So, in an effort to kick 50lbs in the ass this week I have devised a plan of action. I brought extra shoes to work, and since it's not hot out, I'm gonna hoof it around the parking lot for half an hour on lunch. Yesterday, I walked in my friggin work shoes, and I think my feet might actually fall off. You know what though? I feel fabulous. Today I walked with a coworker, and guess what? It's freaking snowing. Not like a blizzard, but it's cold and theirs some specks flying around.
Ahhhh....gotta love it! I decided, no way can I get up at 5:30 after 4 hours of sleep, and workout for an hour and a half, then be ready to leave for work on time, be "working" 14 hours (actually 12, but including drive time...). It's just not possible, and I have to give myself a break. I also have to workout every day or I get down on myself, and that's a bad thing. It fucks up my whole positive outlook, and I'm not trying to do that, when I've been on the right track for so long. So, self, you are going to turn this shit around, got it?
I understand, I'm not indestructible. I have to give myself some time to rest at some point, but really, when is that gonna be? I have to keep up after pets, and myself, and workout, and work 60 hours, and have a (super hot & fantastic) boyfriend. Working out is really the only "me time" I have and enjoy!
Not to mention, I believe the new birth control is making me sick. I'm trying not to give into it, but I'm nauseus, I don't feel "myself" and it's making my face horribly broken out. I'm giving it to the end of a month on the new one and I'm trying something else. Looking as tore up as I look, I don't know that I need birth control. The boy might not want to touch me! Ack! That will be detrimental to my overall health as well!
I have to find a balance. Understand that I might not have time to do everything I think needs to be done, and be OK with it. Understand that some day I will be able to get back into a routine again. Until then, I need to not be hard on myself. The money will come. The weight loss will come. Everything will happen as it should. I need to stop trying to pretend I have control over it.