"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Monday, May 10, 2010

Crazy Like a Fox...

Imagine you log onto your FB account and see that you are no longer in a relationship. It's gone. And so is your manfriend!

Then imagine you jokingly text your manfriend "did you break up with me on FB?" Then imagine it wasn't a joke at all, and he really did dump you on facebook! Who does that? Who doesn't give someone the decency to break up face to face. On the phone. Something, before ending your relationship on FB?

The best part, that I think should be viewed by the entire blog world, is the letter he left me, which was suppose to explain why this all happened, out of nowhere. Two days after moving stuff into my apartment, in a relationship where nothing out of the ordinary ever happened...

..I realize that I have become more and more hesitant about moving in with you over the last week or so. When I first asked you if you would like me to move in; I have had some positive reasons to do so & some negative reasons not to do so. I have spent plenty of time trying to prepare for how this move will effect me and I have come to realize that I do not want to move to (your city) to live with you because its too far from my family & friends. While it may not make much difference at this point; my reason for not wanting to move in has nothing to do with you but everything to do with the fact that I will miss my family and friends more and more while seeing them less and less.

My other reason concerns mojo (the cat) and her well being. I know that you have always had a good home for your pets as you do now, you are great with animals and i have learned a great deal from you. I still feel awful for putting mojo through the "blending" process for however long it takes for her and the other cats to mix. I fear that mojo will not be the same cat after that and it means so much to me that she does remain herself and happy. I am not attempting to say that she will become traumatized or injured, but I do know that my relationship with her will change based on circumstances and there's no guarantee for a successful outcome. I have come to realize that I do not want to move in because I will have to put her through that.

While it may make no difference, I am sorry that I have changed my mind mid moving in, because I realize that you have turned parts of your house upside down so you can make room for me and my stuff as I slowly brought it down. I am sorry that I wont be living with you because you've wanted it for a while. So one day I asked you, you said yes, and I agreed, and then; I changed my mind. I would be really damn upset if I were you too. I hate having to let you down but I realize that I'm not going to be as happy living with you as I'd like to be because I have to sacrifice a lot on my part as well, so I can move in.

I have enjoyed our time over the last 5 months (since we got back together) because you have been able to make a better effort and so have I. I have been very happy with you and only you. We have helped each other through a lot of tough times, shared many great memories and experiences. I am truly grateful that we both have chosen to share the last 2 1/2 years of our lives together. I really appreciate your moving to (your city) because you wanted to find a better place for yourself and be closer to me. I wish that I could overcome my inhibitions and move to (your city) to be with you, I realize that I cannot. So what do we do? How long are we going to drive back and forth hoping we can find a common place to live? You made a bold move to move to (your city) and I dont expect that youd be looking to move even further north. After all of this is there any point? (he never asked me to move anywhere else, it never came up)

I have a lot of things that I need to finish; such as school. (he isnt even in school) I need to clean up my apartment so I can finally have a chance to enjoy living there instead of just storing a bunch of crap and using a few of my things. I need to get part time work so I can have more help getting my finances straightened out. I need to find one or two things to do so I feel happier and more balanced in my life. I have not taken the time to do so and thats my fault; not yours. If you have already realized that you've had it with me, because of my decision to stay in (his city) then so be it. If you havn't come to that conclusion then I need to be on my own and want both of us to move on. Either way, this letter and these thoughts are between us, and if you tell people that you dumped me, then thats fine with me. (use me as the scape goat)

The sony dvd player is yours along with the planters to do w/as you please. I have picked up my tools, clothes, and a few of my packed boxes that I brought down the other day. The key that you made for me is on the table and I would appreciate if you would destroy/dispose of the key to my apartment that I made for you. I do not plan on using FB as much as I have been, I want to tell you upfront that I have no intention of sending you rude comments, messages, or reposting pictures that you no longer wish to have up and Im asking you give me the same consideration.

If you want a reason why I want to go my own way, heres mine...we're never going to find a place to share that will accomodate both of our needs. (even though he never asked) We've been at it for a few years already. (it never came up until he wanted to move in w/me but ok) I havn't stopped loving you, I don't have an eye on someone else, and I have been 100% faithful since we got back together. I just need to focus on myself and my goals for a while instead of driving back and forth to (your city) as you do so we can maintain what we have been. I know its been hard on both of us. (never complained)I had a few great years with you and have not come to this decision easily, I wish you the best,

Signed, Dickhead

Ummm...really? You start moving in with a girl and THEN you decide it's not for you?


Carolyn G said...

WTH? ALl of a sudden he decides not only does he not want to move in but break up? Holy poop. I don't know him so I can't comment on him but that's really f'd up from my point of view.

Hang in there! ((hugs))

Suzanne said...

Holy asshole!
That sucks but better before he moved in than later. Wow! What a jerk!

Fizzgig said...

yea, 99% of the time youd think hes a normal guy. It was my best most loving relatinship, but apparently he was good at lying.

yea, im better off for sure! What a shock!

Suzanne said...

Boys can super suck sometimes.

Erin said...

I have so many things to say it's not even funny... like seriously, he'd put the relationship with his CAT in front of his relationship with you???????? I love my cat too but I wouldn't worry about traumatizing her if I found someone wonderful to love. And he's miss his family and friends too much? Seriously, what is he 12 and going away to camp for a few weeks??? Finish school when he isn't even in school??? Like I said, I could go on but one thing that rings clear in his letter - he is an immature asshole that doesn't deserve someone as wonderful, loving, and beautiful as you.

Mon, I've "known" you for at least 4 years now and I've seen you go through a lot of stuff, and I know, as do all of your other readers that you are a strong, self sufficient girl who CAN get through this easily and who KNOWS that you are way better off without him. Take your time to grieve and then move on and get this fuckhead out of your mind... he doesn't deserve the time you spend thinking about him.

Fizzgig said...

i know, even i wouldnt do that about the cat. she'd have been fine, one of his many excuses. he even told me if i lived closer (that again?) that it would be easier, I said no it wouldnt, because what about poor mojo?

And his #1 complaint is his friends dont hang out, so throw it all away for them who you don't see. whateve.

hed miss them, when they live 38 miles from my house, a half hour drive once in a while, vs a half hour drive 5 times a week for us to be togther. Its all excuses, and hes insane.

Thank you so much erin. one thing i do know, is that ive been thru worse, and i finally love the person that I am, and thats the difference with this time. I am not going to be ruined. Hurt, dumbounded, and confused...but not ruined!

I dont have to face people who ask how the move is going and say...ummm i broke up with her instead. I get to say, uh, yea he broke up with me instead. And those that know us, know there was nothing wrong with us. He's just scared, and crazy

mylittlebecky said...

i don't even know what to say. my heart is breaking for you. what an awful way to end things. what a coward. i'm sorry you have to go through this. *hugs*

Suzi said...

You learned a LOT from this relationship, Mon. He has many wonderful traits, but maturity, sanity, and stability are not among them, and those are all pretty important to the success maintaining a healthy relationship for any length of time. He helped you learn how you like to be treated in a relationship, and that's something he can't take with him, and you will have forever. You're going to come out of this better than ever, like you always do, while he continues to flounder as if he's 19 years old and doesn't own a car. AND you won't have to constantly wonder if this is the day he's going to lose his mind and break up with you again!

babylamb said...

I'm so sorry. What a coward!! I don't even know him but I want to bitch slap him. I mean seriously to write a letter to tell you all this. He couldn't even tell you face to face. You deserve so much more. He has some serious issues and its not the cat or his family and friends its something more.

heather said...

2 1/2 years and you get a FB break-up followed up with an email and a key on the table? seriously?

you deserve much better!

MzAriez said...


I am so sorry. That's is horrible. You don't deserve to be treated this way. I am glad you are in such a better place and feeling self-love.

If you need anything....someone to listen, a drink or whatever, just let me know.

Just went through my own lost 2 weeks ago. Finally at peace. Men and love make me crazy, but that emotional high is amazing. It has to be the only reason why I get back in the game.

Much love to ya!

sazza said...

I am so sorry to read this post I really am. I think Heather hit the nail on the head. You really do deserve so much more. x

Fizzgig said...

ty...it hurts. but helps to know hes crazy.

you are exactly right. My thinking exactly, i try to find the lesson in everything that happens, and since this was my happiest relationship, I know what to look for, and not to settle...just minus the crazy. I have to believe the universe has more for me, so it will come. I'm too good a person to keep going through BS. I live my life as I wish to be treated.

you are right, the issue isnt his family or friends or cat, its him. i told him that and teh sooner he realizes that the better the womeon of the world will be.

seriously! we're 34 and you dump me by deleting me and your friends from FB before even telling me its over. Im sorry, before i got home to read my letter....telling me its over. PUS-eeee

thanks! we should def get together, weve known each other cyber-ly for so long. and unlike the manfriend, i dont believe cleveland is too far to have friends.

texang said...

Heather said: "2 1/2 years and you get a FB break-up followed up with an email and a key on the table? seriously?

you deserve much better!"

DITTO. What a insecure, childish, uncaring way to handle the end of your relationship.


Anonymous said...


rws said...

not to make it sound like his bizarre 180 degree turn should feel okay, but it is so much better that it happened now and that he's out of your life before he became a basic part of the most basic parts of your day-to-day existence. and good for you for putting it out there like this -- keep taking care of yourself.

Teena in Toronto said...

No freakin' way!?

Kick this guy to the curb once and for all.

Sister Copinherhair said...

He's worried about his cat going through the "blending process"?

It's a bullshit pussy excuse.

Read that however you like. Dickhead indeed.

Patti Cake said...

DUDE. Dude has some personality defects. Even the way he handled the break-up shows exactly what he's made of: chickenshit.

Patti Cake said...

DUDE. Dude has some personality defects. Even the way he handled the break-up shows exactly what he's made of: chickenshit.