I'm OK, You're Ok...

A post by a fellow blogger, got my wheels turning. I love to read inspirational posts, especially when I can so closely relate! Check out Urban Cynic! 

I've been single forever. Like, years forever. I've dated here and there, but nothing special. If I put too much thought into being single, it can be terrifying.

I take each day as it comes, and I am happy. Sincerely...happy on my own!

I spent the majority of my adult and teen life in relationships. My longest "single" stretch before now was 7 months. And that seemed like a lifetime at 25!

I was a relationship hopper, for sure! Being alone? Gasp!!!

Relationships are comfortable when you are use to being in one, and unless you pass through the uncomfortable part, you will never get to the good parts!

Relationships also require sacrifice. The longer you are on your own, and learn to embrace a single life, the easier it is to realize the things you are willing to sacrifice.

Being single, forces you to really understand who you are. Not just because you have all sorts of time to reflect on what was right, or wrong in said relationships..but more importantly, because you realize the things that truly make you "you".

The longer you are single, the more you are forced to face the idea that yes...maybe you will be alone forever. And so what? As long as you embrace the idea, you might as well start finding things to fill up your life. Plan for your future. Decide what makes you tick!

Once you give in to the idea, and start to appreciate your single life, it seems less like a "curse" and more like a "blessing".

Knowing how I prefer to live my life on my own, makes it easier to decide how another person will compliment my life, rather than "make my life".

I've never given myself the time to learn these things. In the past I thought I had it all figured out, but now I know who I am "on my own".

And even though, years back, I'd have rather been in a relationship than be single, as always, the universe gives us what we need, and not what we want.

I wouldn't trade these past few years of being single for anything. Something that seemed so scarey, turned out to be a blessing!

I have accomplished so much, because I was forced to. I had nothing else to focus on besides me, and that has been the best blessing in disguise I've ever had!

What a Difference Two Years Makes...

One of the best things about being single, is the time you have to focus on yourself. At first this is terrifying. Being alone. Oh, the horror! It's scarey. It's lonley. No one understands.

It's been over two years.

This the longest I have ever been single since my very first boyfriend at 12 years old.

Dating? Yes. But without the strong need for being a "couple" dating forces you to be more choosy. In the past I'd have held on to someone who wasn't right for me, simply to be a "couple".

Two years of trying new things. Spending more time with friends and family. Discovering the greatness of Friday happy hours with my girlfriends, and early Saturday runs. Getting in shape....NOT just losing weight. Running races (I still can't believe this one!!) and simply getting to know myself.

Two years of finally having a savings, paying off debt, getting new furniture, and a new car. Learning that you are what you eat, and loving that journey, just as much as I hate it.

Being single forces you to enjoy your own company. Loving your alone time, and being in touch with your own thoughts, feelings, and dreams, without the distraction of what anyone else has to say about it.

Was I letting others hold me back until now? No. I just wasn't ready to be alone. But when you need "something" badly enough, the universe finds a way of making you find out what that "something" is.

Sometimes I find myself wishing I was in love. But if I had someone else to focus on, I'd have never had the opportunity to learn my limits, or find out what I am capeable of, which is far more than I gave myself credit for.

The fact that I am still single doesn't mean I am horrible. Or unloveable. I won't wind up an old maid with 80 cats. To me, it simply means I still have more to learn. I'd rather take the time now, so that when love does find me, I am 100% ready.

I'm learning to embrace what life has given me, rather than fight it.

And what's to fight? Because honestly,  my life is really great. Instead of wallowing in self pity for two years, or needing the constant distraction of others, I've had the opportunity to appreciate who I am. I get to realize that while some people I know are in loveless, or unhappy relationships, I still have the opportunity to find my happily ever after!

And when the stars are aligned, that person with an equally great life is going to cross my path, and the possibilities will be endless.

We All Love...

Sometimes you have a bad day at work, and  then, everything starts to feel bad, and you can no longer keep up a strong front.

"I'm no spring chicken.  I thought I'd own my own home by now. Why don't I have a significant savings? What if I wind up alone and a ward of the state when I am old, without a hand to hold, or even my cats to comfort me? I am such a good person with a big heart, why am I still alone?"

And then I heard a song that made me remember feelings I thought I had forgotten, so then...I sobbed the entire drive home.





After my good cry...I came home. To an apartment that I love, and pets that I adore. I had friends to talk to, and a family that would listen to my endless tales about times gone by.

Mr. Magoo shows off his only front tooth alot. I also captured his one good eye in this shot. 

It's ok to still hurt. It only means I am still not ready to move on. Which is OK. We all have our own demons to face before we find our pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

I have not yet become bitter about love. I still love it and all that it represents. I still feel optimistic that I am going to have that amazing feeling again. I just refuse to settle for someone. I want "the one". I have plenty of prospects, and dates, and guys that like me, but really....it means nothing to me. I want so much more than that. I could settle down, but I refuse to "settle". None of them light my fire.

"Everyone says love hurts, but this is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love. But in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes someone feel wonderful again" -Greg Braden

Rejoining the Real World after My "50 Shades of Grey Getaway"....

 I spent my weekend on zero sleep. 50 shades of addicted, I was. I don't remember the last time I was so tired, and sleep deprived, that  I could not sleep.  I kept waking up to thoughts of Christian Grey. So I read more....I finished the series this afternoon, (3 books in 4 days/nights) so I can now resume life in the real world! (and get some rest!)

I'm all about commitment...so when I set out on this fifty shades journey, I knew I would finish it. 

I never thought I would relate to so many aspects of this relationship, given the reputation of this series. (of course, not ALL aspects...ahem...)

But, what can I say? I. Just. Love. Love!! Unattainable, unrelenting, and unrealistic? Maybe, but that's why we have books and movies, isn't it??!! As the tale unfolded, it caused me to revisit old feelings that I have kept bottled up. Not just  the spicy sex stuff...more so, the being "so in love you would do anything for a person" stuff.

I shed more tears while reading these books, than I have in a very long time. We are all damaged in some way. Sometimes when you are in love, you understand that more about the other person than they do. I so related to Ana's frustration with her fifty shades.

Anastasia, to me, is a heroine. I just loved her unconditional love of fifty, and her gentle understanding, and patience with him, despite his posessiveness, and need for, well....um....control.  I loved to watch this relationship change, as they both gave way to compromise, to be together.(true fiction!)

A woman after my own heart, indeed!

These books allowed me to mourn for what I miss so much...my love..I needed that, after all this time without him.. Who knew that a practically pornographic love story would bring up all my junk that I've tried to stifle??? And for most people who "get" this trilogy, it is just that...a love story.

I did, however, leave the house for  2 hours, for a much needed smoothie (my gaping tooth wound is still sensetive, so I can't really eat much) and I went to visit the local pet adoption expo.

I got caught up at the greyhound rescue, petting these sweet creatures..when...

 Mr. Magoo helped himself to their inviting pool.

And then he decided he was staying. 

I'm off to sleep after a mid-afternoon martini. I have been without sleep for so long, that I stopped being tired! I am hoping the vodka may take over, and guide me to sleep..

This song is a beautiful remake. It was on the playlist for 50 Shades series, compiled by the author. And it just tugs at my heartstrings...over, and over...

**You can find the complete youtube playlists for all three books at the Author's website under Music.