"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Gone, But Not Forgotten...

I don't talk much about my Dad.

He left this earth on April Fool's Day, 2000 at the age of 52. I was on my way to a comedy show with a group of friends when my brother called to tell me the news. I accused him of playing an April Fool's Day prank on me.

I can't imagine how hard it was for him to have to be the one to deliver that message, only to have me not believe him.

Aneurism. He was in great health, he had just had a bunch of tests done to be on the fire brigade at his work, where he was a plumber for Loral. (Formerly, Goodyear Aerospace) He mowed the lawn, and collapsed in the bathroom while getting a shower.

Just like that, someone can leave this earth. No warning.

Mom and Dad were divorced for 16 years when he died, and we only saw him on weekends until we were old enough to drive. Most of this is thanks to his hasty re-marriage to a woman whom I unaffectionalty refer to as "the step-monster".**

Thankfully a year before he passed, I started making an akward effort to go and spend time with him, even if it was just watching an Ohio State game (ugh, football!!), mostly in silence,  or talking about our dogs.(I got a Shih-Tzu because he had one)

Just days before he passed, I had borrowed a plumber's snake for my toilet, and I had visited him to return it. It wasn't much, but I was pretty grateful later on, that my toilet had clogged so badly.

Even though we weren't close, he was my Dad, and losing him at 23 was one of the hardest things I had to go through this far in life.

When my husband left me, he paid off  my car, my utilities, and even gave me a few mortgage payments to help me out. My Dad wasn't good with words, or showing love, but he always took care of us.

I miss him every day, and am secretly jealous of people who still have both of their parents alive on this earth. You don't know until it's too late, that it can all be gone in a flash.

Hug your Dad's today, and say whatever you are not saying to him. You will be glad that you did.

**Stepmonster footnote**. When my dad died, he had the veterans at his funeral since he was in the Navy. They did the whole rifle shooting, and flag folding ceremony. My Mom called stepmonster before the funeral to ask if my brother (his only SON!) could have the flag that was on my Dad's casket and she replied "No! I'm the wife!!"

She only wanted the attention to be on her. They didn't have kids together. My brother deserved that part of my father's memory, which since we have never seen or heard from her again, is now gone forever.

The day after the funeral? Stepmonster called us (his KIDS) to come go thru all his things, which she had all piled into the spare bedroom. Whatever we didn't take she was getting rid of.

Monster, indeed!


Debbie said...

The card brought tears to my eyes because my father is gone too (1987 when I was 29). It's hard to believe he's been gone so long.

Thanks for sharing your memories.

Rachel said...

Oh dearest. Hugs to you for Fathers Day. xo

whitespace said...

Such a very sad story. I have 2 dads I guess - I have a step one who (despite 20 years of animosity) is now an amazing person that I feel lucky to have in my life, and a biological one that my mother and I were lucky to escape alive from.

Last Fathers Day I wrote a blog post about how you can have a father who doesn't deserve to be called one, and you can have one who isn't 'really' your dad but has earned the right to be called it.

I'm sorry your step monster missed out on having you as her daughter. It was her loss.

Fizzgig said...

you just never get over the loss of a parent.

thank you!!

I totally agree! and I'm happy you got to have an amazing father figure in your life! i agree, stepmonster lost out on some great kids!

Carolyn G said...

What a beautiful post except the last part about your StepMonster. Boo on her.

Teena in Toronto said...

My father's been gone for over 40 years ... I didn't have a lot of time with him.