"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Still Afloat....

I went to the store last night, and purchased 24 packs of Ramon noodles for $4.80. I dunno how half of the worlds population would survive without ramon. I lived on it for two years. Looks like happy days are here again. Yea, their completely unhealthy, and will make me retain water. I've been eating fruits and vegetables forever. I hope the universe doesn't think this is teaching me how to be a mother, because you know what? It fucking sucks. I don't want to sacrifice my happiness for someone else. So sue me!

Every morning I get up for work knowing, I just have to go back again the next day. Knowing, for 28 days straight, I'll be working without a break. My head is so heavy from no sleep. I feel like I am hungover every day. Headache. My body is sore from working out every day, my heart hurts from all the bullshit going on in my life. But I still get up every morning and truck it to work, and every weekend, I float into the police station. I'm praying on the day I become a millionaire and I don't have to work anymore. Dreams are sometimes all you have, right?

I asked a friend at work to adopt me about 50 times. Can I come live in your basement? Can she be my mom and buy me stuff? Yesterday, after telling her my bracelet I got from work broke (for the second time she keeps saying to get a refund) and what happened with CP, she said "You know, if I adopt you, first thing Ima gonna do is smack the shit out of you, then, Ima make you take back that bracelet". She cracks my shit up.

CP's counselor called me on my way home from work. She said he went to detox for 4 days. He might get out Thursday, and then have his court date on Friday. She said there is a bed waiting for him at inpatient, but he can't go until he has his court date. So whether they order him prison, or rehab, either way, Friday is it for him. He called me around 7:30 while I was working out and said that he'd write me a letter, and that he will make sure his counselor gives me his bank card. He asked if my brother needed his car this week for anything. He really is a nice guy, too bad he's all mixed up. I'm over it.

Ummmm..I think it's time to get my life started. I need to be young. Right? Before my life passes me by! Stop acting like I'm old! As Edwin McCain would say....

Perfumed and smoky
she swears that she knows me
she’s falling down drunk again
I say she’s mistaken
she’s visibly shaken
emotions all drowned in gin
she said I used to be beautiful
Now it’s all gone
I let my dreams slip away from me
that’s where it went wrong
Go be young, go be free
Follow your heart Where it leads you
And don't end up like me.

1 comment:

Janet said...

I know Ramen Noodles aren't exactly the healthies food in the world, but they are such a staple of survival for those who don't have much. I had a roommate who would even take the noodles, not use the seasoning and add duck sauce and something else to turn it into a different meal entirely. What can I say? Desperate times call for desperate measures.:)