"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Friday, March 06, 2009

A Little Rain..

This weeks weight loss was 2lbs. Which brings me to a nice round 65lb weight loss! Yessss.

I'm going to see Red Wanting Blue tomorrow at the House of Blues. It's gonna be pretty sweet. I got bogo tickets for procrastinating. I'm spose to go with the manfriend but maybe a friend would want to go. It's hard to think happy thoughts about him, because he really hurt my feelings last night.

I just kinda have been evaluating things in my mind. Like how we don't get to see each other much and for the first time I don't feel like a priority. I feel like if this isn't moving towards more committment, I shouldn't be giving my all to it. And ultimately this is going to be the end of the relationship. When the one person who had optimism for the both of us loses it...bad things are bound to happen.

You know even fun things like, winning the lottery have been soured. I'd say lets get an island and run away together, and he's all for it. But, if you aren't ready to live with me, why would I take you on my island just because I am rich?

I'm completely confused about our whole relationship. He acts like he wants more with me. But then he tells me different. One of the things that attracted to me about him was he said "I know who I am and I know what I want". The more I know him the more I realize, either that's bullshit, or I'm not what he wants, and I deserve to know. Not be strung along so he can dump me for some skank one day.

I'm sure this gloom and doom will pass. I think I'm getting to the point where I want more, and someone, somewhere wants to give me what I want. All I can do is feel what I feel and let it pass. Life has a way of bringing you back to reality once in a while, and I guess I was due.

On a positive note, I'm going roller skating tonight with some girlfriends. Oh yea, we're bringing it back alright!


merider (M.E.-rider) said...

Congrats on your weight loss, Fizz! As for Manfriend, I hope it works out but you nailed it...once the one person truly enthusiastic about the relationship loses the excitement, it's not a good thing. But you do seem really happy more often than not and that says something!
Have fun roller skating. I haven't done that in years.

Mike said...

I don't know what he did to hurt his feelings, so I can't say that maybe he was just having an off-day. I hope it works out.

Don't fall on your butt rollerskating tonight.

Mike said...

Oops, I meant YOUR feelings.

Erin said...

I don't know dude... no matter how happy you are with him most of the time, it is hard not to go somewhere - I'm not talking getting married, but moving in together at least. If he doesn't want that by now, and he is saying he doesn't know when, then he may not ever want to make that commitment which will always leave you wondering about the lack of commitment which will leave you open to paranoia if you ask me.

On the other hand, if you aren't planning on having children, and you don't necessarily want to get married again, then maybe you just have to be happy with what you have now.

But you're right, and the comments are right, if you lose the enthusiasm for the relationship there is no where to go from there - you should not have to carry the entire relationship, no matter how great it is.

WTG on the 65 pounds!!

Try to cheer up - it'll be okay, either way! You're a strong girl who can manage it no matter what he says :-)

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...


Heather said...

Do you think it's time to have one of those talks with him?

Have fun skating. You're much more brave than I am.