"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Monday, July 23, 2007

Another Day in Paradise...

I managed to work out Sunday. Even though, I felt like total shit on the inside. I'm pretty sad about the state of my life latley. I'm trying not to let it get me down. On top of that, I have PMS. As I'm listening to my coworker go on about her baby. I've heard this stupid story 5 times already today. I'm over listening to baby stories already. She's only been back a week.

CP called last night to tell me he would come today to bring me money. Which, I don't believe. He also said I could have his car tomorrow. Which, I don't believe. He went to court, and didn't get jail, but will carry a felony 5 on his record.

I'm really gonna miss having him around. I thought about that last night a lot. Just because he is a total screw up doesn't make me instantly stop liking him as a friend. I just don't wanna wait around to start my life anymore. WITH HIM. I want more for myself. You know, I don't even have enough money to move to a cheaper apartment if I wanted to. No security deposit, no first or last months rent. I'm just kinda stuck right now. I don't want to move, but I keep thinking about saving money. Something is telling me to move.

I can't even think about trying to go to school working the schedule I'm working. Midnights on the weekend, and 8-5 all week absolutely kills me. Working out 5 days a week, when I don't fucking want to. I'm always so exhausted, I'd have no time for homework, no time for school, and as things stand, no way I can go without working the second job. Thus, the reason I feel stuck. Universe? Speedy delivery a healing to my brother, so he can get his ass back to work and off of my couch.

Saturday Kat took my brother out for a few hours while I was home. It was so nice to have the place to myself. When they got back she asked if I slept all day. Sleep? Why would I waste a perfectly good day to myself by sleeping? I cleaned, and layed on my own couch. And enjoyed a mess-free table for a while.

I'm sure tonight I'm going to be bawling my eyes out. Tick tock.

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