"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Pot of Gold

Have I mentioned how tired I am latley? Good lord. I went to bed an hour early the past two nights, but I'm still exhausted. I almost didn't work out last night. Almost, but I still did. I did 2.5 miles instead of 3.2. So what, at least I worked out. I'm going to go to the winery with Heather tonight, or Friday 'for a bottle'. Now, it wasn't discussed if that was a bottle each, or splitting one. But either way. We havn't hung out in forever, and well, I could use the wine. Wine is good. And we know how drinking at home can be detrimental. Although it is raining pretty bad so sitting outside will be out of the question.

Since reading the secret I've tried to be more open to the goings on around me. Everything happens for a reason, and I have to be aware, that circumstances may be opening up a path for me to follow. I don't need drama in my life, and I only want to be around genuine people. That's one thing I always say, and maybe what's going on with my friend is showing me that I should re-evaluate that relationship? Plus, latley I've been putting "out there" that I need help. I'm worried about my future. I can't be happy working two jobs my whole life. Living with people that aren't good for me in order to live the financial life I want for myself. I keep saying each night before I go to bed "show me the way". I might have been given some direction.

Yesterday one of my oldest (in friendship years, not age, people) friends Katie gave me some hopeful news. She's in charge of a program at the university where she works, that gives you credit hours towards a degree, for work experience. I'd have to work with her on a portfolio, to show what I know already, in order to get out of certain classes. If things go according to plan, I could get credit for 24 hours she said, and have about two years left to get an associates degree in office administration. Hm. Imagine that. Me, a college student...?

Now, comes the money part. I have none. I have no money to even pay a loan if I were to get one. I feel if it's meant to be, I will be able to get grants for school. I know that the only struggling I'm ready to do anymore, will be the learning, and the working part. Hey, I've gotta take math. MATH. I'm done struggling with money. Done. She said she could work with me to do the portfolio, and that would save me the money for the workshop she is teaching. And if I was given credit for what I submit, I could try for financial aid before applying to school, and it would all be figured out before I started.

It took me 7 years to make 30 grand. Now, I make significantly less, even with two jobs. I don't want to wait another 7 years to get back to that income, and be almost 40 and still struggling. Who knows if I'll be married? I can't bank on the fact that maybe some man will come along and swoop me up. I have to live for me. And start preparing for my future. I think this is a good step. While I am not looking forward to school, it gives me something to work for that will get me somewhere in the long run. I know there are plenty of jobs where I am now, that I could make more money at, with a degree, and the experience I'm gaining from my position.

Wish me luck. Things might be looking up. I told Katie, I just might find me a nice veterinary student to marry at school. She said they don't have veterinary medicine, but they have zoology. Good enough!

Anyone else addicted to the World Series of Pop Culture? I've come to decide that next tryout, me and my brother need to go on the show. We could seriously kick some major ass. We get all the answers right. And I could use half of 250 grand. (math)

What about Big Brother? I loved how America's player told his sob story to Kail. I was cracking up, they made a good choice picking him. And, we get to tell him who to kick out! I also loved that Joe as he put it "added some pepper to the pot and stirred it up" with Jennifer. I can't stand that girl either. She's so full of herself. To cry, over a "bad picture" of yourself on the wall? And to wear a shirt every day with your name on it? That's so freaking gay. Jenius. Jenuine. The Jenth degree. Get over yourself.


EC said...

I love Eric as America's choice, he cracks me up. AND OMG - If I see another Jen shirt I'm going to freaking scream!!! She can't leave fast enough for me, lol

Sarah said...

I think the school thing sounds great! I'm so hoping it works out for you. It will be hard work, but I think it will be so worth it. It's hard to finally do the things you need to do to live for yourself so I applaud you for even beginning the process. I'm in somewhat of a similar situation where I'm finally trying to make choices to better my situation and make myself happier. IT'S HARD!

P.S. I am awesome at World Series of Pop Culture.

Mon said...

I cant wait to see what happens tonight!!!!

thank you thank you. It must be the older and wiser thing, right?

Celina said...

Hello! Would it be totally weird for me to say that "I miss you!" Good Luck! I don't miss school too much... well, sometimes I do, but now I'm getting PAID to do pretty much the same things I did while I was in school.
I don't know how you do it--working and blogging! I wish I had the time/energy for it... but I just can't! Don't know when I'll be back, but one day... I will be! Take care!