. I make myself feel bad enough about having no time to do things. I don't need any help with that.

Today, take note I am in good spirits about my finances. Let's hope it lasts.


Janet said...

Even though you're feeling low, it sounds like somewhere inside you have been able to put it into perspective. You've come along way and have a lot. Keep reminding yourself that you gotta put up with the rain if you want the rainbows!

Bianca said...

Oh, I totally understand sleep deprivation crying. I was that way all of Sunday, and was even crying at stupid commercials. Well, not full on weeping, but certainly sniffling.