"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Thursday, April 26, 2012

A Letter from My Mother..

Cleaning my spare bedroom recently, (for guests!!) I came across the letter my Momma wrote me when I was 14, as a school project for my time capsule, to be read on graduation day, when I was 18. I re-read it at 36, and it just goes to show, that your Momma knows who you are from the time you are born.

And, here is my letter:

When you read this you will be a senior. By then you may have forgotten the agonies of being in the eighth grade, and being 14 years old. Everything is a crisis for you. You are now, and have always been very dramatic. Being the last of three children , I say you will be the one to give me all my grey hair. We can't seem to get along for any length of time. We are always butting heads. You are a loving child, but also an unruly one. You are a very pretty girl and I hope one day that you will see that for yourself. Right now you aren't very happy with your hair or your looks and of course you say you are fat. 

You don't know that you will outgrow these feelings. You are very unique. As a baby everyone said you looked just like a china doll. I don't suppose I have been much fun as a mother to you. I have raised you alone for 6 years, and so far being a single parent has not been easy for me. I apologize for my phobia keeping me from taking you to places like the mall or the movies. You don't understand my life, or my resentments toward your Dad, (RIP Daddy, who died when I was 23) and I know you have felt alot of pain over that. 

I hope that you will be able to remember a lot of the good things about our life together. Today, you told me I was pretty. You always want to fix my hair and dress me. At this time in your life, your cat Maggie, is a source of love for you. (RIP Maggie Magpie, who also died when I was 23..)

I hope you can one day accept and love yourself. 

Trust in God. he has put you here and you are very special to him. I don't know what you will be when you grow up, you change your mind about careers so often. 

I hope that I will be here when you open your time capsule. If not, please know that I do love you very much and I pray that you will be happy in life. You are a very determined person, so whatever you set your mind to, I am sure you will accomplish. You have a strong will, and although it is hard for me to deal with that, I am glad you are that way. You will get what you set your mind to. Several of my friends, and some nurses at the hospital said if anyone belongs on a stage, it is you because of your dramatic behavior. So maybe you consider acting as a career?

I wish I could spare you any pain in this world but that is impossible. I did the best I could with what I knew in raising you. The rest is up to you and God. He has a lot of beauty on the earth if you just look for it. I  brought you into the world, and in my prayers, I have given you to him. 

Don't ever hide your feelings, they are you. Don't ever think your feelings don't matter, they do. Don't ever feel you aren't important, you are. I pray that you will meet the Lord because in him you will find the best in you. 

I wish you luck in the future. Remember every day to be grateful for something, no matter how small, and you will be happy,. Don't ever settle for what other people say you can have, get what it is you deserve. 

I suppose soon you will be on your own and I imagine the best part of that for you is that you can spend as much time on the phone as you want. 

Stay honest, be true to yourself, show love and compassion for others, but love yourself most of all. Savor each day for what it has to offer. No matter what memories of your family life you carry with you, remember it was all for the sake of love. I know you will be successful. You come from a family of survivors. 

Accept life on life's terms. 

Love, Mom

I get my strong will and determination from my Momma.  I'm lucky to have a Mom that knew enough to teach me to value myself. I always understood gratefulness, mindfulness, and that by putting myself first, I would be happy.

I love my Momma, she is a very smart lady!


sazza said...

What an amazing letter, and an amazing woman x

Teena in Toronto said...

Great letter! Hang onto it.