Then I started to be honest with myself. No, it's not OK if you cheat on me. Lie to me. Hurt me mentally or physically. It's not OK that you expect me to take care of your every need, yet can't even listen to me when I need to talk. It's not OK that you make fun of me for laughing, or crying, because you numb your feelings with drugs. Through all of this, you come to learn what certain things you will or won't accept in a person, if you let yourself. I actually made a list which was part of the whole "Secret" journey Im on.
I thought more about the topic, because it was on an episode of Til Death. Eddie visited his friend, who was married for the second time. His wife was really cool, and smoked cigars, and left the room so he could hang with his friends, and alerted him to "boobies" on TV. The friend told him he learned his lesson with his first marriage, and made a list of what he did and didn't want in the second one.
I always knew what I wanted in a relationship, but I never allowed myself to believe I could have those things. The Secret teaches, you can have everything you want. There is enough to go around. All you have to do is believe you can have it. My list is pretty easy:
- Sense of humor/laughs at my stupid jokes
- Likes animals
- Nice butt/attractive
- gainfully employed
- has goals/not content to let life pass him by
- gives me butterflies!!
- not a drug addict/alchoholic
- has friends/social
- strong/not just the body but not a wishy washy person
- good kisser
- Not religious
- good cook
- Makes me laugh
- Knows what he wants, and when he is not getting it
- No kids
- Likes to travel
- Can talk for hours about anything
If you'd have asked me before I started to work on myself, I have no idea what I would have said. Because the only common denominator in guys I've dated is they have had drug/alchohol addictions, and they treated me like shit, and used me. I keep journals, and looking back, there were bright red screaming flags at the beginning of all of those relationships. Now, I see those as deal breakers. I learned to trust myself. My gut. Know when something isn't right, and tune in to my intuition, that I believe everyone has, but they second guess.
And, in case you were wondering, yes, my boyfriend is everything on my list, and so much more! That's what makes him so special to me. You know when you have something good, because you don't question it. I was forever questioning myself in the past. And fighting. Two things, I can say are not missed in my life!