"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Friday, June 16, 2006

The First Cut Is The Deepest..Part 2..

Suprisingly, back when I was young and naieve, I wanted to have kids. Mostly looking back, I think it was more D that wanted them, not me. Plus it was what you did. Not that I really always wanted to be a Mom, because that's not true at all. He had a big bad job at Arby's, and I had my super Taco Bell career goin' on! Once he graduated, he got into a machine shop so we could afford to move out on our own. Where did we move you ask? His friend's garage!

Yes, we had big dreams for this garage. It was already turned into a guest "house". Of sorts. Minus walls, and a toilet. And heat, and a stove. It had a refrigerator! We spent all our spare time drywalling, and painting it. My dad was a plumber, so he got us a toilet, and ran a line for us to have a sink. We got a camp stove to cook our mac and cheese on. We had a waterbed, with no heater, and no heat. We nearly froze to death a few times, and had to go to one of our Mom's to shower, but dammit, we had our own place! And I had my 7 year old cat, Maggie. Life was good!

That arrangement only lasted about 3 months, and we got a real apartment, with a real landlord. A nice two bedroom with a balcony in Akron. Heat, a bathroom, you know, the works! I got a real job, working at a bank office doing auto loans. Kat got a job there too. And, that's where we befriended Heather. Whom, we disliked in high school btw. We refer to it as "the spank" because it was the biggest joke of a job. They treated us like third graders. It was hell for 3 years!

D was forever talking about having a baby. Some of his friends had kids. I kept telling him no way until we were married, and when the hell was that gonna be anyways? By that time we were together for 3 years. When you are 19, that's like, a lifetime! He was telling me we needed to buy a house cus we were throwing money away in rent. I got my first bunny, Bumper. And we found a siamese companion for my siamese mix cat Maggie. 2 cats and a Bunny. The menagerie starts. That first Christmas, he bought me a sweeper. That was my big gift, at 19. And I married him?

Yes, he proposed finally, without a ring. At 2 a.m. after being out with his friends, drinking. I didn't care. I called everyone with the news! Katie wanted me to point out that she always told me he was an ass. But the truth is, everyone told me that. No one was that super excited for me either. The older me says, this should have been a sign. But, who believes in signs at 19?

I picked out a ring, and the house hunting began. We took a while to find our house, looked in different areas, there wasn't much to choose from in our price range. Our house, cost a whopping 48,000. It was a teeny tiny cape cod. It was really nice, but really small. The kitchen didn't even have room for a table, we had a bar attached to the wall with stools, that took up most of the space. But it was home, and it was ours. We spent the next year planning our wedding, and fixing up our house.

Of course, things weren't always blissful. He started to spend more time with his friends. That never included me. He lived two separate lives. I took him from his friends, and they took him from me. It was a constant battle. He had a cousin that just got out of jail for drug trafficing at that time. Once he came into the picture things got worse with us. I wouldn't let him invite him to our wedding. I'm a bitch like that. We did also have a lot of couple friends that we hung out with all the time, so it wasn't all bad. We had a lot of good times. He made me laugh. And I was completely myself with him. He was good at taking care of me.

Our wedding was pretty easy to plan. His uncle was a photographer, so that was a gift to us. My dad got his union hall for free, and paid for the food. His cousin and her husband were DJ's so that was free. We didn't have alchohol, cus we were too young to drink. That didn't stop people from drinking in the parking lot. We only really had to pay the preacher, tux, my dress, and my mom did all my flowers. The cake cost more than anything else did.

We were married September 14, 1996. He was 19 and I was 20. It was the happiest day of my life. It really was. I was confident that I was marrying the right guy, it felt right. I also thought in the back of my mind...marriage would change him. He wasn't my ideal mate....but he COULD be.

We also released two doves after the ceremony, that didn't stay together, they flew apart. It should have been another sign. I couldn't believe I had everything I always wanted. We honeymooned in Cancun. That, was worth the whole sha-bang if you ask me. I remember every detail like it just happened. You think when you are young, that marriage will change the other person. If their willing to marry you, they must be willing to stop doing things, you know, for love. Boy, was I wrong.

To be continued.....


supplymadam said...

I am so glad I waited to get married at 30.

bethie said...

mon i'm on the edge of my seat! it's like watching windfall...lol

Mon said...

Supplymadam: That is what I try to tell my unmarried friends! You really don't know yourself!
Bethie: i dunno that show is pretty damn good, there is more action!