I was sitting here at my desk daydreaming. Staring at my wall thinking about the man. Then I had to go outside and cool off. Pretty funny how that works. I don't know what it is with him, but he definatley does "it" for me, that's for sure. It was so nice to spend the night with him. Of course, I mean the sleeping in the same bed with him, not just the sex. (but it's the kind that when it's over your like...wtf just happened? Oh yea...like that!) I love to be close to him. God, I hope I don't scare him off! It seems to be a mutual thing, so I don't think he's gonna run off. But then, no one ever said that men make sense. I mentioned again how in the past I've been accused of being "over-sexed" he said he thinks it's perfect. I hope he means that. Then again, it was only with the last one that said that to me. And CP was a pretty strange bird. We had it out about that topic a lot. A man? Not liking sex? Like in this post. (which looking back at...makes me wonder what the fuck was I missing at the time, to not know something bigger was going on?)
Then, the man asked me an interesting question. He asked me what love was to me. I don't know that I've ever really tried to put it into words before, and it was definately not easy. I said it's a feeling more than anything..trust, not fearing what will happen. I guess it's hard for me to distinguish, because it's "felt" different with every person I thought that I loved. I've never felt as intensley for someone before. This one tops the list. If I had to describe it, I'd say it's like there is a string that runs from my heart to his, and when it's pulled too thin (when we are apart) it sort of hurts.
Of course, love is trust. And honesty. And not letting your own issues get in the way of those two things, isn't always easy. Sometimes I let bad thoughts get into my head, but the difference between how I am now, and who I use to be, is that I can see that it's just stinkin thinkin. It's my own issues, creeping up, and I have no reason to feel them, so I shut it off. The old me, would have created havoc over this sort of thing. Love is being your own person, and knowing that its OK. Love is not jealousy. Love is letting the other person grow, and be who they are, and knowing that their love is true. Trusting that it is. Not doubting it.
But ultimately, it's a feeling. A wonderful feeling. One that I havn't felt in this way before. A lot of this is all new for me. The only other time I was remotely close to having this, was when I was married, but I didn't love myself. Having self love, on top of being in love, is a feeling everyone should experience. I'm still a work in progress too. I know, things can only get better for me.
I didn't answer all this to the man. But if I had to do again, I would simply say love is what I feel for him. I'm a very lucky girl to have met him. And I thank the universe every day for bringing him into my life. And that's the truth.
What is love to you?