"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Sometimes I wish I could act like a boy....

I think that having a penis, must add some sort of super duper weight maintenance gene to your body. Like, that cool turbo pet hair brush attachment I have for my vaccume cleaner. The penis is to the body, what a turbo pet hair brush is to a vaccume.... Sound about right ladies? Can I get a what what? Ugh.

There's a guy in boot camp, he lost 10lbs his second week. First week? 13. Third week? 8. Here's what he said "but I'm swimming 2 days a week too". Huh? I walk 3 miles 5 days a week on top of boot camp. I workout twice a day on boot camp days. How am I going to be biggest loser and get a free month's workout, with some stinking man hogging it up each week? They should have their own category! It's completely unfair!

Plus, they get to eat a billion more calories than we do, and still lose weight. It makes me almost believe in god, because the whole adam and eve thing sounds about right. We're definately paying for something horrible we must have done as a sex.

Boys are also way quicker to get over heartbreak. They can forget about you in like, 2 seconds flat. While we all secretly know this is an act...they have the ability to put on a front like they don't give a shit, and get it on with random chicks. They sleep perfectly fine, while we are up crying for days, weeks, months.

When I write my best selling novel...there will be an entire chapter dedicated to how life is 100% easier for men. And of course, since it's my book, I won't consult a man when writing it. (I may also have an end page that then lists the reasons I'm happy I am not a man. Such as testicles, putting the moves on women, and picking up chicks)

This past weekend, the cute as can be manfriend took me to Bob Evans (yummm). I had 2 egg beaters, 2 turkey sausage links, home fries (shhh, they were PLAIN) and a biscuit. That was my big splurge, that I had a biscuit and home fries. (with no ketchup mind you, I am a ketchup whore when it comes to breakfast foods) The manfriend? He got those cream filled cinnamon pancakes with whipped cream topping. Real eggs with CHEESE on top. Sausage gravy and biscuits. And bacon.


I'm talking to the other girls in boot camp about how I "cheated" cus I had homefries and biscuit, and they tell me they had burgers, pizza, DONUTS!!! How much you want to bet neither of those bitches gains anything this week? And neither of them workout other than 3 times a week at bootcamp. It's so unfair. I'll have way healthier arteries though. They can suck it.


merider (M.E.-rider) said...

LOL...you can get a "what what" from me! I so agree. I ride with men who eat like pigs. I eat normal and just get fatter. It's so not fair. But personally, your breakfast at BE sounded yummier than his creamcheese filled pancakes! ;-)
Thanks for the laugh this morning.

Barb said...

You are probabley OVER exercising! I lost 100#s doing Curves 3 times a week--that's only a hour and a half in 7 days! Believe me, if you cut down I guarantee you will se results in no time!!!

kat said...

I agree 100% that men have it so much easier. They lose weight in no time at all. I wonder if it is becuase our bodies are made to store fat for stupid child bearing. They are made to have muscle and fight. I hear muscle burns more calories than fat. Either way it blows the big one!


Erin said...

Just some more of the many reasons that men suck ;)

And by the way - I bet even if you don't lose a lot more weight then them, that your body will be rockin' while theirs will still be flabby as hell ;)

Fizzgig said...

yea, but i really love pancakes! lol.

ive heard that before but in the past year have tried more and less, and not at all. this is the only thing thats worked, bootcamp.

boys always have it easier.

yeaaaaa i agree! lol

Alaskan Dave Down Under said...

And we get to play with power tools and "putter" in the garage.