See the light.

Forty-Nine pounds. It is so big, I typed that shit out. Forty....Nine. Actually, I weigh myself 3 times on Thursdays, and two times it said 50 down, and once it said 49. I went with 49 because I'm going to a party this weekend (with the boy) and I'll likely gain a pound from drinking anyhow so I'm just being smart here.

I compared a photo from last year with one from last weekend. Um, it's pretty bad! Once I take some more photos, maybe this wknd, I'm posting them. It's my big coming out. Stay tuned for that! You wont want to miss it. I havn't posted any since I think around 30 lbs.

I'm an advocate for thinking yourself thin. You think I'm crazy. I use to workout 6-7 days a week for several hours. Nothing happened for a year. I felt good, sure, but never lost a pound.
Not until I started to work on myself. Not until I decided that I deserved to be first in my own life. Not until I started telling myself I am thin. Not until I believed I deserved happiness, and I was already receiving it. I've said this all along, it's all about the secret. I can see you shaking your head thinking I'm fucking crazy, but no pill, or person can ever fix what's wrong with you. Only you can. That goes for your mental issues, as well as your weight problems.

I'm on my own personal path towards enlightenment. I've never been happier. It's true what they say about it, once you start, everything falls into place. You just have to make the choice to start. I love the fact that the boy is, and has been in the same spot I'm in too. It's an amazing feeling to know that we've both "been there". We both realize how to make ourselves happy, and are able to make each other happy as a result.

When I went home from the second job last night, there was a hot man in my shower. I said I could get use to this. Damn! He drives me absolutely nuts. He says I drive him nuts, but really, he drives me nuts, and we could go on for hours about who is more in love with who, who is more attracted to who, pawing at each other, kissing every inch of the others entire head, hands, you name it, and make you want to vomit, but it's ok. I can accept that there are haters in the world. Some day, they will thank me for my positivity, and say that I helped them find the passion they always wanted. All you have to do, is admit that is what you want.

We talked for hours. 5 to be exact. We never seem to run out of things to say. It's comforting to know that he's nuts about me, and it's because I am me. That I am crazy enough to offer to hold him captive in my laundry room, because he is him. I am me. I havn't been me in a relationship for so long, because I was so afraid of getting hurt. Too busy building walls. What an amazing feeling it is to let them down. Be yourself, and stop hiding.

We both talk forever about life, the universe, lessons, our paths, how we crossed, how things line up for you, the power of positive thinking, and the law of attraction. We also talk about wanting more out of or lives. Owning a business. So, you never know...watch for me and the boy....motivational speakers....coming to a town near you! (wink)