"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Life's a Journey, Not a Destination...

On Sweetest Day, I got a call from my ex boyfriend, Z. Not to wish me a happy day, but to make BS small talk like, asking me if I had someone to share the day with. To which I of course said, I'm in loooooooove. Bitch.

No, the reason he called was because he wanted a favor from me. Turns out, he wants to be a fireman. In order to do this, he has to take all these tests, and pass a background check. He claims that he got through everything, but his background check. Because of me. Yea, he said it like that.

You see, like...6 or 7 years ago, he busted into my house after a night of drinking, destroyed my door, my bed, tore doors off of hinges, threw me into several windows, busting them, cut himself, threw his blood on me, and threatened to kill me. There was a lot more to the story, but that's the gist of it. I managed to escape and get to a pay phone, in my underwear.. because he busted my cell phone, and tore my home phone out of the wall. They had to pick him up at his house, and of course, I had to go file charges against him.

They kept him in jail, and the next day he pleaded with me to drop the charges. Sadly, like most women, I did just that. The state decided they could still get him on burglary, even if I didn't cooperate with domestic violence charges, so he did in fact get charged with burglary. And he was pretty pissed about that. Because his name was in the paper, and they used HIS name and not MY name. And "I didn't do that stuff they said I did".

When he called me, he said that "domestic violence wouldn't be as bad, but it looks like I broke into your house and stole from you, I could still get the job if you would write a letter to the city, because it says on my record that the victem didn't cooperate, and it would look like they were just being assholes, I mean, what I did do was bad, but it wasn't as bad as burglary".

I wish that I made that last bit up. Cus, he seriously said that. I told him that what he did was worse, and that I had to live with it forever, and he is happily trying to deny he did anything worth suffering for. Wanna know what I thought about myself at that point in my life? I moved in with him after that ordeal. Yes...I didn't like myself very much at all.

It was a long road from there to where I am now. But looking back it makes me realize that I have come a long way. I thought I wasn't that much better for all I put up with from CP, but honestly, once I started treating myself better, everything else is falling into place. It might sound selfish, but you have to put yourself first. And, I am proud of where I am. .....you know, madly in love with this one guy, who you might have heard me mention! I can give of myself, because I love and appreciate me. It's a whole new type of love when this is your state of mind.


Suuubarooo said...

I know exactly how you feel. I was in an abusive relationship. At first it was just really emotional and then it got physical. I had a chance to press charges when I got a restraining order and like an idiot I didn't...but I'm proud that you told him you weren't going to write that letter for him! Who does he think he is to even ASK? You are so much better than that. Glad to see you are much happier now. =]

EC said...

So typical of an abuser isn't it? My STBEH says shit like that too - "I'm not "that" type of guy" and "I'm not an abuser" because in their mind they just don't get that men do not usually threaten to kill a woman.

I hope you didn't write the letter :) Maybe then he'll get it.

Slick said...

Geeezus girl, this guy has some freakin' nerve.

I'd have told him to go f*ck himself.

Glad you're looking out for yourself now....it's all about you first girl.

~Tim said...

How sad (and scary) that he still doesn't get it.