"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I'm the big 3 5...

I'm 35 Today. So heres 35 mostly pointless things to say.

1. 35 isn't old. I remember thinking 35 was mature. But, well lets face it, I'm still a kid in a lot of ways. A kid that pays her bills, and lives on her own.

2. I'm logically half way thru my lifetime. But we wont go there.

3. We got a ginormous storm in NE Ohio. I don't remember a time when it more than dusted with snow before my birthday. This is a bunch of horse shit. According to Mark Johnson, the devil himself was outside waiting to pitch fork you if you left the house. We got like 3 inches. I hate weather people. And this guy.

4. I didn't get drunk for my birthday. I'm growing up!

5. I ate three peanut butter with reese cup cookies today a girl at work made. Stay tuned, it's still early.

6. I'm not working out for my birthday so I'll probably gain 5lbs from the eating in #5. That's how my body works for me. Not very well.

7. I'm pertty sure I have arthritis in my foot from my old running injury. Getting old sucks.

8. My desk at work is decorated with all hello kitty stuff cus shes awesome. Yes, I realize I'm 35. So is Hello Kitty so shut up.

9. A crackhead decided to stand at the end of my driveway today for no other reason than he is a crackhead, and shuffeled into the street when I just kept backing up at him. I heart the city.

10. I am thinking of cutting most of my hair off. I'm afraid though, so don't quote me.

11. I had a mouse in my broiler of my oven, and I just caught him Saturday. Poor little disease ridden guy.

12. I turned my heat up to 55, which is huge, because I'm a cheap ass who never has a gas bill over $100, or really even close.

13. My favorite Christmas music is the Muppets Christmas w/John Denver. I really wish they'd put the muppets back on TV. Not a remake. The real original muppets. Please, and thank you.

14. I'm in love with a stripper.

15. Just kidding, but I was singing that song, cus we rented the wrestler this weekend, and I was suprised that Marissa Tome took it all off for that movie

16. I don't feel good from eating too many cookies. And a bagel. And chip dip.

17. Someone should come to work and clean my desk for me. It's really bad, and I'm setting a bad example to the department.

18. It's almost christmas, and I bought three gifts. I suck.

19. When I say I'm the big 3-5 i feel like it should be followed with "Elizabeth, I'm comin to join ya honey" ala Fred Sanford. Even though, its not old.

20. I thought when I was in high school, that I'd be practically retired at 35.

21. When you are in high school you are a total freaking dumb ass, aren't you?

22. I really miss Lost. They don't make shows like that anymore. I miss how excited I use to get when it was on, and how I'd slow mo the tivo to see hidden clues. I feel like all TV hope is lost. Especially now that the Walking Dead is over.

23. I learned at my ripe young age, I'm a clencher.

24. Don't be gross, that means I clench my teeth too much, and the dentist had to file down my teeth and recommended a mouth guard. I have sore teeth, and no cracks, cavities, or decay. What the fuck?

25. Doesn't wearing a mouth guard sound pretty hot? I bet next, it'll be circulation socks, and granny panties or something.

26. Just like everyone looks at their poop in the toilet, I know everyone picks their nose.

27. P.S. do you ever get mad at a self flushing toilet, when you don't turn around fast enough to look at your poo and it's flushed down???!!!!

28. I get mad when I don't get to see the fruit of my labor. Dr. Oz says you have to evaluate your poo.

29. Why do boys' legs fall asleep on the toilet? It's like the 8th wonder of the world.

30. I sent my mom a picture of my poo recently, because she sent me a picture of gum in her mouth.

31. You may not know but I have a gum phobia, so she deserved a poop shot.

32. Just like boy babies, boy dogs have crappy clothes, so I think I'm going to just dress him up as a girl cus they have the cutest sweaters and stuff!

33. I feel sorry for people who have boys. Isn't that weird? Cus i totally like boys, so someone has to suffer through the trouble of having and raising them. Just dont ever let it be me. If the universe wants to screw me over and give me a kid despite my carefulness, it had better not be a boy.

34. I had to get an echeck for my car and you know how i have that stupid breathalizer on it? Too bad I didnt have to get a real echeck, cus they cant mess with my electronics boyeeeeeee!

35. Thats the only good thing thus far about having a DUI. and in the grand scheme of things, its totally not worth it.


Suzanne said...

Happy Birthday! I hope you have a great day...even though it's some crap ass weather for you.

Sandra said...

Oh my goodness, I feel like you and i were meant to be. Your blog is all about you, and mine is all about mine and my narcissism...AND I turned the big 4-2 today! So happy birthday to us!

Ms. Megan said...

Happy Birthday!!!! I turned the big 3-0 today!!

Debbie said...

Happy Birthday! It's not my bd (like most of your commenters), but I am opposite you. You are 35, I am (shhhhh) 53. Doesn't that make 35 sound much better. Like a baby!

Carmen said...

Happy Birthday (yesterday)!!

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

Happy Belated Birthday!!!!!

Teena in Toronto said...

Happy (belated) birthday!

Good job on the list!

Rachel said...

Happy (belated) birthday! :)