"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Thursday, July 05, 2007

The Bee Whisperer...

How was your Fourth? Mine was quite nice. I went out Tuesday night with Kat to get away from the boys. They both wanted to go with us so I just snuck out of the house. I need some ME time, you know? I got to our regular bar around 7:20. It was still daytime. On a week night. I didn't know a single soul in there. Not even the bartender. It's like a whole different world on week nights! I was there about 10 LONG minutes before Kat came. And said my brother wanted to go out, even though he had no money and couldn't drink. I dunno what his problem is.

We had a couple beers, and some nice guy bought us a shot. We met this guy thats our age, who's going thru a divorce. I told him I've been there. We went out back to talk and the bartender told him I'm a stranger. Me, cus he took me thru the stock room to go outside. When we went back in one of the "regular" bartenders was there, and I told him this other dude called me a stranger! I was offended. However, before going outside with said boy, he said "I'm not going to try anything funny" Kat said "That's OK, she likes it". She likes it? Thanks a lot. I think for Halloween this year, you should be a pimp, and I'll be your hoe. Later, Kat shoved an orange slice down my cleavage while sitting at the bar. I told her, she better hope a boy licks that off later. Sadly, no boy did lick it off. *sigh*

I slept until 9:00 Wednesday. Not what I call sleeping in, but whatever. Me and CP cleaned out my garage. A project I've been long putting off. I decided to get rid of the bees that have taken up residence in the corner. Whenever you disturb anything over there, the whole wall vibrates with angry wings. Bumblebees. Big, fat, dumb, bumblebees. First, I thought they took the
insulation out of the wall or something, but upon inspection, saw, that they had chewed up paper, collected my hair, my cats hair, and some peices of a green rug that was in the garage to construct their little home.

I was armed with a tiki torch, and pulled apart their house. Really, it was just a giant fuzzball at first glance. Until they started swarming out of the thing. Pissed off. Now, I really wasn't afraid of them, cus bumblebees are cute, and I had no intentions of killing them, just getting them out of my garage. That quickly changed when they started to get a little too close to me. I changed weapons. I got my broom. I swept out their little egg sac thingies, and saw, that bumblebees make honey. I really thought only honey bees made honey. Seriously.

Once they saw that I meant business, they went on the attack. I think I got their queen out cus she was extra big and fat, and she wouldn't get off my broom. She had to go, but she put up a good fight. All the other bees came around too, once I started messing with her. It was on. No more Ms. niceguy. I had to defend myself. I started smacking them with the broom. Funny thing about bumblebees, they can take a good hit, and come back for more. I would knock them to the garage floor, and they got back up again. I bet the neighbors enjoyed the crazy lady weilding a broom, and talking to herself in her garage.

So, I had to stop being passive aggressive. And step on them. Sorry bee's, I gave you the chance to rebuild elsewhere but you wouldn't do it. I sprayed their former home with WD-40. What? Like I have bee killer on-hand? and moved their peices of home into the yard hoping they'd pick it up and fly off somewhere else. They were furiously crawling all over their larvae, and picking peices of the nest apart, and...going BACK into my garage. This is war. Though I killed probably a hundred bumblebees, many of them got away. Back to my garage.

I bet you thought this was going to end in my being attacked by bees, didn't you? Hell no, I could charm bees for a living or something. And, in case you were wondering, CP kept a good distance from the whole bee project. Boys are so weak.

Then all night I kept saying..."I feel bad for killing those bees". Seriously. Freaking BEES!.

I tried to video the fireworks display in the woods last night, put on by the lightning bugs, but they weren't bright enough to come up on film. It was pretty amazing. Fireworks were exploding, and it was as if they were communicating. Awesome.


Suzi said...

I can't believe you escaped without a single bee sting. Remarkable!

sir jorge said...

I had to work...it was boring.

geoff said...

They may have been Carpenter Bees. You must be careful, or Jesus will hunt you down! Just get some sevendust and plug that hole, or they'll be back.

Also - I do not believe I know a man that has yet rejected a citrus appliqu├ęd boob. Just sayin', you may not have marketed the endeavor effectively.

MzAriez said...

Way to girl for defending your territory! WD-40? Interesting choice. I'm glad you survived.

I like lightning bugs. When I was young, all the kids in my neighborhood use to collect them in a jar and then release them. There was always one kid that would smash them on people so they would "glow".

Take care.

Anonymous said...

You would think you would have learned from your mother's laying in the sun with a can of wasp spray on hand to kill them as they were attracted by the water from the hose. Or when I layed on the raft in your flip up pool (yes, a grown woman did this) and would have to dive to escape the incoming. You really may be adopted..I cannot believe a child of mine can exist without the two main staples..wasp spray and Robitussin. Get on it.
My heart went out to Derek for having to stay home even when it is the best for him. He is lonely. My poor baby boy.

EC said...

You felt bad about killing bees?? HA - you should have had me come over, I would have shot them all down in about 1 second ;)

Seriously, that would have freaked me out!! Glad you got rid of them :)

Mon said...

I think its cus i heard bumblebees dont sting. If thats not true, don't tell me. I have another round to go with those suckers.

Sir jorge:
Sorry you had to work. I'm working now. on a friday night. 1 am.

well I coulda asked I suppose.

Those were wasps.

yea, I think i live to guilt myself into feeling bad.