"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Friday, April 17, 2009


I dreamt the other night, about my ex boyfriend, whom was referred to in this blog years ago as those we dont speak of...TWDSO. This was the first relationship I had that didn't involve abuse, and he was decent to me. The bad part of being treated crappy your whole life, is that once someone doesn't you may latch on to them, and forget what you really want in a person.

I was guilty of that with TWDSO. I wanted rescued. But he had only child syndrome, and while he did treat me well for the most part, he didn't want to take care of me. He was also what I would call "priviledged" and never had to really struggle for anything in his life, and we couldn't relate on a lot of levels. So, of course I moved in with him!! We were together like 4 years or something.

He was one of those star wars nerds. And....he had two rooms dedicated to all the toys he had, plus the collectors plates he had hanging in the living room. It was kind of um....gay.

Toward the end I lived in the spare bedroom. I would put on my sleep mask and pretend to be asleep at 9 so I wouldn't be propositioned for sex. I wasn't the least bit attracted to him, and he sucked in the sack. We had no chemistry. Eck. Like, I can think of exes and not get grossed out. But him? Yea.

It was one that had to end so we could get on with our lives. I blamed him for a long time. But really, it was both our faults. He genuinely cared about me and I didn't feel the same, so I put a lot of distance between us. And gained a lot of weight. I think subconsiously I thought he'd dump me for being fat.

Anyway, I dreamt I was at his house searching through all of his things, looking for something. I don't know what it was I was looking for. But it made me remember that relationship I had when I started this blog. And how much has happened since then.

I am going to the dentist (cringe) a few blocks from his house.

Like how I can appreciate when a man is nice to me, and know how to trust my instincts when something is right and wrong. My manfriend told me this weekend that I will always be beautiful, as we were talking about aging. I think he's pretty darned sweet.

Happy weekend! I'm going to take the things off my dreamboard I have acheived, and add new things. I'll take a picture for the blog so you can see it too.


Erin said...

It is good that you can now appreciate what you have... because it sounds SO much better than what you used to have!!

Mike said...

Woah, two rooms dedicated to "Star Wars" merchandise? Grown men who do such things are, um, weird.