"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Friday, July 28, 2006

I'm Federally Offensive...

So, I call the IRS about my pending tax return. Remember, I owe them $600. I'm thinking they can get me some kind of break for paying out the ass in taxes this year. (city, state, federal!)Back to the point, I called the government. My heart raced. I thought about hanging up, but I figured they'd trace my call and come after me for pranking them or something. I was seriosuly scared! They were very official, stating their full names, and their employee number when they answer the phone. Even the operator. Miss Smith was really nice to me, as I'm sure it's not every day someone calls to say they owe THEM money and they want to PAY.

I filed an extension in April...because I owed money, I couldn't afford to pay. Apparently, this is not the procedure. Miss Smith informed me that extensions are only for things like missing tax forms, and what-not. I was suppose to file my taxes in April, and then they would send me an amount due bill. Then, I could call Miss Smith employee number 57168115 to make payment arrangements. Whoops. She told me I would be fine, and just file them and get it out of the way. Of course I'll be fine, I'm sure there is some outrageous fee now. Plus, I'm probably going to be counted as filing a late return! And be audited! I don't save anything either. I'd be screwed.

You live and learn, right? Lessons: Never take on a second job without claiming 0 on your W-4. Why? Because you must be working 2 jobs for fun. Not to support yourself or anything. Definatly not because you had to move out of yet another man's house suddenly when he decides he doesn't love you anymore. You must have had no life for almost 2 years for shits and giggles! Certainly not for the money. Sad isn't it? Assholes! And..don't file an extension because you quit that job, and you are too poor to shell out the money you owe for working it.

Last night me and CP went to the local watering hole, for karaoke. Know what was gay? It was ladies night, beer is $1. My bud select is the beer of the month, on special for $1.50, so they charged me 1.50 vs. $1. Assholes!

On to Karaoke! CP is really outgoing sober, and not shy at all. Drunk? It's magnified by 100. I was laughing so hard I was crying. He was pretty much the 'only' singer and the DJ called it the CP show. He had him sing "two-fers" and only 3 other people sang all night. He sang a few with the DJ too. The hilight was when he decided it would be a good idea to sing Livin La Vida Loca. That song as he says "makes him go crazy" (could he be anymore retarded?) He didn't sing it well at all, he stopped and said "I don't know if I should sing high or low?" He decided not to worry about it, kept going back and forth. He was also bustin' a move. White boy has no rythm, ok? He sang Billy Idol's "Rebel Yell" ..."Walking on the sun" ..."Sex and Candy" and "Chattahoochie". Oh, he also sang that country song "Sold" you know, the super fast bidding song? He kinda made up a lot of his own words to that one.

As if those weren't bad enough, then came the music... "Daydream Believer" yes...by the Monkees, he wiped pretend sleep from his eyes and everything. He had the expressive hand movements going for pretty much every song. (happy hands club girls?) What's worse than the Monkees? "Copa Cabana" complete with his own special style of dancing that I couldn't explain if I tried. Barry Manilow!!!!??? Mind you we live in hick town! All in all it was a good night. Until we got home and he spent the night puking. After we fooled around. Niiiice. At least I got me some.

So, the ex 'Z' called me today. Why you might ask? To tell me his girlfriend starts a new job tonight, she's a stripper! Classy chick you got there buddy! Only my ex would do something like that. We've been broke up like 6 years now. You had to tell me your girlfriend's so hot she takes her clothes off for money.... yet your calling me? Ok. Thank's for sharing.


supplymadam said...

I seriously want to try karokee. My friend does it all the time. She likes to sing Jewel. Did I mention she weighs about 270 lbs? Amazingly enough she sounds exactly like jewel when she signs. I just sit there like a lump because I cannot sing in front of people,but in the shower I am a hit.
Nice that your "ex" keeps you updated on his sleazy girlfriend. And his point?
Taxes? They suck. They make it seem like you owe thousands.

Mon said...

It's fun, but I have to be tanked to do it. I'm too self conscious!
My ex has no point. He's obviously not happy or he wouldn't keep calling me! Idiot!
I know, the government doesn't harass the rich folk who owe way more than I do!!!

Rachel said...

Karaoke? Wow. That sounds kind of fun, in a way.

I can't believe you're ex called to tell you that. What a dork!