"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Wednesday, July 04, 2012

Self Esteeem

I have kept in touch with exactly two of my exes in my whole life. One has been since we broke up back in 1999. It's been different thru the years, friends, friends with benefits, friends, we just never lost contact.

When I met exmanfriend, I changed the rules, it was 3 years of him wanting to see me, and my firm answer of no. Every few months he'd check in. and I'd say I had never been happier. I couldn't see myself without exmanfriend in my life, so the benefits are not on the horizon.

Now, said ex is getting married. For some reason his upcoming nuptuals, and my single-ness have spurred his interest in having friendly benefits with me again. "one last time" as if it is perfectly OK, because I am single.

I try to be a friend and tell him he shouldn't marry someone he doesn't think he will be happy with, and is trying so desperately to cheat on, but he thinks one last "hurrah" is going to make his lifetime of matrimony better, because, through the years, I've been there. 

But what about me? I am so not the girl that will settle for a romp with an ex just because they want to. If all I wanted was sex, I could get it anytime, with a single guy...hello, I'm a girl!

I am a firm believer in karma. What goes around, comes around.

I don't need that bad karma in my life, I have had enough bad luck in relationships!

Recently, said ex needed to buy a quick used phone from the same provider I have, and I happened to have a perfectly good phone, and the need of some fast money, so I said I'd sell it to him.

We met up for the business transaction, and I got such a great satisfaction at the fact that he couldn't believe how well I've aged, and how amazing I looked. I don't care how it may sound, it never gets old to hear an ex talk about how they messed up by letting you go because you are such a great person, and how good you look, no matter how little interest you have in them. Score one for me.

I listened to the crap about how I deserved to be happy, and how some day I will be getting married too. I couldn't help but respond with "I know what I deserve, and I will marry the man of my dreams, and when that happens, I'll never for a second think about cheating on him".

For the first time in a long time, it felt good to make decisions based on what I want, and not what I thought I deserved. I know what is coming my way, so long as I stay true to myself.

In the meantime, I'll be over here, swimming in my crystal clear karma pool, waiting for the future Mr. Me to show up, and knock my socks off!


Carolyn G said...

YAY YOU! I don't know your ex but he is sort of rat wanting to cheat on his soon to be wife. UGH

I am glad you are swimming in the pool of good karma!

Fizzgig said...

agreed. what the heck would i get out of contributing to something like that? I just don't get the concept!!

Little Missy Me said...

Boo yeah! Kick some arse.
But wtf?! to him, because if he thinks that having "one last hoorah" will send him happily off into matrimony he is dumber than "dumb and dumber" - once a cheater always a cheater.
stupid douche bag

Mel said...

Yay for good karma! And good for you!

I have stayed friends with a couple of my past BF's as well - and actually received the advise of "Mel, don't ever settle, you are too good to settle" from one of them and to this day I thank him for that.

And really, what a butt hole wanting to cheat. I still cannot even fathom those people (and I have known a few) that want to see all of their ex'es "one last time" be it to talk/etc before getting married. If you are truly happy, you should not need to validate yourself/your relationship with one last meeting with your ex. That is just silly to me.

Fizzgig said...

missy me:
I agree. I am not gonna be party to that, and I will never understand the mentality behind it. It's just not me!

i agree!! if you have those thoughts, you shouldn't be getting married!! It's not a good sign, but you reap what you sew, and he will learn that one day!!

Debbie @ Live from La Quinta said...

I am happy to see that you finally realize how special and important that you are. Because you have high standard for yourself, when you find the right person it will be so good :-)

Allison M. said...

I sort of wanted to punch him through the screen after reading this.

I'm all about the crystal karma pool too. Everything comes back to you in some respects and I can see that in my own ex's life. You can't throw that much negativity out in the universe and not think it's going to come back to you somehow.

Now, don't respond to any more of his texts....

Fizzgig said...

so true!!!! thank you!!

agreed! and I told him that he needed to stop contacting me. Aside from the hassel, the last thing I need is a disgruntled wife coming after ME because her husband is a turd. I have done nothing wrong, but it never goes that way when the girl finds another girls number in your phone!