Up, Up, and Away!...

I had so much fun this weekend. I can't wait to post the pictures, but that'll be forever since the computer's still down. *sigh*. We went to the balloon festival in Jackson. It was only about 100 degrees out. There were vendors of all the local restaurants, and some not local. CP ate alligator on a stick. Of course, he said it tasted like chicken. Whatever. He went to every booth to get every free thing he possibly could and wanted me to carry it in my tiny purse. I was like "what am I? The packmule? I don't have the purse for that!" (that's moms nickname for the same reason only she carried a huge purse)

The balloons were like 2 hours late, and I was antsy with anticipation! Bubba and Dave went with us, and we got prime real estate close to the action. They had about 69 hot air balloons launching from the field, it was the most amazing thing I have ever seen! They all filled up around the same time, but one by one, they would take off and everyone would cheer, and when there were 40 or so in the air, it made the most amazing picture! It was like a golf game, it was commentated and everything ......."yes, there goes sandy smith of Norton, Ohio...she's in the such and such balloon. She's been a pilot for 23 years. Now, see the wind come over the hill, now thats going to affect the way she fills her balloon, if she ignites the fire, at the wrong time, the whole thing will melt, this is definately a science...it looks like she's ready, oh, and therrrrrre she goes, she's off.....let's hear it for sandy everybody".......

We waited forever for the pig shaped balloon to launch, but it never did it filled up and then deflated. It was huge. I took a ton of pictures, and a video of a launch. I'm glad I went. My mom informed me that I made fun of her for going to watch the balloons years ago. Just like I made fun of her for watching birds, which I also do. It just isn't cool, if I'm not doing it.....sorry Mom!

We left the festival and met Kat at her work parking lot, they were having a hawiian party for the fireworks. She came to greet us, wearing a leigh of pot leaves. Apparently they grow a lot of pot in hawaii? When she introduced me to one of the girls she said, "MON! The one who pee's!!!" Apparently, my reputation had preceded me. Classic. She even had beer for us, and let us eat their food! It was awesome to crash a work party! She asked if we wanted to go on a hayride. She works in 'the city' which I should say first. We go over to the 'hayride' and it's a 4-wheeler, with a trailer on the back, and 2 bales of hay strapped to it. It was the most ghetto hayride I've ever seen. But it was a killer time. We laughed and screamed so much we were crying. It was a fast hayride in the parking lot, so it tickled your stomach.

They bought this coconut bra and grass skirt, I guess it was for the boss, but he wouldn't wear it. Bubba said she'd put it on so we all three went in to the girls restroom. We were in there a while laughing, and I sang a stupid song about peeing in the dark cus I turned the lights out on Kat while she peed. Drunken songs are the best songs! Bubba got the bra on, it barely covered anything so it was an over-the-shirt type deal. We opened the door to go out and Kat's entire work party was standing outside the door, camera phones and cameras ready and she shut the door really quick and we laughed some more. Then she was like, "fuckit" and went out "here I am". We kept clinking our beer bottles on her coconuts before we took a drink.

I'm really sore. I can't figure if it's the workout on Saturday, which I'm starting to now be able to do the hops in aerobics for about 1/2 the class, so my calves hurt more. (on my way from low to high intensity...baby steps!) Or, the holding on for dear life on the hayride from hell. Dun dun dunnnnn.... Oh well, it was worth it! We tried to plan to go to the bar, but that was a bust, it was late too, after 12. CP was already partied out in the car! I stopped to get gas, cus it was a bargain at $2.88!! I couldn't pass that up!

I'm Federally Offensive...

So, I call the IRS about my pending tax return. Remember, I owe them $600. I'm thinking they can get me some kind of break for paying out the ass in taxes this year. (city, state, federal!)Back to the point, I called the government. My heart raced. I thought about hanging up, but I figured they'd trace my call and come after me for pranking them or something. I was seriosuly scared! They were very official, stating their full names, and their employee number when they answer the phone. Even the operator. Miss Smith was really nice to me, as I'm sure it's not every day someone calls to say they owe THEM money and they want to PAY.

I filed an extension in April...because I owed money, I couldn't afford to pay. Apparently, this is not the procedure. Miss Smith informed me that extensions are only for things like missing tax forms, and what-not. I was suppose to file my taxes in April, and then they would send me an amount due bill. Then, I could call Miss Smith employee number 57168115 to make payment arrangements. Whoops. She told me I would be fine, and just file them and get it out of the way. Of course I'll be fine, I'm sure there is some outrageous fee now. Plus, I'm probably going to be counted as filing a late return! And be audited! I don't save anything either. I'd be screwed.

You live and learn, right? Lessons: Never take on a second job without claiming 0 on your W-4. Why? Because you must be working 2 jobs for fun. Not to support yourself or anything. Definatly not because you had to move out of yet another man's house suddenly when he decides he doesn't love you anymore. You must have had no life for almost 2 years for shits and giggles! Certainly not for the money. Sad isn't it? Assholes! And..don't file an extension because you quit that job, and you are too poor to shell out the money you owe for working it.

Last night me and CP went to the local watering hole, for karaoke. Know what was gay? It was ladies night, beer is $1. My bud select is the beer of the month, on special for $1.50, so they charged me 1.50 vs. $1. Assholes!

On to Karaoke! CP is really outgoing sober, and not shy at all. Drunk? It's magnified by 100. I was laughing so hard I was crying. He was pretty much the 'only' singer and the DJ called it the CP show. He had him sing "two-fers" and only 3 other people sang all night. He sang a few with the DJ too. The hilight was when he decided it would be a good idea to sing Livin La Vida Loca. That song as he says "makes him go crazy" (could he be anymore retarded?) He didn't sing it well at all, he stopped and said "I don't know if I should sing high or low?" He decided not to worry about it, kept going back and forth. He was also bustin' a move. White boy has no rythm, ok? He sang Billy Idol's "Rebel Yell" ..."Walking on the sun" ..."Sex and Candy" and "Chattahoochie". Oh, he also sang that country song "Sold" you know, the super fast bidding song? He kinda made up a lot of his own words to that one.

As if those weren't bad enough, then came the music... "Daydream Believer" yes...by the Monkees, he wiped pretend sleep from his eyes and everything. He had the expressive hand movements going for pretty much every song. (happy hands club girls?) What's worse than the Monkees? "Copa Cabana" complete with his own special style of dancing that I couldn't explain if I tried. Barry Manilow!!!!??? Mind you we live in hick town! All in all it was a good night. Until we got home and he spent the night puking. After we fooled around. Niiiice. At least I got me some.

So, the ex 'Z' called me today. Why you might ask? To tell me his girlfriend starts a new job tonight, she's a stripper! Classy chick you got there buddy! Only my ex would do something like that. We've been broke up like 6 years now. You had to tell me your girlfriend's so hot she takes her clothes off for money.... yet your calling me? Ok. Thank's for sharing.

Out of Step..

Well, I'd like to thank blogger, for being down, and screwing up my day today. I didn't feel complete not reading my daily blogs. Or...blogging my unimportant information I had to share today. Like This link. that Kat sent me. It has a bunch of commercials from the 80's to watch. You're welcome.

I also forgot my freaking shoes today so I can't go to the gym in sandals! Now my whole daily routine is screwed up. I'm gonna have to walk again outside and that hurts.

I taped my screen in my window. To hopefully keep that cat away. It hasn't been around in a few days but I saw it at the people across the streets house. Lucky for them.

To add to my complaints today, CP's work is trying to make him pay for some damage that happened to a customers house. It was not intentional. Um, I thought that was why companies had insurance? Hopefully he gets the new job and can get the hell out of there. I'm so mad about it. Like we can really afford 2 grand? I think not!

Hopefully I can get back to my routine tomorrow.

Liscense To Kill...

I'd like to kill the step aerobics guy, that I foolishly said I had a crush on. For posting signs that his class was canceled, while he sat at the front desk and ate chips the entire night. Meanwhile, all the girls in his class had to find other things to do. I did 3 miles on the track, stopping every 3rd lap for a trip up and down the steps, then abs. I swear a track is way harder than the treadmill. I couldn't run nearly as much as usual.

Yesterday, I went to the pet store to get my dog some food with Bethie on our lunch break. Her usual brand wasn't in a small or medium bag, only ginormous. I decided to look for another brand. She is limited to her food, because she has allergies. She can't have wheat or corn in her food. Normally she eats chicken or turkey. Or cat shit. I saw one bag that had a sticker on it that said "allergy formula" I checked the ingredients, and the first ingredient was venisson, I said, good, the first ingredient is meat. Winner. When we got out to the car, it dawned on me....I asked Bethie "Oh no....venisson is deer isn't it?" She asked me what I thought it was.....well, I thought it was some kind of steak! What the fuck do I know? I don't eat that shit!

So, I'm sorry Bambi, my dog is going to eat you. You are sweet, docile, and harmless, but you had to die. I'm a horrible person. I'm not the kind of person who thinks no one should eat meat, but I don't have to eat it, and I control what I feed to my dog. I eat chicken and turkey. And the occasional hamburger. I just don't eat meat every day or even every week. But yes, I do eat it. I picture chickens, turkeys and cows on farms, being raised for food. Crammed into overcrowded chicken and moo moo houses, where death is a welcome thing.

Have you ever found yourself driving on a dark night and saying "hey, watch out for cows crossing the road, you don't wanna hit one of them!" Deer are wild animals. Like squirrels. Snakes, crows. People eat that shit too! *Now, I just picture a mean hunter, blowing a hole in Bambi, chopping off their poor heads to hang on the wall, and shipping off their guts to be fed to my dog. Gross. I'm sorry Little Hill...your mother is a murderer.

To top off my murderous spree, I killed a squirrel this morning. He ran right under my car after pretending he was going to go back the other way! I even swerved to miss him, but I know It was a hit, I saw him in the rear view! It made me sick to my stomach. I always picture their little animal families wondering where Mom or Dad is. Ugh. I'm awful!

I'd like a liscense to kill my Tivo! It failed me for the first time ever! Well, I failed me. I had Big Brother to keep at most 5 episodes, it's the default. But I decided I want to save all my episodes so when it's over I can re-watch them like a true addict. Well I already had 5 episodes saved, so it didn't record!!!!! I wanted to break my bitch ass TV last night! Then Bubba texts me "that was the best episode ever" fucking figures! I fixed it for the future to save all the episodes, but that doesn't erase the fact that I missed an important part of the show! Instead of monitoring my TV I was changing sheets, doing laundry, and cleaning my bunny condo. Being responsible blows! Then, on my way to bed, I stepped on a mirror that fell off of my bedroom wall. No one was hurt, but like I really need 7 years of bad luck?

*Yes...I'm well aware there is a 'supposed' deer overpopulation problem in Ohio. It doesn't mean I advocate murder for sport!

It's Just a Little Crush....

I have decided that I have a crush on my step aerobics instructor. Is that a sin? I mean, I'm engaged to be married you know. Aside from the greetings, and encouragement to the class, we don't talk. I admire him from afar. Well, one day he DID follow me into the workout area, and call my name.....but he just wanted to tell me that my membership had expired, and the next time I come in I should just make a payment. I got to sound self important and respond "I'm on a corporate account" and he said "oh, don't worry about it then, I'll fix it". He works at the gym daily, so I've ceased changing into my grubby clothes at work, and started to go to the gym still dressed up. Hair and make up done. You know, so he can see me in normal attire. Cus I know he cares. He might be gay, or married for all I know, I just said it was a crush. Not like he's going to marry me or something!

CP and I have financially moved in together. Our money is cohabitating. Except, he has no access to the money, and my personal money has been moved to another account. Our BILL money is cohabitating. This might sound controlling (who....me??) but really, it's for the best. I have turned his money around several times, only to have him take it back over, and end up in the hole (and then some), never having paid a bill. That man, can spend $30-$40 a DAY at gas stations. That's not gas either. It's lottery, pop, junk he doesn't need. If you have that kinda money, fine, but he doesn't. I asked him to put his stack of roughly 30 medical bills in order of least to most amount due last night. It's my project to pay them off. Know what he said? "Since you are paying my debts now, can you pay off the library so I can check things out? It's only $18". I told him that they wouldn't turn him into collections like everyone else.

I dunno how you live 36 years and have no concept of money management. I mean, it's a hopeless cause to let him do it himself. I don't understand it. He'd rather piss away all his money and shop at Wal Mart (aka Hell) vs. buying anything nice for himself. He did however want to buy bikes this week. Nevermind the stack of bills, or the a/c that spits water out constantly. He worries me. It's literally like teaching a child. I don't mean that in a bad way at all, it's the truth.

I think I'm seriously going to get a trap, and trap the crazy cat at my house. I suprise myself talking that way, it's so unlike me. But I'm tired of not being able to open my 1 window downstairs. I had it cracked 1 inch the other night, and the damn thing was hanging on my window sill with one foot in my window, screaching and scaring the shit out of me and my cats. If I happen to catch a skunk, I'm sure it'll make for a fun story, but I'll be calling the skunk man in the yellow pages. Screw that mess!

I LOVE salsa and brown rice. It's my new most favorite thing to eat. Besides grilled peppers and brown rice. And pizza, but that goes without saying.

Big brother is on tonight. I love it! And, I like that show Flip this house.....only the new season follows a different company around, and their cocksuckers. I do not like the owners at all, their full of themselves and condescending.

Theres No-place like....Home?

For as much complaining as I did about leaving on my work trip, I sure do miss it. It's not that I am not happy to be home, back to the humdrum humm diddily of my life, but there is something to be said for staying at a hotel, that you don't pay for. Someone cleans up after you, there's no cat hair, and if you want, someone will bring you food to your bed. You can turn the a/c down as low as you want,take several baths a day, and drink all the coffee you see fit, all because it's free.
Here are some photos from my trip, which was nothing more than slave labor. This is my awesome bed in my nice, temperate hotel room. I had enough pillows to satisfy my needs, and a down blankie. I had the most comfortable king sized bed in the world.


The stupid displays that caused us much pain..They went together, peice...by...peice...



Our company name is on most of the display areas, and...I wouldn't want to give them a bad name, with a foul mouthed employee like me. It would shatter their family image. So here are some without our name.




I had a decent weekend, aside from the fact that I ate almost an entire half gallon of ice cream. And by almost, I mean there is about 1/2 cup left in the container if you scrape the sides. Sure, it was sugar free, but that doesn't matter when you have that much. We rented movies, and CP rubbed my back and my feet. It was like I was at a spa. The weather was even nice enough to open the windows, and not sweat sitting still! We went to the park by our house on Sunday, same trail, different area. There was a waterfall, it was so pretty. The dog pooped out pretty early. I think she just got a big head from everyone telling her how pretty she is. She get's it from me you know.

My new favorite show is Flip This House, not to be confused with Flip THAT house, which is also a good show. The one I like is where they buy houses, fix them up, and sell them for a profit. It's a reality show that follows this company, and I really like it. Yesterday, they were in my future hometown of Greenville, South Carolina and bought a million dollar home for 500 grand. (My Edwin lives there, and when we get married, I'm sure he'll want to move me home with him)

You may or may not be happy to know I'm done posting pictures for a while. I've been on a roll for a week.

Math Wiz on Math...

I'm at Wendy's yesterday, my new favorite place because they have that Frescata turkey sandwhich. I swear I was only there for 2 minutes, they had me in and out of that drive thru. The person collecting my money, had the change ready before I got to the window. Like mind readers.

It brought back horrible visions of my days of slinging tacos at Taco Bell. This was back before we had two drive thru windows. They always wanted what they called 'an outside cashier'. You wore a change belt, like some freaking carnie at a fair, and took people's money in the line, before they got to the food window. All in the interest of keeping a 30 second drive thru time.

Have I ever mentioned I was tutored specifically in third grade, for counting money? There's a reason for that, I suck at it. I know there is 4 quarters in a dollar but anything else will take me some time to consider before answering. So, when my name was on the schedule to work outside, I felt ill. The manager would give me a quick run through..

MGR: "Here, see, you get the coins ready, so if they give you bills you have the coins ready, and you only have to count the cash. If they give you $1 over the amount then the change is already counted. For exampe, if the bill is 2.68, get 32 cents out in case they give you $3. If they give you $5 then you have the change ready, just count backwards their bills, for $2.32 in change."

Me: sweating..."UHH...HUH??????"

She acted like it was common knowledge to be able to count money in your head like that. It got to the point where I'd ask the freaking customer if their change was right! Is that right??? Who knows how much money I gave out, and who cares. It was their fault for making me do it. They tried to give me a calculator, but who wants to look like a moron doing that? Not me. In the future when I became a manager, I NEVER got the safe to balance. People could have been robbing us blind and I'd have been nonethewiser!

I had the male step aerobics teacher again. Hee hee. I don't like him cus he doesn't do warm up or cool down stretches much at all, and the class is not an hour anymore, its 35-40 minutes. We're being ripped off. Plus today I don't feel like I'm losing weight anymore. Same BS I ran into last time I was working out all the time. What. The. Fuck. This is why I do NOT weigh myself!

Do you know the #1 search on my blog hits is "theres a million fine looking women in the world, but they don't all bring you lasagna to work" I get at least 1 hit a day for that phrase, it is of course, from the movie Clerks. Silent Bob's words of wisdom. I decided to finally mention it today since Clerks II opens!

Remember in the Wizard of Oz, when the wicked witch melted into a pool of nothing but her hat and broom stick from being splashed with water? "I'm mellllting, melllllting". Too bad she was a freaking wuss, and water doesn't hurt anybody. Heat, on the other hand, is a whole different story! People really DO die from this shit! What is up with the heat lately? I hear it's hot everywhere! I live in the Northeast. Why the fuck does it have to be in the 90's? Why is the humidity 90%? I'm sorry, that's an exxageration..today it's actually 84% humidity. Silly girl. It's hard to even breathe in weather like this.

To feel for me, you should just go to your bath tub, fill it up with hot water, dunk your head, and open your mouth and take a deep breath. Then, you'll understand what it's like to be 105 with 90% humidity. Sunday I walked on the treadmill, no running, and I got the dry heaves from the heat, and had trouble breathing. What's the trick to this? I see people running all the time in the heat of the sun outdoors....I don't see them gagging. Speaking of torture, the back of my knee is killing me from that man who taught our step class Tuesday. We didn't warm up. Well maybe we started slow, but there was no stretching! I wonder if I can sue them for my pain and discomfort?

It's sick how hot it is. It's so hot, they have emergency heat information flashing on the TV screen during the day. Guess what? I hate being hot! Why can't the world be air conditioned? I want to live in a bubble of cool goodness, a nice 65 degrees will do me.

What are your tricks to keeping cool? For my rabbits, they get frozen 2 liter bottles in front of a fan, and marble tiles, that I put in the freezer to keep cool longer. Must be nice to be a rabbit! I wish someone would supply me with icey tiles to lounge on all day. If they did, I would at least show them some gratitude by pooping in my litterbox ALL the time, and not leaving presents around for anyone to clean up!

This is how Fizzgig deals with the heat. She's adorable.

Call Me Mad or Evil...I'm Still a Scientist ...

Sometimes I have deep thoughts. Like, the fact that there are billions of people in the world, but how often do you really see someone wearing an outfit that you own? Or, how many people have the same hair cut, or color that you do, that you pass on the street? Does anyone else find this odd? That there are that many options with clothing and hair? I saw a shirt I own on a girl in the movie X-Men 3. It was one of the girls in the school, not a main character, but I've had it since last summer and I still wear it. I got it at Old Navy. It's a graphic Tee. Big budget film my ass, it only cost $10! I also have seen several of my awesome Hello Kitty panties on Izzy from Grey's Anatomy that I buy at Target. (granted, she looks way hotter in them!)

Since a recent photo way close up of myself has come into my posession, I've been obsessed with the wrinkles I wasn't aware looked so bad around my eyes. I have zoomed in on the picture, like 100%, and I never knew I had so many freckles. Or, wrinkles. CP told me that no one looks at me that closely, and that freckles are endearing. Whatever. I want microdermabrasion. And laser wrinkle removal. I mean, since my teens, I've taken extra care of my skin, what more is a woman to do? I even cover my face up when I tan! I've cut way down on tanning (only 1-2 times a week!) So... I bought more product! I got a knockoff of Freeze 24/7. Freeze works, they have it at our Bath and Body, but it's $100, and not even I am going to pay that much for an ounce of anything. I bought Iced. It comes in the exact same packaging only a different color. It's a total knockoff. It even says it isn't affiliated with Freeze. Iced is only $30 which is still a lot, but when it works, and makes me feel good, who can put a price on that?

Remember when I said I was brilliant because I was burning my poison ivy off my hands with various chemicals, and treatments? Mainly....nail polish remover? And some other secret ingredients....it did work, but ever since the same spots on my hand have been peeling. It's been about a month, and I'm not sure how many more layers I have before it starts to get sore, and I run out of skin, but it's kinda creepy. Like, I learned how to concoct my very own flesh eating virus, out of ordinary household items! Awesome! Don't piss me off!

I wonder what I can come up with next? Maybe I can use my flesh eating concoction, as a way to peel layers from my face, and get rid of wrinkles!!! Anyone wanna be the guinea pig?

I'm all alone at work today. Bethie is recouping from the big Poison and Cinderella concert, and I'm pretty sure Tayray called off just to be with her man or something. They suck. I'm lonley.

You Might Have Too Many Cats When...

The hair you brush from 3 of the 4 cats you have, is large enough to be a whole other animal:




That looks strangley similar to my dog...



I get that amount of hair every time I brush the cats. I wish I could sell it by the pound or something. It seems so wasteful to just throw away.

I did something that I never do the other night. I dressed up for CP. You know, lingere. You might think it's no biggie, but it's huge for me! I had this thing for years, and I never wore it. I took the tags off, and sent the man a text message to work in the form of a singles ad soliciting sex. You know, to set the mood. I asked him to respond with an ETA and that I had a suprise for him. I was nervous for hours until he got home, and I had to be in the candle light, hidden behind the bedroom door until he came in. I dunno why, I just felt silly. I can't take myself seriously, when I'm wearing something I'm not comfortable in. He says he really liked it, but I expected to be ravished for my efforts, ya know?

I told him that next time I want him to dress up for me, he asked what I wanted him to dress up like, but I have no ideas! Any suggestions? He said he'd do it. CP has an interview this week with a new company. This would be a warehouse job. He likes that kinda work, and it's steady pay. Right now, he makes comission, and it's not the same pay each time, and he doesn't make that much at all. Pray he gets a new job so he can afford to keep me in the lifestyle I am accustomed to. Kidding......a little.

So I almost talked myself out of step aerobics last night, cus I forgot to bring socks. And it was 95 freaking degrees! I went, I went! Good thing too, cus that guy I said use to teach the class, taught the class last night. At first, I was laughing out loud to myself. Then, I couldn't stop smiling while trying not to laugh. There is just something about seeing a man that into his step aerobics, pumping his arms, cheering us on, that struck me as hilarious. I didn't laugh for long however, because he totally kicked our asses. He was a lot more hardcore than the regular teacher. When my clothes are soppy with sweat vs. mildly moist, that is my determination of a good work out.

Is anyone else as addicted to Big Brother as me? I'm pretty annoyed that Kayser didn't learn the first 2 times he got kicked off the show, not to trust people's 'word'. Especially not the evil Dr. Will, he's a super slimeball. I personally think it should be on each and every day to satisfy my sick need to snoop into other people's lives.

Pain and Agony in Ohio....

I had a vivid dream about my dad last night. I believe it was a visit because I thought about it all day after I woke up. It was in color. I remember that because he was having a garage sale, and he had a file cabinet for sale that was a blue/green color and I remember thinking it was an odd color for a file cabinet. He was moving in my dream, and selling everything. I personally think it means that stepmonster sold the house finally, it's been up for sale forever, and she is moving, and maybe he has to move too, or maybe he's been hanging around and he is 'moving on'. My Dad died in 2000.

I tried to do something useful yesterday, and refinish my vanity. CP found me a vanity complete with lights for $4 at a yard sale! He rocks! Only, it's an ugly 80's style wood color. I mixed some celery color with brown paint and made a tan with a hint of green shade, and varnished it with an aged varnish to make it look old. I love it! The shitty part is that it fell over and i tried to catch it by the mirror which swiveled to catch my left pointer finger between the mirror, and the stand, smashing the fucker painfully. I don't remember the last time an injury made me cry, but yesterday I did. CP had to rescue me good thing he was there. It cut my finger but the cut isn't bad, the bruise is painful. It was an hour before I could bend it. Now my nuckle is black, purple, and the bottom part of my finger hurts like a mofo. It's throbbing constantly.

Speaking of injuries, I finally have pics of Kat's mishap from my camera. This was the fourth of July weekend, I had a party, and it rained pretty bad and we were hanging out in the garage around 3 a.m. watching the lightning. Kat decided we should go play in the rain, because we were drunk, and all things sound brilliant when you are drunk. We danced around and splashed in the puddles, and sang, and laughed until our stomachs hurt. I have a 'stream' in my yard, it starts at the woods when it rains, and travels down through one of my flower beds, through the driveway and down the hill into the ditch. We followed the steady flow of water, to the ditch, which was really deep from all the torential rain. I got in nice and easy and hopped around and splashed the nasty ditch water on Kat, who jumped in balls to the wall and began stomping.

It wasn't until we were halfway up the hill that she told me she thought she stepped on something in the ditch, and she was bleeding. We thought it was hilarious, and we made it back to the garage and I gave her a peroxide soaked washrag, which soon looked like this...(note her shirt, and the empty bottle of hypnotic, and the smile on her face!)



You can see from the picture, that we thought it was the funniest thing, the boys were saying it was probably a good idea to go to the hospital, but what did we care? We couldn't really tell how bad it was cus it was dark in the garage, so I had her hold her foot up for a picture.

There you can see the nasty gash on her foot. It never stopped bleeding. It got all over my bathroom floor, the clothes I gave her to wear, and my carpet. The funny thing about the carpet is that it bled through a bandage and a sock onto my carpet, yet, we still didn't think it was that big a deal. Of course, remember that I did take her to emergency the next day, and she did get a tetnus shot.

I will have more pics coming I only downloaded close to 200 from my friggin camera! Happy Tuesday. Being back to work is a blast! I made this drink on Saturday, it contained raspberry vodka, simple syrup, and sprite. My new favorite thing ever, is simple syrup, I have it on hand for mojitos. Which, I drink mainly because I planted mint this year. Any reason to have a cocktail is a good one. Simple syrup can mix with any alchohol and it's delicous. I did see the new Pirates of the Carribean this wknd. I will just say that hot does not begin to describe how my future husband Orlando Bloom looked in this film. I suggest they pay him some extra bucks, and get him to bare his ass!! Of course, it IS a Disney film.

Pet My Peeves...

I'm out of here for 4 days! Freedom! Not like I'll enjoy it, I'm cleaning, and planting. But, I'm sleeping in dammit! Fireworks are Saturday too, I'm having some peeps over! I'm trying to do my expense report from the trade show, and it seems that I managed to piss away $58.80 on myself, that I can't expense. This really blows, now I gotta pay back the company.

I watched an episode of Dirty Jobs (my new favorite show) that showed how they make 'cracklin's' which is fried pork fat, and some type of sausage called Bodin. Let me just re-state for the billionth time, the reason I do not eat penis shaped meats......they are all fucking sick! I am more confident in my choice than ever. People eat fried fat. Fried....fat. ....I've also learned exactly how mushrooms are grown, you all think it's just a nice smelly shit pile, but you're terribly wrong. I don't eat those either.

So, for shits and giggles I've compiled a teeny tiny list of things I hate. This of course, is a condensed list. Happy weekend all!!!

Being ignored. Especially when I'm talking! You go a few weeks at a time living with someone who acts like you are not there, and see how much you like to be ignored, when you already hated being ignored to begin with! I like someone to listen to me when I am engaged in a conversation. I was talking yesterday and someone asked me 3 times if I was done talking. How fucking rude is that? Pretty fucking rude! I wouldn't say I have to be the center of attention, but I believe when someone is talking, you give them the respect you expect, and listen to them.

Being Interrupted. Ever be in the middle of telling a story, and someone cuts you off to tell a story that has nothing to do with what you were talking about, then, won't let you finish talking when you clearly started talking first? Then, when it is brought to their attention that they totally disregarded the fact that you were talking to them.

Cutting me off in the car, only to go 20mph. I mean, you just have to cut me off when no one was behind me, just so you could slow down and be a dick! People who do this should be shot.

Labels. I don't like being referred to as...'she' or 'her' when someone is in my presence. For instance, 3 of you standing around holding a book. You want to give me a book, so you tell the person next to you, "Give this to her" I don't know why this pisses me off, I think it goes along the lines of being dismissed or ignored. Like you can't even take the time to utter my name. Or if your on the phone with someone and you say "she doesn't want to go" When I'm standing right there, I think it's respectful to use someones name.

Prejudice. We are all a little prejudice. I'd be lying if I said I weren't. I don't flaunt mine, and I'm not proud of it. I hate when people aren' t ashamed to be assholes in public about this shit. I'm polish, I've been hated on plenty, and have people laugh at me simply because I am. Get a freakin' life!

Forgetfulness. I have a calendar. It's free from Hallmark each year. If you make plans with me, write it down. If you have to do something, write it down, so that when I ask you to make plans, you can say ah, I have something going on. I can't stand planning something and the last minute someone forgets they had to go to Mexico or something.

Braking on the expressway. It's called the expressway for a reason. Get off the fucking brakes already!!!! Old people are the biggest offenders. Do not let me wear cat clothes when I'm old, or put on the brakes on the e-way.

One Upping. I think everyone has a friend who has to one up them. If you're having a party. they have been thinking about it, and hurry to plan one FIRST? You never have an experience they havn't had too. Sometimes it's nice to talk to a friend or tell a story and get a reaction, instead of a better story. If everyone doesn't have a friend like this, then how the hell did I get so lucky?

Rolling Over The Hump...

I feel like I've been beaten down and stomped on a few times. I'm so beat! I'm back to the office today. Hoo-rah. We had tear down yesterday, which lasted 5 freaking hours. It was a mess. It should only take a couple of hours but our new displays were a pain in the ass. I didn't get home until almost 10pm! The only good thing about staying so late was all the free plants I took. Gerbera daisies, being the hot item on my list. I got tons of perennials from our booth, and some mini rose bushes. They will come to work on our truck this afternoon. I also scammed some carpet for my bunny condo. Free shit rocks.

Last time I posted I planned on having some R&R but I ended up going to Ohio State University with my coworkers, and the bosses wife. We have a perennial trial garden there, and we took a tour. It was pretty nice. I liked to see a lot of the plants I have at home growing there, and got some ideas on what to do with my grasses. I did get to work out again at the hotel, and I received my first workout compliment!! There was another girl on the eliptical, and when she was done she asked if she could turn the TV up for me, and said "you run a hell of a lot better than I ever could". It was awesome! Especially since I only recently have moved from fast walking to running on the treadmill. I am able to keep at a steady pace for about 15 minutes, which for me is a huge accomplishment! After that workout I swam for about 20 minutes, it was really relaxing to have the gym to myself.

Being home is really weird. I am thankful to be back at my cushy desk job, that's for sure. That manual labor crap is for the birds! CP did a pretty good job with the animals, but my house smells. If you don't clean up every day, it happens with 7 pets. Now I have a job ahead of me to clean everything up to my specifications. I was shocked at how much my dog missed me! It felt good! All my cats slept on my pillow! The bunnies, havn't decided to be nice to me just yet, their spiteful. I miss being in my freezing hotel room. Air conditioning is the bomb. Back to the grind. Where my day actually ends at 4:30 and I'm on my own watch. I don't have to eat out all the time, and I get to sit on my butt for 8 hours vs. walking on concrete. My feet will thank me.

Brokeback Flower Show..

I am nothing short of exhausted. CP felt the need to tell me that my blog is boring lately. Well, that is because my life is boring. Being at a flower show isn't exactly filled with fun and excitement around every corner. I have walked 25 miles in the past 2 days alone. I wore my pedometer. My back hurts. My feet hurt. Even my arms hurt. Yet, I still made it to the gym finally and jogged on the treadmill for 3 miles. I'm tired of sweating in the air conditioning. I have my room set on 49 degrees.

Yesterday I sort of hid out on my own. I met with my group at the booth in the morning, and went to work out, and stayed in all night. It was actually nice. Like on a vacation. Except, who the hell goes on vacation by themselves? They fixed my TV, so now I can properly select channels. This makes me happy. CP said that he has a new respect for everything I do around the house. It's about damn time! And, I'm certain he isn't even doing half of what I do. Like it's easy to clean up after him all the time? and 7 pets. As if!

I found out that there is a rumor going around about me at our PA office, that I live in Chicago, and I work from home. I should be so lucky. I dunno where that started, or why. I guess it could be worse, I could be the girl who is screwing her boss or something. I of course got the many jokes about my name. There is about 2 letters difference between me and Monica Lewinsky. Everyone thinks it's hilarious. As if I havn't been hearing it the last 8 years. Har D Har. A couple months ago at the office, our new operator paged me as Lewinsky. The entire building broke out in laughter simultaneously. Whatever it takes to get a laugh I always say.

I did meet several sales reps from a company that sells our product. I always hate doing that sort of thing, but they were very nice, and I was quite helpful. I even showed them one of our new products. That's not my job either. I rock! I attended a reception for one of our product lines, because I had to. One by one my coworkers left me to mingle. Until there was one. And then I snuck out, unnoticed. I only had 2 appetizers and a glass of wine too. Rip off!

Tonight I have a reception to go to for one of the trade magazines. It's always a good time, and all my company peeps will be there. This will be a kickin time, and I plan to get my drink on. But, not make an ass of myself.

Tomorrow is the last day of the show, and tear-down. More friggin work. But, I'll spend tomorrow night in my own bed. With my CP, and my babies. Who I miss terribly!
I'm now to sneak away, and go to the gym, catch some sun, and sneak back to the booth before the show ends at 5, so someone can buy me some damn dinner!

Contact.....

They finally got the computers up and running! I made it! I'm working like a dog, sweating like a man, and doing back breaking work! We worked yesterday until almost 7 pm. We had a booth custom made, and none of the friggin peices fit together. That was a joy. It took us 5 hours to do what should have taken 2 hours. When we went to check in the hotel, they told me I'd have to move to a non smoking room. Me, having not smoked in several hours, didn't take this too lightly. I was pretty pissed off, they are renovating my floor. I said I wanted my smoking room for the night, and called my coworker to have her handle it. I stayed in and ordered room service, which was nasty. The only thing they had mildly what I would like was Asian pancakes. I hated it. And apple pie, YUM. Then room service called to see how it was. Then they called to bring me fruit and water that I didn't want.
I didn't know room service meant harassment!

I watched Big Brother and did some exercising in the room, called CP and went to bed. It was a stressful day with the crap going on with our booth. We were all pissed off and cussing up a storm. This morning I called the front desk to see what was going on with my room, and they told me I didn't have to move. They were fixing my TV. Sweet! My room is awesome. I have 4 pillows, and that makes me smile. I also have a down blanket to snuggle with and my AC set to 55. Loving that!

Today I have been working even harder painting, unpacking plants, and carrying heavy stuff. I have several more hours to work until we are free. We're going to dinner with a group of people. I need a freakin' drink! Trade shows are hard, m'kay?

And...She's Off!...

We had a fun, non-safe holiday but I am going to wait to post about that until I finally get my pictures downloaded. I've got about 3 weeks worth of pictures. It rained but we put up our canopy and stayed nice and dry. And managed to keep a fire going. Until me and Kat decided to dance in the rain. And the ditch. Drunk. We tried to wake Tayray up to come out with us but that was unsuccessful. Which turned out to be good because Kat sustained an injury. We spent yesterday at Stat Care. More on this later.

This may be my last post for 6 days. I can't be sure. I'm leaving tomorrow for Columbus. The only computer I will get to see is at a kiosk in the convention center. I really hate traveling for work. Maybe I would like it if I got to go somewhere besides Canada or Columbus. (a 2 hour trip in the same fun state of Ohio!) Yip-E. Mind you, we have facilities in South Carolina, Florida, and even Columbia...I might risk being kidnapped for a free trip somewhere exotic. I mean, it's ONLY Bogata! And, if a few key drunkards didn't ruin charging alchohol to the company for the rest of us, that might help also. AND I have to buy new khakis for the event. No luck. Old Navy has no khakis. I dunno what to do now. I'm at a loss! I do get 2 comp days off work for working the weekend. Add that to my 3 weeks plus 3 personal days, and I've got 4 weeks vacation!

And, it's a lot of work. You know, we have to put together the entire booth area. We have some help, but mostly the sales reps and customer service stand around and be useless. Not to mention, we got a new booth this year. No one knows how to put it up really, so that'll make for some exciting fun. And, it's plants people, hundreds of them. They all have to be watered, and dead headed every day. Pity me. I don't like people, and seeing who I work with at other companies. Sometimes I'm not nice to them you know. I'm not sure if I'm coming in to the office tomorrow or if I'm getting picked up from home. Which, would rock! I'm going to miss my furkids sooooooo oooo much. I'm really nervous about CP taking care of them. Having them on medicine in my absence is what scares me. Let alone the billion things that need done every day for them.

The only thing bringing me an ounce of joy, and making it like a mini vacation, is the gym. I looked up the facilities, and they have a pretty nice indoor pool, and fitness center, and sundeck! I'll be sunning my buns on my off time. I'll also be sweating it out in the gym. Maybe they have TV in there, and I can watch Big Brother AND workout. Be jealous. What's better? I get to go to the World Gym for free for being a guest of the hotel! Arnold endorses it, it's good enough for him, it's good enough for me! It's within walking distance too! I think I'll check it out! I'm gonna pretend like I'm on the biggest loser. You wont recognize me when I get back. Too bad I'll probably be working like a dog all day and the gym will close at some retarded time. I'm too independant for this traveling shit! I like to do my OWN thing!

I leave you with this funny from CP. Who, said while running his fingers through my hair the other night "I just love your hair, it's so much better than when we first met....doh!" At least he caught himself immediately, and realized, that it was a back handed compliment. It's quite a bit longer than it was when we met. Better? I dunno about that. He apologized and stated the things that were different, not better. I told him since I am losing weight, to never let the words "you look so much thinner than when we met" come out of his mouth. I pre-warned him that I would have to smack him. Now, I've made it public.

Learning To Drive...

Am I the only person in the universe working today? Besides my coworkers? This really sucks. I know Bubba isn't at work, wanna know how? She didn't return my email, but more importantly, she isn't online at MySpace. She is forever logged on there, it's like her crack! I had to water our plants for photos today. Last time I was left in charge of this task, I forgot on a Friday and by Monday all the azaleas were shrivled and brown. Why can't the fourth of July be like, the first Saturday of July or something? And we just call it Independence day? It's freaking bullshit to come to work on a Monday and then be off on a TUESDAY. Is it completely retarded, that I love the stupid little holiday and seasonal changes that Yahoo! makes?

Saturday after aerobics, I took my little pupper on a walk. It was 90 degrees and humid. We got .85 miles on the trail and she pooped out. I let her rest in the grass, to catch her breath. She is 10 years old, that's getting up there for a dog. Long story short, we turned around to go home, until she refused to walk anymore she plopped on her belly and her harness kept going. I worked out in the yard for a couple of hours after that. I was on a mission! Freaking slugs are feasting on everything I planted. The rain is preventing me from using slug bait, so I'm pretty much screwed! CP took me to get ice cream. We went to Dairy Queen, not the usual spot. I had that brownie blast blizzard. OMG. I think it was well worth the 2,000 calories I'm certain it contained!

I got my new glasses. I'm not so sure about them, but seeing that I spent a small fortune on them I'm stuck with 'em! Their a totally different shape, and color than my old ones. I also had those for 8 years, so when I see myself I'm like, who the fuck is that? I look too serious I think. CP says I look like a nerd. He likes nerds. I think I look smart. Oh well. Soon enough, my contacts will arrive, and no one will be nonethewiser. It's hard to pick out glasses by yourself! I can however, see better.

My old glasses have been stepped on, the lenses popped out, the frames bent and twisted (on purpose, by an ex!). Scratched all up, pitted. In short, I never did see clearly! Not to mention, they weren't for correcting my astigmatism, but my contacts were. So going from one to the other was painful on the eyes. When I ordered them the dude told me that since I got thin frames, the lenses were going to stick out the sides since they would be thicker for my "problem". I remember making fun of my sister's thick glasses. Let this be a lesson to all. Every time I make fun of someone, the same shit happens to me. Am I really 30?

And speaking of getting older, I had a serious discussion about sex, after a failed attempt to get me some yesterday. You don't do THAT when you're 18! It was all about turning each other on, and how turning you on turns me on psychologically, but not physically, but him turning me on turns him on both ways, but women are different than men. Make sense? In driving terms, it wasn't that I didn't want to hop in the car and take a trip, it's that there wasn't any oil in the engine. I can't get any more graphic than that. But, wanna know what he got out of it? "So, I'm doing it wrong"? Men are so fragile. I explained that he wasn't doing it wrong, I just needed more attention! You know, there were several things sexually that he has corrected me on, to make things better for him. I went with it, my feelings weren't hurt, I didn't say "Sooooo...I'm doing it wrong?". Plus, he was the one who wanted to know what was wrong in the first place. Then I got me some. Which made me happy!

I'm having a fire this evening. An intimate gathering of friends, and alchohol. Which, is your friend! We had another bad storm last night! Me and CP were in the garage watching it. The wind knocked trees down, again. I'm pretty sure it's the end of the world. Weird shit keeps happening. Al Gore says if we don't stop pollution, we're all going to die. Well, all your kids will die, I won't be around to see it!