"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Monday, July 16, 2007


Boy, have I got the blues. I dunno what the hell my problem is. I have that achy feeling in your chest you get when you want to have a good cry, and the butterflies. But, I have no idea what is going on. I can't cry either. I've thought about it. I've tried. It aint comin' out. It was my first two days off in 28 days. I think its the first time I actually got to slow down, and not be working. I dunno. PMS. A woman's best friend? Could be.

My weekend was fine, Friday I took my brother to the Dr. I had to pay for his appointment. He goes next week for a skin graft. Nice. I spent the night cleaning the crib to get ready for the party on Saturday. I havn't drank really, in over a month. Too bad I tried to make up for it all in one night. I dunno how many beers I had before we walked to the festival. But when we got back I did a couple shots. And....had bourbon. Who the fuck drinks bourbon? Tayray broke the shit out, so I blame her. So, at midnight, I was in blowing chunks so bad that I'm still in pain from it. I had to lay down in bed. Therefore, not spending much quality time with someone who came. So, that pissed me off. Especially since I got into a huge fight with CP over him leaving the premises as to not ruin my evening with that someone.

Someone called me a few times later that evening, but no one gave me my phone. Fucking haters. I think that is probably whats wrong with me. I missed out on a good opportunity. Cus I'm a lightweight. I suck. That's what happens when you don't drink. Lesson to be learned. Keep alchohol in system always. Then you wont barf all night when you actually do drink. It probably didn't help that I ate fried cheese at the festival. And nothing else. I did have a good time up until then.

I just keep thinking that I'm kinda tired of my life. I'm sick of working two jobs. I'm sick of the men in my life who don't really give me anything, but they sure aren't shy about taking. I'm the only one who can change all that, so I have no one to blame but myself. The ex Z called me Friday too. Said he might come over Saturday, but you know he never did show up. I shouldn't even talk to him. I seem desperate. I'm really not. Bleh.

Kat sent me flowers Friday. They tried to come to work, but defcon-5 security doesn't allow us to have deliveries. So, they went to my house. They are sure pretty! You can't help but smile when you look at a nice flower arrangement.

In other news. How about Big Brother? OMG. I totally hate Jen, but she cracks me up with how self centered she is. I mean, to take down a picture of you and your Mom cus you think you look bad? Get over yourself! It makes for excellent TV though, doncha think? Anyone watch Rock of Love? I swear, I think the chicks on the show might have Flavor of Love beat by a mile! All I kept thinking watching it was. I totally touched Bret Michaels. He wrapped those arms around ME. Bitches. Then, for good measure, I tivo'd Scott Baio is 45 and single. Where he hires a life coach to see why he isn't married. I can tell you why in the first 15 minutes. You have a friend who leeches off your fame, while encouraging you to be a slimy fuckwad, oh, and how about your a freaking asshole, dude?


Rachel said...

Hang in there! Everyone goes through the blues. It's frustrating b/c there's not always a reason. Get a massage, do some Yoga, go for a walk. Just try and go easy on yourself.

EC said...

Bummer about your weekend - hope someone knows that you're still interested!!

I hate Jen too! If I were her mother I would be fucking pissed!!!

If I hear her say one more great thing about herself, I think I will be the one blowing chunks!!

Mon said...

Exercise really helped a little. I'm still a little down, but I don't feel SO bad.

I can't wait to see what happens tonight!!!!!! =)
And, I hope someone knows too!

Jen R. said...

I get into ruts like that all the time thinking about my life, and then I watch COPS or one of those ridiculous afternoon judge shows where the people really have reason to hate their lives, and it makes me feel better. Try it!

Mon said...

Jen R:
Jerry Springer use to do that for me! lol!!!! That is hilarious I thought I was the only one who did that!