Bloody Wednesday...

I had the creepiest dream last night. I was up until 4 a.m. and again at 5, unable to sleep. I dreamt about my grandma's house being haunted. A bunch of people were staying there, one being the ex TWDSO, and his new girlfriend. I was seeing the boy I recently was with, and CP was there, my mom, my sister, and some strangers. Everyone had their heads chopped off like in the show Hero's. It was pretty disturbing. Me and the boy were last to be murdered, Friday the 13th style, while having sex. I couldn't get back to sleep after that. I was the only survivor. What the hell do you suppose that means?

You know CP never read my blog the entire time we were together, but he decides to read it now that there may be someone else to read about. Men. I dunno what I even want right now so I don't know how to react to how he has been acting. It's nice to have someone around that cares about you. I do require a lot of attention. But mostly, I think I'm destined to find a great job, and THEN worry about men.

I actually worked out yesterday. It felt good, I get Fit TV now that I have no cable channels, and I Tivo a lot of workouts. I learned some hip-hop dancing last night. I'm bout to tear it up on the dance floor some day.

Monday I put the tree up. CP came and helped me. The damn thing fell over face first and busted some bulbs. We put some weights on it to hold it up, and last night I'm watching TV yelling at Fizzgig, who I think is in the tree then she sits next to me. It's the tree falling centimeter by centimeter. I pushed the fuckign thing into the corner against the wall so it won't fall. A brand new string of lights is out also. My Christmas tree is cursed. Maybe it needs an exorcism. Also, there was a box of decorations chewed up by some type of rodent. He really liked Santa's beard.

I applied for a couple more jobs today. Story of my life. I still never heard back about that interview I went on. I figure it's not meant to be. I also applied to our electric company, that is one job I would really like to have.

Friday, I'm going to see Brett Michaels with Bethie. Be jealous!!! And Bubba told me some more about the guy she wanted to set me up with. It's a no-go kids. He is not only unemployed right now but he also has no car, and no place to live. Uhhhhhhh......thanks, but no thanks! I dated my share of dead beats. I'm so over it!

Back To Reality...

My Momma and sissy left this morning. I'm once again all alone and on the hunt for a J-O-B. I'm sad. Panicked. It's pretty much inevitable, that I will have to be on unemployment come January. Nobody is hiring at this time of year. I can't afford to take any old job, because I'll make damn good money on unemployment seeing how I worked two jobs forever, I get a pretty decent wage. More than most places are willing to pay me to do actual you know, work. It just sucks not having any real security. Ho Hum.

I had a really good time with the family. I ate like a pig and did no exercise so I feel like a lard now. Bleh. CP called me starting the day the family arrived, and has called every day since. Apparently after four days he decided he missed me. And fucked up letting me go. It took four days.

I told him there was "someone" else in the picture, even though there is no commitment with the someone else, what he doesn't know won't hurt him. I still think about the new guy constantly. That's the trouble with men. They invade your fucking mind. Well, at least with me they do. I have too many other things to worry about with my life right now, I don't need to think about a man. But my my, what a nice distraction!

With CP....it's nice to have company, and attention. But that's all it is. He did bring me flowers the other night. Not that it erases anything he's done. It's still nice. It's even nicer, to feel like someone actually wants you. Which I don't have with CP, and got from the other guy. Do I sound like a hussie or what? I don't fucking care. I'm young. Apparently, I have no idea what the hell I want. Once I tell CP that, I'm sure he'll quit coming around. With him, it's all or nothing. Screw letting me figure my life out.

Heather spent Friday night trying to hook me up with some boy they know. She thinks we would hit it off. She pretty much told him everything about me, so there is nothing left to tell. We may go out this weekend, but that sorta thing makes me nervous. I did win tickets to the comedy club for Saturday. I guess we'll see how it all pans out. One thing is for sure, I don't want to be the girl that goes out and 10 guys in the room have all slept with me, mkay?

We had a lot of fun out to dinner on Saturday night. Kat and Heather went with me and the family. We had sangaria but we weren't drunk. You would have thought we were, we laughed so hard we cried.

Gone But Not Forgotten...

Last night I had the strangest dream (remember that song?) I couldn't afford to get my hair done so I went to some ghetto place with people who wore scrubs to do hair. I just wanted a trim to get me by, and the bitch put brown hair dye on half my head and I walked out with half dyed, half hilighted hair. Not having money completely blows.

I've been gone forever it seems. What have I been doing? Oh, I'm getting by. I happen to be in a superior mood due to the fantastic weekend. I havn't heard from CP in 3 days. He doesn't even deserve the name CP anymore. We can imagine it now stands for Cock something. Cus, let's face it anyone who lets me go without so much as a word, is a cock something.

I went out to meet a girlfriend at the bar Saturday night, and then another one invited me to a certain persons house for a party. The same one from last weekend.

I had a great time cus I had a few friends at the part as well.

I've pretty much decided it's over with me and the man, all that needs to be done is to say it. It's really hard to let go, but the longer we're apart the more I realize he wasn't right for me at all. He was good for the time being. But honestly in light of recent events (this includes my getting shit-canned) I realized I was the only one putting anything into the damned relationship. Fuck him.

Momma and Sis will be here tomorrow night! I am so excited about it I can't see straight. The bad part is I am always a mess when I leave, or they leave me after a visit. Being alone this time, is going to really hurt. Being alone, and jobless. Even worse.

The upside to losing your job? I'm now down 10 lbs. Yesterday I actually forgot to eat. Me. Forgot. It's not like I'm whithering away or anything, but even if I did eat I'd only shit it right back out. I'm a mess. I've been through much worse, so I will survive. I'll drag my ass out of bed once in a while to update my blog. Life doesn't feel right without blogging.

I Didn't Get Drunk Yesterday...

Well, like my friend Katie said, when you play the lottery it gives you something called hope for a while. That's what a job interview does too. I have an interview Monday, at a garage door company. I got this through a temp service, but they are looking to hire. Sounds like an office manager position, and my counselor said the person I'll interview with is excited to meet with me. Keep your fingers crossed. It's enough money to survive on, and after my contract with the temp service runs out (about 3 months) I would probably make more. I'll know more Monday. I have hope.

My counselor called me an hour ago to see how the interview went. I think my heart stopped beating for a full minute. I said...."It's Monday". Way to scare the shit out of someone. She said she will see what else she can get me into also. She's the only one doing anything for me, the other agencies suck balls. This one, is the one that got me the job I was let go from. Bastards.

Wednesday I went to Katie's and she helped me write a pretty damn good application letter for the university. We had a lot of laughs. Especially since her son, is following in Auntie Mon's footsteps and taking off his clothes when company comes over. (Mom says I never kept my clothes on I can't imagine that) He thought it was hilarious to wipe his butt on me and run off laughing. I said it seems like a symbol for my life.

Yesterday I took a bath. This is monumental, as I have spent much of my time crying, watching Tyra, and feeling sorry for myself. Living in squallar and filfth. After I got cleaned up I felt a little better and I cleaned. Cleaned! It felt good to be productive, so today I am going to get back into working out. A week off is enough. I've lost 5lbs. Stress. I think God is solving all my problems at once. Work, relationship, weight. Why not. I just love to take on so much.

I waited until about 4 yesterday to change CP's phone number to give the phone to my brother. He never called me, so I figured what does he need a phone for? I have to think of myself here, though to me, it sounds selfish. My brother says he can afford the phone, and it'll be nice to be able to call him other than when he is working. When CP finally did call me, he was a dick about my changing the number and giving it away. I said it's pretty fucking rude of you to expect me to pay for you to have a phone, I'm unemployed. Maybe I'll wise up some day and figure out what is going on with us. Right now, I don't want to.

My dog had her surgery yesterday. $170 on the credit card. Ugh. I worried all day because I couldn't afford the pre-anesthesia testing on her liver, so I thought she would die during the procedure. My poor girl got her back tooth pulled, teethed cleaned and polished, and whined the whole way home from the vet. The nasty hole under her eye that had healed from the antibiotics, is back in double overtime. Oozing puss to cover her entire smushy face. I have to clean it every couple hours. Good thing I'm off of work.

Talked to unemployment. I don't qualify until mid-January. The good thing about this is, I will make enough to get by. So, if worse comes to worse, I won't be destitute. It makes me feel just a little better. Just a little. I still will be doing something mindless, and think "fuck, I'm unemployed".

Embaressment of the week, is that my ex-coworker sent home a bunch of stuff for me with Tayray from my desk. Stuff I thought I got already. She burned all my pics for me to CD. I'm happy for that, but there were some pictures I wouldn't want the boss to see. Like, drunken pictures. This is a lesson to me, to not be so comfortable, at the next job. And my proudest accomplishment for the week is...I didn't get drunk yesterday. It seemed to be a daily occurence there for a few days.

Day Three, Unemployed...

I'm hoping my employment status changes, so I can muster up an original title name. I have had a shitty day so far. Crying, and depressed. Blah. I still havn't gotten any money from CP for his phone which is on my cell phone account, so I kept it. I also feel guilty for this. Why? Because I'm a stupid ass. I can't afford to pay his bill, I can't cancel it without a fee, so I am at a loss. I called my brother to see if he would be interested in paying the half of the bill and he said he would. Hopefully, my own brother doesn't screw me over like the man who supposedly loves me.

CP was kind of pissed off about me keeping his phone, but you know what? I don't care I can't care. He told me last night after counseling that he had been on drugs again three times since he went to rehab. So, he's been lying to me. I know this. I also know, that I can't handle this bullshit with him, on top of everything else. So I am biding my time. I know better than to think that an addict will change for me. I've been down that road ohhhh, a few times.

I stayed at Kat's last night and drank wine. She made us some orzo, which I'd never had before, and I applied for a few jobs. The saddest thing I did, was lower my cable bill. This means, I have some stupid family package with 40 channels. All family crap. No TBS. No MTV. No nothing! It's $10 a month cheaper, and I have to cut costs where I can.

Think of me. Unemployed. With no heat (I can't afford to turn it on), sitting in the dark, and no TV to watch, and send me some positive vibrations.

Day Two, Unemployed...

I'm at Kat's house, while she is working. I'm sitting with her cat Conley, who keeps head butting me while I type. Cats always know how to make you smile. I've gotten so much help from everyone trying to find me a job, put in good words for me, and cheer me up. I'm a really lucky girl. Today I met with my former human resources gal's friend at a staffing agency. She said that she heard great things about me, and with my background, she won't have any trouble finding me a job at my absolute minimum salary requirement. Which, is $2.14 less an hour than I was making but it will pay the bills. She told me to enjoy my time off and she would work hard on finding something for me. My only hope is that if I find a job on a temp-to-perm basis, when I would be hired I would make even more. That's how I found my last wonderful job. Ex-job. Bastards.

Enjoy your time off. I don't know how to enjoy myself without a job. I forget about it for a few minutes and it creeps back up on me. YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED! How will you pay the rent? Seven weeks seems like a long time I suppose, but I've always valued money over time. I got a call finally for a second job at Target, but ex-work told me today that if I take that job, I will mess up my potential unemployment, should I need it down the road. So I am basically forced to stay unemployed until I find something earning enough money. Then, I can work another part time job.

Katie is helping me tomorrow apply for a job with the local University where she use to work. And making quesidillas. You can't get any better than that. It pays $3 less an hour, but it's a foot in the door. Free school. If I worked hard and long enough I could get a degree.

All this, and Lost isn't on for 16 weeks. Tomorrow is me and CP's 1 yr engagement anniversary. Doesn't seem to be very promising. I can only handle one crisis at a time though.

Since I'm not on a time constraint, I'm going to get to everyone's blogs to catch up. That is another thing I miss.

The Search Goes On...

First of all, thank you to everyone, for their well wishes. It really does help to be feeling like a peice of shit, and hear good things. So far, I only had the mental breakdown for 2 days Constant sickness and crying. Shits. Sleeplessness. Well, I still can't sleep.

Saturday Kat came over in the afternoon, dressed in some hideous 80's clothes, and danced with jazz hands to cheer me up. It worked. Katie told me that it could be worse, I could have a screaming 4 year old on top of it. Tayray listened to me complain and drink beer. Bethie came over later, and brought wine. Kat brought alchohol too, and we all went out for 80's night. Where I'm not ashamed to say I drank my cares away. Every last one of them. I have the best friends, that made me laugh, bought me shots, and told me how great I am. I even spent some time talking to a boy whose house I threw up in years ago.(that's always a way to be remembered) He made me laugh when I really needed it. Where was my man? Oh, I dunno....he blew me off that night. "Medication troubles".

I guess this is opening up my eyes to a lot of things. I did dedicate so much of myself to my job. I think I need to take the next job for what it is. A job. I hear that I'm greatly missed at work today, which is nice to hear. The only thing better to hear is that the place is closing down. They obviously treat their most dedicated employees like dog shit. And, when you need people the most, they should be there for you. Cp especially. If it were not for my friends, I would be in a gutter somewhere long ago.

No luck job hunting. I have a knot in my stomach even saying this, but there were only three jobs in the paper this Sunday. The holidays are a bad time to job hunt. Merry fucking Christmas, right? I'm at the library searching online for work. I am meeting with temporary services. Calling to clean peoples shitty toilets at night, to make up for the inevitable difference I'll receive in any pay. I'll wind up a better person for it. Somehow.

I'd really love to know what I did to deserve the shitty luck in my freaking life. I'm trying not to let it bring me down, and stay positive. I know it's only my first official day off work, but it's hard. I've never been unemployed AND alone. I always had someone in my life to help me out financially. Or a parent that I could live with if I needed it. At the very least, I could have some freaking sex. I am not even getting that. When times are rough, that lets you forget about it for a while. God. Next post you read may be that I'm pimping myself out. For free.

And She's Gone...

Well, yesterday I was confused on what to do with my future. Funny how life fixes that for you. I was let go from my job yesterday at 4:15. After 7 years, it was all over in a matter of fifteen minutes. They decided to eliminate my position. Which was a nice way of saying that they are hiring someone else into the department with a degree, and the ability to be a manager. Nevermind my 6 years of perfect attendance. The struggles on my own to learn how to manage the websites. None of that mattered.

I got a "we're so sorry" an "it has nothing to do with your job performance and we will help you any way we can". Thanks. If I wasn't bawling my eyes out, I would have said, can you help that my fiance is gone, I have no money, and I'm all alone in this state with no one to help me? Not that it would have mattered if I did say that. I had to meet with the human resources director. Who said I would be missed. He could tell it was a shock to me, I don't know what gave it away, probably the fact that I was hyperventilating. He told me there was nowhere in the company to place me. If something came up I would certainly be considered. Let him know if I needed help with a resume. I'm well respected in the company.

All of that is nice to hear, in a review. None of it is good to hear, when you were just fired. It is meaningless. If all of that were true, I wouldn't be gone. I wouldn't be replaced with another person. I wouldn't hear "we just dont have it in the budget to keep you". Like I'm making a million dollars. All of this from people who are married. Have homes. Have secure jobs.

My future is uncertain right now. I get a severance, a whopping 7 weeks. One week for each year I worked there. As if that makes it any better. I understand that it is better than nothing, but seven weeks is right before Christmas. It's not far away at all. I can scrape by on my income. I can't survive making less than I made at that job. I have a lot of support of friends and family, which I am grateful for. But they just keep telling me I will find a job. I know I will. The question is will I find a job that pays me enough to not have to move out of my apartment? Will I ever be able to say that I love my job again? I have to start over. Somewhere new.

This feels like a break up to me more than a loss of a job. While I'm afraid of what I will do money-wise, I'm mostly grieving for the loss of a job. An extended family. A place that I liked to get up and go to every day. A place where I knew so much. Learned so much. Met so many people that got me through a lot of hard times in my life. That, is what hurts the most.

I'm shocked. I havn't stopped crying. I havn't slept. I havn't ate. I can't function. I'm so afraid of what is going to happen. I went through this all 7 years ago. I lost my husband. My job. My house. My car. Filed bankruptcy. I don't know that I can go through all of this again. I don't want to have to work two jobs for the rest of my life.

CP is not really being helpful. He left me last night when I really needed him. I couldn't stop crying. He couldn't fix it, but he could have lent me some moral support. I told him this is going to ruin our "relationship". I don't ask him for much. And, when I really need him, he isn't there for me. When I come up on the other side of all of this, I think that I will definately be over for us. I don't want to spend my life with a person who can't even support me emotionally. Seriously, what the fuck am I thinking?

Wish me luck. I will update my blog as I can. Right now, my life is in turmoil. I know I can do this. I've been through worse, and one way or another....I will make it.

I Want It All..

*The good, the bad, the happy and the sad. Her perfections every little flaw. I want it all.

I'm really bummed out about not finding a second job. In addition to the billion other places I applied, I put in resumes to a church locally, doing appointments for pictures. Wal Mart (which is bad) and you know I'm desperate, cus it was for the portrait studio. Me + Kids = someone might get bit and it wont be me. I'm going to apply at Ambiance this weekend. The store for lovers. This is a job for me. "Do you need batteries with that?" I can survive on one job. I just can't survive the way I am accustomed to. Can't get my hair done on time. Can't afford pet surgeries. Product. Ohhhhh, the product.

I've been agonizing over what direction to take with my life. A few of my friends are having relationship issues too. One such person is a coworker. "The" coworker I like to bitch about. It's really sad because her guy is an asshole. He tells her she is fat. (she is a size 10 btw) What does he look like? He is short, FAT, and bald. He has some freaking nerve. For her, the emotional part is missing from her relationship. He's great financially, supportive when she needs money, or something comes up that needs fixed. Never a free-loader. But he makes her feel like crap.

Me? I guess have my emotional needs met for the most part. It's the financial that I'm lacking. And by financial I mean, he doesn't have a freaking job. Where do you draw the line? What becomes more important? That I'm treated well, special to someone, or financial support? I like to be independant, but here I am wanting someone to help support me. And why can't I have both? My own mother told me that I can't have it all. No one person can be everything to you. Why not? That scares me into thinking that I'll be alone forever if I don't decide to let some of my wants slide. Then I think my Mom is usually right, so what if after all this dream chasing I wind up alone anyways?

The funniest part about my situation is that it is the exact opposite of my last relationship. TWDSO was the independant one. I was the one who needed help with money. I was the one who sometimes couldn't contribute to the food fund. I was the one that overdrew my checking account. Why? Because I knew he was there to pick me up when I needed it. Even though, he was an ass about it, he still was there. I always paid him back, I didn't take advantage of him, but I didn't spend my money wisely.

Now look at where I am. Is this suppose to teach me a lesson? If so, what the fuck did I learn? When you are in a relationship I think you naturally rely on someone for something. But I keep thinking what am I really getting in return? We're not even living together now. I feel like he ran away when the going got tough. Him being gone, is certainly opening my eyes to some things. He thinks it's helping but it's making me hate him. We see each other a couple nights a week, and when we do talk he is playing his online game. Not paying attention to me. He can't pay his 1 bill (cell phone) that is in my name. He can't call me when he says, come over when he says, or spend time with me when he is around. He has bigger issues than I am equipped to handle.

This weekend is another 80's night. It's gonna be a fun one, the theme is spandex and big hair bands. Rockin! I'll be drinking my cares away with my girls. Kat sent me this link from the 80's DJ. How awesome would it be to go to the 80's prom? I guess we're going to try to get a group together. Hope I can afford it.

P.S. Something else I want is to not be sore. I've been doing weights all week. Still going strong with the workouts. Even though they suck ass.

*I want it all by Edwin McCain

Night of the Living Fluff...

Did you all know that Evil Dead is now a musical? No? Neither did I. They were on The View on Halloween. Isn't that pretty cool? Of course, it's a pretty stupid movie, but you have to appreciate the humor in it. And I've been keeping an eye on Horrorfest since they announced it at the Texas Chainsaw movie. Ummm, wtf. Tickets were to go on sale on Halloween. Now, they say 'soon'. Is this going to happen or what? I really want to go to this.

I love horror movies. When I think back, it started in my pre-teens. With movies like "Dolly Dearest", "Dolls" "Chucky" "Puppet Master", "Leprechaun". The general idea is, your toys are your enemy, and people who want to do you harm are either under the bed, or your very best stuffed friend.

When I was little, before 8 years old I was terrified of scarey things. What I can't recall, is the reason that I was terrified of my stuffed friends that young. I can remember having to go to before everyone else. Upstairs. Alone. I had a hutch with all of my stuffed animals on it right beside my bed. I thought they were going to suck my blood like crazed vampire animals. I wouldn't sleep without my neck covered. I'd stare at them, and wait for them to come to life. You know how if you listen to the quiet long enough, you think you hear things? Same with staring at objects. They would move. Ever so slightly. Having an older brother, and sister, I blame them. After all, they were the ones who made 'the boogey man' a reality to me. Assholes.

I would scream. And cry. And eventually, say, my sister would come upstairs to 'rescue me'. I'm thinking that my parents probably made her do it, and she wasn't as excited about it as I thought when I was little. What do you think she did when I was terrified? Tried to comfort me, by giving me a stuffed animal. THE VERY THING THAT TERRIFIED ME. She told me they would protect me, but they didn't. They wanted to eat me!

I have also always been afraid of thunder and lightning. My parents made me believe that that stupid palm we got on Palm Sunday, was going to keep the storms from getting me. Why do parents and siblings lie to you?

I don't remember when I grew out of that phase, but I do remember passing it on to my good friend Stephanie's little sister. We told her that when she slept, her toys came to life. It made her scream and cry. That's called tradition.

Aging In Dog Years....

Back in 1996 I was 20, and my doggie was 1. Now I'm 30, and she's 70. In dog years, shit, I'd be 120. No wonder I have gray hair's!

Life is rough for us old gals. Little Hill had a trip to the vet last night, for a second opinion. Good thing too. She's had a hole/abscess under her left eye off and on for over a year. Her regular vet treated it twice and had me putting compresses on it when it came back, and it would go away for a while. He referred me to an opthomologist, thinking it was her 'bad eye' causing all the problems. It cost $400 to walk in the door, and a 6 month wait to see a specialist. Oh, and a 2 hour drive.

The hole came back, this time, with some pinkish snot from her left nostril. So, naturally, I think it's a tumor. I decided to take her to the bird and exotic specialty hospital, where I take my rabbits. I figured a second opinion is OK for people so why not pets? Having to explain all your 10 year old dogs ailments to a new vet is comical.

Vet: "What seems to be the problem?"

Me: "She has all sorts of problems. She's had ulcers on both eyes, and she's being treated for chronic dry eye"

M: "She also has chronic ear infections, sometimes those turn into yeast infections."

V:"has she always had this going on with her skin?"

M:"Yes, she also has skin allergies, and seborreah. "

When he opened her mouth he said right away that the problem was a tooth right under the spot. When I looked at it, I guess I could tell it is swollen. I'm a Dumbass. I told him that I was told it was her eye and he said he is pretty confident it's that tooth, she's got some gum disease and probably an abscess under there.

My poor dog has been walking around for a year with a stinking toothache. How horrible is that? She started slowing down and not playing and I thought she's just old! Little Hill is on antibiotics until she has her tooth pulled next Thursday. She's also getting the rest of them cleaned. She's gonna be a whole new dog. I feel awful that I didn't know what the problem was for this long. Oh yea, and it's gonna cost me almost $200. Um, did I mention I need a second job?

And now, the reason why I'll starve for a month, my adorable dog in her new Old Navy fleece lined jacket. You know you love it. (like a typical kid she would NOT look at the camera!)

TITMT...I Love Fiction....

Today's Tell it To Me Tuesday Question from Janet is: "What fictional character on television, past or present, do you (or did you) most relate to and why?"

I always related to Miranda from Sex and the City. Most of the time I could do the "mmm hmmm" while watching her on the show. She was cynical, like me. She was to the point where she was OK to be alone, she even preferred it. Then a man came and screwed her all up, like they often do.

While I'm not an intimidating lawyer, being independant does scare some of them off. They like you to be barefoot and stupid. Oh, at first they pretend to like the fact that you are self sufficient but it doesn't last. That's been my experience. It does something to their stupid little ego's.
One time she got laser eye surgery and she needed someone to bring her home and she would rather have sat there than have her boyfriend pick her up and 'rescue' her. That's totally me. I hate asking for help. I like to do it all on my own thanks.

Remember when Miranda made herself a cake? And couldn't stop eating the cake? Every time she went past the kitchen, she ate some cake, like it was calling her name. It got to the point where she had to put it in the trash. Then, she ate the cake out of the trash. So, she squirted dish soap all over it so she couldn't eat it anymore. Yea, I've ate almost an entire cake.

One time I ate an entire pack of 6 Zero bars. In a matter of hours. I got so sick that day. From that day on I vowed never to eat another one. Anything that good should be banned.

She didn't like kids either. Like me. Until she got knocked up. The difference with her and me are, I won't let that happen. Someone smack me if I ever do. Or check your front porches for a bundle of joy.

And, on another note, I could totally be Kate from Lost. Not that I think I exude her hotness, but because I too, would have a terrible time choosing between Jack...or Sawyer.

Fork You, An Urban Legend?...

Did you all have a nice weekend? I did. I went out Friday night with Kat and Tayray to....where else? The Beir Haus. We had an adventure planned later that night, Forking Bubba. What is forking you ask? You'll soon see. Kat called me after leaving the store laughing her ass off, to tell me she had just bought 500 forks.

First we had a couple cold ones.



That's my frozen beer. They got a new cooler, and I'd say it works pretty well. I had to trade it in, I tried to thaw it out, but that wasn't working.

We left the bar around 1:30, I had talked to bubba earlier and she went home early from her bar with the man, so we knew they would be home in bed. You know, "old married couple" and all. On the drive to Bubba's we all laughed constantly, as Kat emptied 500 forks into a shopping bag.





Kat had some fun with the forks.




Then, so did Tayray.





We devised the plan on our drive over, and decided we would pull in the parking lot next door to her house, turn off the lights, and watch the house to make sure no one got up. The coast was clear, and we all took off into the night. Crunching in the leaves, I thought for sure they were going to hear us. If not the crunching of the leaves, then the rustling of 500 forks in the bag.

We each had a spot in the yard, and we worked like a well oiled machine, pushing the forks into the ground one at a time. Kat would whisper "spread em out guys, spread em out". You couldn't look around at what you were doing, for fear you would burst into laughter. Bubba lives on a pretty busy street, so we had to stop and act like we were hanging out in the front yard at 2 am.

It only took about 15 minutes, and it turns out that 500 forks is not that many at all. We took the time to admire our work, and take a few pictures. CP didn't lighten them up any so you don't get the full result, but you get the idea. They will look better tomorrow.












We left and came back to do a drive by all the time laughing ourselves into stomach pains. We kept picturing her opening the door in the morning, and seeing all those forks.

The next day she didn't call until after noon. She thought it was hilarious. We laughed and laughed about it, because she had asked me and kat to do something on Friday but we said we had plans. "It was nice of you to not go out with me so you could fork me" she said.

Apparently, her boyfriend is pretty pissed. He asked her "how old are they?". I said well you're only as old as you feel, so I guess we're 16? He is just jealous, that he isn't as cool as us, and he doesn't have friends that love him enough to fork him. Bubba said he tried to rake them up, but "you guys got them in pretty good". So, she had to pick them all up one at a time. 500 forks.

It was the best time, I don't ever want to get old. I have so much fun with my friends. The downside? Bubba said...."game on". Retaliation, is inevitable.

Do These Pants Make My Vagina Look Fat?

I found another gray hair sitting in my car yesterday. This one was a good 3 inches. It's been there for a while. This was right after, I plucked the black one from under my chin that grows from time to time. I dunno what the hell else could be more depressing about getting old. It only gets better. I have to work a billion hours so I can free up my credit, and get a damn mortgage loan. Buying a house will make me happy. At least I wont feel old in an apartment. Don't ask me why I think this will help. But my solution to everything is to buy something.

In other news, I was watching Dr. 90210 this weekend, cus I'm obsessed with other people in pain and miserable. It makes me feel better about my sagging boobs, and gray hair(s). Misery loves company, so what? Now, it's not enough to want to change your face, stomach, ass, tits, and thighs. Now, we have to worry about having fat vagina's. Yes. You read that right. I said fat vagina's. I'm not talking about those women who get their lips reduced, for medical reasons because they are in the way. Um, yea, that's kinda gross, but at least there's surgery to help, right?

No, this was literally lipo of the pubic area. This chick had a 'mound'. Call me crasy but I thought all us women had one. I've seen enough porn to know that their pretty much all the same. This chick claimed not to be able to wear clothes without it showing through. I dunno what the fuck she was talking about, because seriously, you couldn't see. But watching it made my drunk friend (who shall remain nameless) try to show me her va-jay-jay and ask me if it was fat. I said "I'm not looking at your stuff". I mean, you gotta draw the line somewhere with your girlfriends. So, yea, ever since watching this I'm wondering...."Do I have a fat vagina?" I've decided to add it to the list for my overhaul some day. Vaginal liposuction. Awesome.

And to pay for all this, I've applied for a billion part-time jobs. I might have to revoke my previous view, that people who say they can't find work, are just lazy assholes. I'm a perfectly skilled, normal person looking for part time work. I know how to do lots of smart things. I can use a calculator. I type. I'm friendly to people. (when I'm beign paid) What the hell is wrong with me? I applied this weekend to Target, and Yankee Candle. You know, if you work at Yankee Candle, you get 50% off merchandise? Hole-y suffering shit, that is potential for some serious damage. Old Navy, Sterling, Kohl's, and a local police department. I registered with a temp service. And, I'm going to apply at the movie theater this weekend. I know a guy who's Dad works there. Maybe it'll help knowing someone.

Black Smoke Texas Tea.....

I'm gonna get right to Lost. Go to ****** Below, cus this has got spoilers.

MMM...Ok so right off the bat, I'm gonna say it. Can you believe they killed Mr. Eko? I surely thought that by a survivor will die, they meant one of those two dumbass characters they have had on latley. What a way to go too, death by smoke monster. Who was his brother when he 'confessed?' The smoke monster. It is really freaky that the dead people on this island....are walking and talking isn't it? Sort of like people who meet you to 'cross over' if you ask me. Only...they aren't so friendly. The smoke monster is definatly taking form of people, and things that mean something to the losties. Still, what it is remains to be seen. Some say it is cerebrus, the 3 headed dog guardian of the underworld. Since, 'cerebrus' was seen on the door in the ultra violet writing in the hatch.

Who else has a weird connection on the island, that shouldn't be there? Hurley has Dave, Jack has his dad, and Kate has the black horse. I'm not sure if we would include Sawyer and the boar or not? "You're next". Um. I'm not liking that statement. Except when Locke was taken by the monster last year, he claims it was beautiful, and bright white. He told the losties "let me go, I'll be alright" when it tried to take him. Nothing like Eko's dark, full of death images, smoke monster.

I watched the monster in slow-mo to check for images like last season, and I saw nothing. Looks like the dead were walking this time. I think Eko's first encounter it read his mind. Remember how he stared the monster down last season, and it showed all those images? This time, they were brought to life, and it scared him. Eko's dead. Motherfucker.

The next huge bombshell of the night, was Juliette warning Jack about Benry. Us fans get some sort of acknowledgement for noticing that she looks just like his ex-wife which we knew wasn't a mistake, and now we know...it isn't. But why? Remains to be seen. Juliette seems to be nice, and wants Jack to kill Benry during his spinal surgery. I think Juliette purposly put those X-rays of Benry's spine on the board for Jack to see. Shit, Colleen was already dead, so who cares if she takes an extra few minutes to put them up?

What if Benry is suppose to be like Jesus? They think he is evil, and beat him, and do all these horrible things, and he still is kinda ok with it. He hasn't gone crazy yet. Maybe if he dies on the table, he comes into his true form of a spirit or something? I dunno, but that guy just irks me. He isn't going anywhere, and something's off with him.

But one thing we know on this island, nothing is as it seems. Could Juliette be the bad one? And, how on earth do they know what Jack's wife looks like anyways? Remember when Benry said they wanted to make Jack trust them? I think maybe this is just a test, like he said. They want him to trust Juliette, by the messages she had on that tape. And, it seems like he does. Poor Jack, you better not be next.

And still, who are the others? It seems like the Losties were suppose to die, and survived. Sort of like in that movie Final Destination. "You can't cheat death" it comes for you. And maybe it's coming for all of them like Eko said. Are the others angels? Demons? If they were, they surely wouldn't need spinal surgery. Right?

****************

In other news. CP starts counseling today. Hope they can knock some damn sense into him. He also found out that he'll make more than me at his new job after 90 days. I make pretty good money, after 7 years with a company. If he leaves a job that starts him out at that, there is no hope for him at all. I told him, if he wants to quit, to get me his freaking job first.

I'm having zero luck on the job front. I applied at Old Navy, Target, Kohls, Yankee Candle, and two office jobs. No word. Bastards. I gave tara the link to apply to Old Navy and guess who has an interview? Well, it isn't me! I can't believe this crap, all I want is a second job dammit! I need some money. Everyones gonna have a sucky Christmas this year.

*sigh* The cute guy that taught aerobics quit. So did the other girl that taught the same class. No more eye candy at the gym. No more singing 'hungry like a wolf'.

Pay No Attention To That Cat In The Closet...

I've been so stressed out this week. First, my credit card company offers your credit score when you manage your account online. It shows you the past year your monthly score, and derogatory hits. I have been so happy to raise my score 100 points in a year by meticulously paying things on time, and paying over my limits. I set up most of my accounts to automatically pay from my bank account too, which helps.

Well, my score dropped 4 points. How? Fucked if I know, thats the problem with tracking your credit score. I think it's easier to just find out once a year. Then you don't know this shit happens. I'm pretty pissed off about it.

On top of that, Tayray called me Monday afternoon, to ask if I got my mail. I usually don't because it's a long haul to the mail box. The landlord was coming Tuesday with an appraiser to look at our apartments. If you ask me, this can only be bad. First, I'm only suppose to have 2 cats and a dog. second, I have two more cats and two rabbits. Plus, a 4ft tall by 5 foot wide by 3 feet deep rabbit condominium that I can't disassemble in less than an hour. Fuck.

And the plan was always to take some pets over to Tayray's if the landlord came. Well, I couldn't do that, cus we were all having an appraisal. I stressed about it for two days straight. I asked CP if he would come out and take 2 cats in the carrier in his car to help me out. That was asking too much, because he was TIRED and taking a half hour out of his time was just too much. Asshole. So, I spent Monday night, picking up every trace of rabbits.

When the time came, I was frantic, and shaking. I took my bunnies out of their condo in their carrier, stuck them in my car in the garage, and covered their condo with a comforter. Shrouded in cloth, it looked sorta like an entertainment center. Then I had to evaluate the cats' personalities. My "precious" is the most docile (and adorable..shhhh) so when the landlady came a knockin, I shoved her in my closet. I put Pickachu under the bed because he is a scaredy cat, and I knew he wouldn't come out. That left Fozzie, and Tai free to roam about. Plus, I think they are the ones I disclosed on my lease. Oh...and the dog.

Turned out to be pretty painless. The landlord asked how I liked it in my apartment, and if I had any problems. Said what a beautiful cat Fozzie was, and how cute the dog was in her Old Navy jacket. The appraiser was pretty quick, but he took pictures. I'm guessing our rent is going to be increasing, or she is selling the property. Either one can be a bad thing. It's near impossible to find an affordable place to live with a dog. Not that my place is very affordable, but it's home.

All in all we survived the invasion, and went back to living our normal lives. I sure can't wait to own my own place and not have to do that bullshit again.