I'd like to kill the step aerobics guy, that I foolishly said I had a crush on. For posting signs that his class was canceled, while he sat at the front desk and ate chips the entire night. Meanwhile, all the girls in his class had to find other things to do. I did 3 miles on the track, stopping every 3rd lap for a trip up and down the steps, then abs. I swear a track is way harder than the treadmill. I couldn't run nearly as much as usual.
Yesterday, I went to the pet store to get my dog some food with Bethie on our lunch break. Her usual brand wasn't in a small or medium bag, only ginormous. I decided to look for another brand. She is limited to her food, because she has allergies. She can't have wheat or corn in her food. Normally she eats chicken or turkey. Or cat shit. I saw one bag that had a sticker on it that said "allergy formula" I checked the ingredients, and the first ingredient was venisson, I said, good, the first ingredient is meat. Winner. When we got out to the car, it dawned on me....I asked Bethie "Oh no....venisson is deer isn't it?" She asked me what I thought it was.....well, I thought it was some kind of steak! What the fuck do I know? I don't eat that shit!
So, I'm sorry Bambi, my dog is going to eat you. You are sweet, docile, and harmless, but you had to die. I'm a horrible person. I'm not the kind of person who thinks no one should eat meat, but I don't have to eat it, and I control what I feed to my dog. I eat chicken and turkey. And the occasional hamburger. I just don't eat meat every day or even every week. But yes, I do eat it. I picture chickens, turkeys and cows on farms, being raised for food. Crammed into overcrowded chicken and moo moo houses, where death is a welcome thing.
Have you ever found yourself driving on a dark night and saying "hey, watch out for cows crossing the road, you don't wanna hit one of them!" Deer are wild animals. Like squirrels. Snakes, crows. People eat that shit too! *Now, I just picture a mean hunter, blowing a hole in Bambi, chopping off their poor heads to hang on the wall, and shipping off their guts to be fed to my dog. Gross. I'm sorry Little Hill...your mother is a murderer.
To top off my murderous spree, I killed a squirrel this morning. He ran right under my car after pretending he was going to go back the other way! I even swerved to miss him, but I know It was a hit, I saw him in the rear view! It made me sick to my stomach. I always picture their little animal families wondering where Mom or Dad is. Ugh. I'm awful!
I'd like a liscense to kill my Tivo! It failed me for the first time ever! Well, I failed me. I had Big Brother to keep at most 5 episodes, it's the default. But I decided I want to save all my episodes so when it's over I can re-watch them like a true addict. Well I already had 5 episodes saved, so it didn't record!!!!! I wanted to break my bitch ass TV last night! Then Bubba texts me "that was the best episode ever" fucking figures! I fixed it for the future to save all the episodes, but that doesn't erase the fact that I missed an important part of the show! Instead of monitoring my TV I was changing sheets, doing laundry, and cleaning my bunny condo. Being responsible blows! Then, on my way to bed, I stepped on a mirror that fell off of my bedroom wall. No one was hurt, but like I really need 7 years of bad luck?
*Yes...I'm well aware there is a 'supposed' deer overpopulation problem in Ohio. It doesn't mean I advocate murder for sport!