"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Monday, January 28, 2008

Dreams. and The Talk Again...

Yesterday I woke up having had a dream about robot cows. Their bodies were cows, the joints were mechanical. And they walked funny. I told the man about it. And I thought about it all day. One of those dreams that didn't seem to mean anything but seemed so real. I know he was in it and we were in a car together. But thats all I remember really.

My horoscope today says:
One of your recent dreams has included some confusing images -- that's nothing new, except for the fact that today you will see one of those images again in the real world. Look at it as closely as you can. It holds a clue about how you can reach your latest goal much faster than you had anticipated! You have the resolve, energy, and intelligence to figure this symbolism out and achieve what you really want. The right move might be to think big and take a few more risks.

If I see some mechanical cows today, so help me, I might have a heart attack and die on the spot. My heart already hurts! Dammit!

Since I'm slighlty obsessed with dreams and their meaning, I looked up in my book what cows mean:

To see a cow in your dream, signifies your obedience to authority without question. It symbolizes your passive and docile nature. Alternatively, it represents maternal instincts or the desire to be cared for. For some cultures, the cow represents divine qualities of fertility, nourishment and motherhood. To see a herd of cows, indicates your need to belong.

Goals. I have a lot of goals. When they happen is different. The man and I had another discussion yesterday about us, and the distance. It seems to me like I have to do something or I'm going to lose him, and I don't want to feel that way, nor has he said anything to really make me think that. I told him that I have planned on moving for a while, but the urgency is there now, because I want to make things work with us. He told me not to do it for that reason, which I know is stupid, but I honestly think he is the one for me. I told him that there is too much good with us to not work out. He's really offered no solution to the problem. I guess it's funny that I think about this stuff after we talk. I keep meaning to ask him what he thinks should happen. Maybe he's been trying to dump me with these talks and here I come along and sprinkle it with optimism and he feels bad? I dunno. I really don't get that impression.

Mental. If I'm using my head, it's too soon to move in together. Both of us would have normally done this by now. Why couldn't I have met him a year ago? Then we'd be all holed up together enjoying our happiley ever after? Kidding. Well, only sorta...But really, the distance forces us to take things slower, because we can't just up and move in together w/o making bigger changes in our lives. It's something we've both talked about having changed in ourselves, and here we are being tested. Then, maybe we are suppose to think, we aren't our past. In the past things didn't work out for us moving fast. But, I also can tell I feel much differently about him than other guys.

It's obvious to me what it is, but I don't think he can see it. Neither of us is good with patience and I think maybe it's just a test to teach us patience. Good things come to those who wait. Slow and steady wins the race. Blah blah!

I don't want to think about things not working out with us because that just puts negativity into the world. Who needs that? He told me he has everything he's ever wanted with me, and things he didn't know he wanted. I feel the same way about him. I think what's meant to be will be. I'm still looking to move. Hopefully to a cheaper place even, which would be super nice. Closer to work, save on gas, save on having to pay taxes to a city where I rent an apartment and already pay taxes where I work. Living there costs me more money than it's worth.

Saturday he took me to the movies, in his dads car which was super cute, when he asked me, I told him I had to ask my mom if I could go. She said I was allowed, and we went. We saw First Sunday. It was funny. Mostly I loved 'nuggling up with my guy when we went to bed. Theres nothing more comforting, than being in the arms of the man you love. It gives me goosebumps thinking about it. And, I'm tearing up. Seriously. I've never had (as I heard on Scott Baio is 46 and pregnant this wknd, and if it was on there, it's gospel) "the kind of love that makes you cry". I really havn't, and its confusing to me sometimes cus I'm not sad but I cry when I 'm happy, and think about how much I love him. And its not a crazy I can't live w/o you cry, it's something I think you only know if you know. You know?

I'm off to wait for mechanical cows. Mooo.


Janet said...

I didn't think it was possible, but you officially rendered me speechless LOL

Bianca said...

I am very happy for you, Mon. I've been following along long enough to know that you deserve to have someone who makes you feel that way.

Mon said...

Janet: I think that I feel pretty great about leaving someone speechless. ha ha ha

Thank you so much! I appreciate it!! It is an amazing feeling!