"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Is That A Squirrel in your pocket?

You know how my Momma moved back to Ohio this winter, and bought a house, right? She bought new furniture. One peice being a big leather recliner. Sat right next to the fireplace. She said it stunk like dead animal, and wanted to spray something on it. It did sorta smell odd, but what do I know, I have 6 pets.

When it started to warm up outside, she started getting flies. Tons of them. She saved them in a little fly carcass pile to count 30-50 flies in a day she killed. I'd call it a slight obsession. She'd do this for weeks. "There's another damn fly!" She thought they were in the windows, and woke up by the warm weather. You know, you can freeze a fly, and it will come back to life when you thaw it? Totally true. Don't be afraid to eat my frozen food though, I havn't actually done this myself, I saw it on TV. I told her maybe it was her drains or something?

After weeks of batteling flies, she said she saw them crawling out of the fireplace, and she knew something was dead in there. She said we all thought she was nuts, but I don't remember sayin that. She said this little guy came down all on his own. Doesn't he look peaceful? Poor little squirrel. Rest in peace. I guess the chimmney guy found a baby one in there too when he came. After charging my Mom an assload to put new covers on her chimmney.
That made me sing chim chimmery chim chimmery chim chim cha ri...chim chim as lucky as lucky as can be.
I'm stupid. Sue me.
BTW, my Mom is the one who took the picture of this dead squirrel. Not me.


Alexa said...


i don't believe you posted the actual picture!! hahaha

AMPlifier said...

I don't know whether to puke or laugh my ass off.

"You know, you can freeze a fly, and it will come back to life when you thaw it?" = Yes, actually, I DID know that, only because my senior year of high school for AP Biology we had to do this insect collection project, and our teacher discouraged us from killing the insects using a poison jar, so I stuck them in the freezer instead. What else was I supposed to do? Imagine my disgust/frustration when days later I would take the jars of bugs out to mount them, thinking they were good 'n' dead, only to have them resurrect as I was getting ready to pin them down! BLEEEEECHHHHH