"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Monday, November 01, 2010

You Know You Want Me..

I went to the annual Halloween party, the one we usually grace with our presence. Its a bonfire/garage party with a DJ and smoke and lights, and lots of dancing. And, probably lots of drinking too. Last year exasshole manfriend went with me. I thought I'd be sad about it, but instead I dressed up as a pink haired witch and drank vodka.

Nothing helps a broken heart like pink hair and vodka. Oh, and friends. And a real drunk friend to occupy your time.

All at once it seems one of my girlfriends spiraled out of control. I went to the bathroom, and when I got back my friends told me my she was humping a guy by the fire. I'd have never let that happen, so then it was my job to babysit.

Next, she was inside singing pants on the ground...with her pants on the ground. In her panties. So I had to make her pull them up, as funny as she thought it was. First I took a picture to show her the next day. Like you wouldn't?

Then, I had to casually dance saved her from her vodka goggles as she was grinding on the dance floor with someone ginormous, and it wasn't the costume, who probably thought he was getting super lucky that night.

All at once, she was outside puking. Game over. Like a good friend I sat in the back of the car and let her put her head on my lap. And had a plastic bag and told her a billion times the classic Garth line "if you're gonna spew...spew into this". Then it felt warm on my lap. She puked all over my witchy costume. Actually..it was Mommas witchy costume. Sorry Momma.

We were dropped at my moms house since it was close to the party where I had to take off her pants so she could pee, and she peed all over me in the meantime. Like, really. And I pulled back her barfy hair, gave her a puke bucket, and got her to bed.

This is reasons 455,459,987 and 455,459,988 I don't want kids. One, they make you drink to stupidity (cus she has two kids) and they ruin your nice chocolate and whipped cream vodka buzz. I was feelin pretty good til I had to sober up and take care of my drunk friend.

Do you ever see boys help each other? Usually they laugh and let each other pass out in the yard, and draw permanent marker penises on their heads. I'm glad I'm a girl, and I have good friends!


Allison M. said...

we've all been there. although, I can probably count on one hand how many times someone needed to take care of me and it was on my 21st birthday and maybe one other time.

mylittlebecky said...

you are like the BEST friend EVER! she needs to buy you dinner or something! :)

Misty said...

Wow. I feel much better about my life now. Thanks.

Rachel said...

I have only been that drunk girl once. OK, maybe twice. But I see those people and I am reminded why I don't drink a lot.