"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Thursday, December 03, 2009

The Ugly Truth...

So the real truth behind why notamanfriend dumped me....he's a stupid fucking pussy that can't decide what he wants, and is dead to me.

Did I get your attention?

We've been seeing each other you know. Sleeping together. Going places together. Ya know, back together? But lets first point out some things I've noticed over the last couple weeks.

Three days after we broke up, we went to dinner and had our talk. We're gonna work it out. I'm gonna move, and be closer to you, and we will see each other more, and I can try everything I can to make this work because I love you.

All along hes told me that he loves me, sees a future with me, we can be great together, if only the distance were shorter.....what a crock of shit.

We went back to his house that night, and I noticed a lasagna pan in the sink and I asked if he made dinner. He said he made lasagna. "For yourself?" Who does that? Nobody!

That night we had make up sex.

Two days later he invites me to his friends bday party. Three days later, an OSU party, and we spent the whole night w/his family. Meanwhile you know, things are pretty normal.

The next time I was over, I noticed he had lettuce in his refrigerator. He doesn't eat lettuce. Nor has he ever bought lettuce for me come to think of it. "Joe was over and we made sandwhiches"

Oh....ok. Saaaandwhiches.

He also got rid of my body wash and slippers. I thought well we did break up. But then, why so fast? Three days later? I still had all his crap. And he was the one saying we could work things out.

Thursday I spent thanksgiving with his family.

Friday he told me he didn't know if things w/us were going to work out. He thought we would take some time apart and have a "fresh start". A fresh start from what? As far as I'm concerned (and anyone who knows us I'm not delusional) we were the happiest couple around. We ended up having a long talk that night. And I stayed over. In bed with him you know, because we're back together. Got up early Saturday to move me.

Saturday, he stayed with me after we moved. The whole night he helped me, hooked up my TV and whatnot. Told me he loved doing those things for me. Kept saying maybe Chantix was making him depressed. Can't put his finger on why he couldn't shake this bad feeling he had. We went out for drinks.

Sunday we went to breakfast and he kind of darted off right after. He sent me a message on facebook since his phone was shut off, saying how he enjoyed helping me, sent me hugs and kisses.

I was sick Monday. He had a drug test for his new job, and I didn't hear from him until 10 when I happened to text him to see if his phone was back on. I think its a sign when someone doesn't fill you in on their life, that they don't want you to be a part of it.

Tuesday he didn't want to see me. He had to work til 10. We use to see each other at 10, 11, 12. It didn't matter. So, i told him that hurt my feelings.

Wednesday, he wanted to talk.

He tried to dump me again for all the same bullshit reasons. Only, this time distance didn't cut it. Because remember, I moved closer to him. I asked him why a friend would tell me im better off without him. One of his friends? If one of my friends said that about me I'd feel like crap. I asked him about the lasagna, and the lettuce, because as I explained, I'm a girl and we pick up on these things. I wanted to know the truth about all of that, and he owed me.

So, he came clean with it.

"I never did anything behind your back, but one of the reasons we broke up was because I have an interest in someone else"

An interest. Which all makes sense, because he kept saying he wanted a break. See how things go, and maybe get back togther. A break from what? What's wrong with us? Why do we need a fresh start?

Oh, but now you see he really wanted to see what happened with this other girl. Who, I suspect is someone we both know. Otherwise, a new girl would wonder why he isn't spending weekends with her. And if things didn't work out he wanted an open door to come back. And, when I asked who it was he wouldn't tell me. I said I would find out and he said go ahead but I'm not gong to tell you. Dead giveaway that I know the bitch.

Meanwhile, it was perfectly ok to let me get sick each day wondering what went wrong with us, rather than tell me he's just a peice of shit who is fucked in the head and doesn't know what he wants.

He's so very sorry for that. He should have stayed broken up with me and not tried to work things out. You think?

I took the liberty of letting him know that this girl too, will want to get married one day. And that he has a lot of problems he needs to deal with, that wont just go away. He kept telling me nothing happened and he doesnt know if it will even go anywhere. As if that is suppose to make it all ok.
He pretended to be so independent, yet obviously he needs someone up his ass 24/7. Maybe instead of wondering why he has no real job, or money, (hes been laid off since May btw) he should have spent all his time looking for a better job. Or a second job. Instead of another girlfriend.

Ya think?

I am smart enough to know you make yourself happy. I didn't make him unhappy. I did nothing but treat him like gold. You can't start relationships when you aren't happy. So I can say with confidence his little excursion is not going to blossom. She's not me. Plain and simple.

He knew he had another interest, when we went to dinner and decided to work things out. He failed to mention it. He knew when I decided to move. He knew when I was worried how I'd get out of my lease, or pay two rents. Sure, It kicked me in the ass to finally move...but I didn't have to move IN TWO WEEKS! Maybe it was something you think he would have mentioned out of respect for me.

He knew this, when he took me home, and had sex with me that night. Took me out with his friends who all obviously know something is going on. And when he pretended to be trying to work things out with me. He knew this when he "couldnt figure out why he couldnt let me in, and be close to me" Duh, you cant be close to someone you are cheating on! (oh he didnt cheat on me, he has an interest that may not even go anywhere but hes not sure he wants to put in the work it would take for us to make it. And he lost interest in us towards the end)

You usually lose interest in someone when you cheat on them. Also, I let him know he was an excellent actor, and I hoped his new girlfriend appreciated that trait in him.

I also let him know that someone was interested in me, but I didn't pursue anything because I'm IN LOVE WITH HIM. I can't just move on with someone else like that.

As much as it all hurts, it is a relief to know the truth. I've been cheated on so many times, it seems par for the course. I'm almost more relieved about this than its just over because I live too far away. Right now I'm in shock. And a little bit of pain. I know the rest will come on in time. But I'm suprisingly at peace with it. I've been such an emotional wreck for the past few weeks.

So, in the end..cheaters get theirs. They always do. He cant just forget about me, I know he loves me and he will try to drown all that out with another girl but it wont work. You cant move from person to person like that.

Plus, I gave him a cat. And I named her. And he will have to think about me for the next 13+ years. Fucking bastard. I never saw this coming.

So I then promptly made a date with someone who was interested in me, for my birthday in two weeks.

Touche, motherfucker. Stories over.


texang said...

What a f**khead. You're better off without the douche.

Have fun on your date. Manfriend doesn't deserve you.

Hang in there. Hugs.

sazza said...

OMG, I cannot believe this. :(
I'm so sorry x

Suzi said...

Geez. Who would have predicted that?! I mean, people sometimes move on, but to "take a break" to see where things go with somebody else, but leave the door open with you? Please! What an immature baby! He doesn't want to be married, but he sure doesn't want to be alone, does he? You're right. He is not right in the head, and isn't relationship material right now. YOU, on the other hand, are very secure, you know what you want, and you will have it! I'm sorry that it turned out not to be him, but I'm glad you found out sooner rather than later.

Andhari said...

Omg what a piece of shit. I hope he got hit by a car, or got std.

Sorry I'm sooo mad that he did this to you. Who does he think he is?

sincerely jenni said...

Wow. Thats pretty low!

Hope you enjoy your date with new guy. You need to get your mind off of things.

MOMMA said...

Ever think maybe it's a guy he is interested in?? Maybe he is gay and just realized it.

Damsel Underdressed said...

He's not gay. He's just a typical weak man who can't be alone. I called it. And I only know because I went through it.

I am so sorry. I'll send you a message on FB soon. But I'm very pleased with how healthy your attitude is. Keep it up. I've got your back.

Teena in Toronto said...

Too bad he was such a wimp and wasn't honest with you.

He probably needs time and space ... but once he realizes he wants you, you'll have moved on.


Alaskan Dave Down Under said...

What an ass!

I'm a bloke (duh) and yet I've never ever understood why some guys cheat and the excuses they make. I could never see myself lying to someone's face like that.

He sounded great early on, could he have been acting then too? You're better off without him, IMO.

Fizzgig said...

texang: you said douche. I love douche!

me either. im still shocked but i can accept it. because i truely know im worth more than that.

you know he didnt say lets take a break so i can see someone, he kept saying lets take a break and stay in touch...see what happens in the future i hav things to work on. then I find out theres someone else, so it all made perfects sense!

he obviously gets his self worth from others. Even though I stroked his ego every chance i got, i wasnt around to do it enough for the asshole, so he had to find someone else. truth is he needs to do that for himself!

I know ill have fun, i always have fun with him..but its nerve wracking at the same time.

sometimes i wonder. it would explain all the :confusion: its so funny to read his old emails when we met he seemed so together but it was all BS!

yes a peice of shit. but i dont have to put that out in the universe hes doing it to himself!

the thing is time and space from what i wasnt around enough according to him. he has no idea what he is doing. and he doesnt even have real direction in his life.

he was great all along. he is a really good actor. i never would have suspected he was unhappy for even a second. seriously i cant be that off with my feelings! he always made me feel loved and appreciated too.

hes just weak. like a lot of men, glad you arent one of them!

merider (M.E.-rider) said...

Fizz, what you've been going through brings tears to my eyes. Less so about the man that just treated you with so much disrespect (and whom you are really lucky to get rid of, by the way) than you throwing up, feeling sick to your stomach, etc. Please take care of yourself. "This too shall pass" and there will be many more happy times in your life.