"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Checkin' Yer Reality..

Happy anniversary to me. I've been at my job for one year today. One year. All I get is a crappy certificate that says my name and one year on it. It's all not exciting at all. You know what would be exciting? A raise. But, I havn't even gotten so much as a meeting request to even hint at the fact that I might be having a review any time soon. I have PMS. I'm a downer. Even though, I started my new pill pack before having a period, so I don't have one. It's due right smack dab in the middle of my freaking birthday weekend. And..no one is stifeling my sexcapades with the man. Not even mother nature.

Last night at the second job, one of the girls comes in and says "I see you're still here". I said "why wouldn't I be?" I thought she thought I quit or something since I missed Thursday and Friday last week. She told me they laid a bunch of part timers off on Friday. I said maybe I just hadn't gotten my walking papers yet? They told me when I hired back in that it would be temporary 3-6 months. It's only been two. I need that extra month. At least! I havn't done one thing but try to get caught up with my money. Nothing. So I sat and waited all night and never got "the letter". I do know that some of the people that are gone, worked less hours than me...or less days. Your suppose to work 20 hours, in 5 days. We'll see.

So, I turned my heat down last night, and lurked in the darkness again. I have to save money. It's pretty sad. I'm trying not to let it get me down. Looking for yet another part time job, doesn't thrill me. The thought of getting a roomate? Thrills me less. Even more when I consider my brother. *cringe* The only bad thing about that, is that I'd be stuck with him until one of us died. And, as mean as that may sound, it's totally true

On the way home from the second job I thought for sure I was going to win the lottery so I bought $5 in scratch off's. I won $1. *Sigh*. When I get down I workout. Even though my house is a wreck, and I still feel a little like ass.. I opted to work out last night. I only did 35 min/2 miles. I did a deep incline, and jogged the whole time. When I was done I felt like I was gonna barf. Not such a great idea I guess. But I felt better.

I have been at the 50lb mark (give or take 3-4lbs each week I gain it, and lose it) for about a month now! It's depressing, but at least I havn't gained, seeing how I sit on my ass for 14 hours a day, I'd say that's a pretty good accomplishment. I just have to trust that everything will work out with a job. If I get let go from the second job, then I do. I can afford to live on one job. It'll just be super tight, and my credit cards will not be paid off. If I just had those gone, I would have over $100 in my pocket each month. I'm holding on til February, when I get three paychecks from the first job. I will be able to get ahead. And then...I have to pray I don't owe taxes again this year, and maybe I can have some savings. I really believe my time will come. I've been struggling financially for over three years. Trying to pay my bills off, so I can buy a house and live comfortably. Dreams? I got 'em!

I guess the threat of losing the second job so soon, has put things into perspective. Stop trying to figure everything out right now. I'm not moving. And maybe that's a good thing. I will just stay put, and let life figure itself out. I'm kinda sick of doing it anyway.


Perfect Patti said...

Someone told me over the weekend, "Just let it be what its going to be...by forcing it you are changing it and maybe not in a good way."

Good for you working out instead of letting things get to you. I'm proud of you!

EC said...

Here's a thought - why don't you just move in with the boy??

Mon said...

Perfect patti:
I know. I think thats my lesson to learn in all of this mess. patience. And that i cant control everything. its hard though!!

I think thats all part of the grand plan in life. Normally, i wouldve shacked up with someone I love so much. I think the fact that it's not come up is also a sign...patience. And when it happens we'll know that much more that it's the right decision. I've been on my own for 3 years in a row, and 2 years before living w/the last 2 guys. He hasn't done that. He needs to.