"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Like I said they always come back 2.0...

No sooner did I get a message from my ex husband, than I got one from notsomuchamanfriend.

Friday night I went out w/a girlfriend to have cocktails. Where I had free drinks all night because some guy spilled his vodka on me. It was down my back or I may have been suspicious. But he did buy me double vodka and sodas to make up for it! Score!

Around 11 we were talking and she said I should just call new guy cus I wanted to see him. So...I did. He was at home doing nothing. Kind of bothered me that he never asked me did I have plans for the wknd. Did I want to get together? But I was tipsy I didn't care.

I went over later, had some laughs. Stayed the night. In the morning he promptly woke up around 8 am and got up and started puttering around to start the day and said he had to go shopping.

I took that as my cue and did the walk of shame to my car. He did go see if he had salt to put out first, since it had snowed. But he didn't. Guess I overstayed my welcome. I dunno. I want to be wanted and needed. Maybe I'm just impatient.

When I got in my car, I had several messages on my celly from notsomuchamanfriend. How he made a stupid decision. He ended a good relationship. He was wrong. I'm a good woman. I only loved him and he pushed me away. Everything I, and you blog readers already know but he must have just realized.

He said he loved me.

Insert the waterworks here.

Insert confusion here.

Insert anger here.

Now, moving on. I told him that ironically I had just gotten a message from my ex husband about how he was sorry he let me go too. I said that he needs to find his happiness so when he is unhappy he doesn't mistakenly blame others for it.

And, if this had maybe happened in a few months, much easier? I don't know. I've kind of been ok with our break up, because I still love him. And I knew he would realize this sooner or later. But I don't like that we've been with other people you don't forget that.

Of course, I can't go running back. And..I am not a cheater. I don't like to hurt people. New guy deserves a fair shot. Notsomuchamanfriend has made no attempt to get back with me. Maybe he was just clearing his own conscience. Who knows.

I still don't know what happened with him and his interest. But obviously things didn't work out. And I couldn't just go back to the way things were with us. If he DID want to be with me he'd have to prove it. And he'd have to make some changes. Such as, not being afraid to move forward with me. I'm not going to run back and get shit on again. I really couldn't handle it.

All I do know, is that now I am back to that horrible panicked, stressed out feeling I had the whole time we got back together. Not knowing. And I don't want to feel that way.

I hope all this closure isn't pointing to something bad happening to me. gulp.


Andhari said...

urgh men. Make him work for it please. I'd say rather not be with him if he's still like this. Better move on, meet new guys, one may be the right one someday. I hope you make the right decision :) you'll be alright.

Allison M. said...

Wow! What a morning.