"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Monday, May 12, 2008

Let's Break a Deal..

I saw this article on another blog, and thought it was an interesting topic. Deal breakers. What is it in a person that would absolutely make you run in the other direction? There use to be no deal breakers for me. Whatever your problem was, I'd find a way to make it OK. That was because I had no idea what the flip I wanted, and I would just decide that what you were would do, because you liked me. And, obviously (not so obviously to me at the time) I didn't value myself, or trust my own opinions. Yea, that was me.

Then I started to be honest with myself. No, it's not OK if you cheat on me. Lie to me. Hurt me mentally or physically. It's not OK that you expect me to take care of your every need, yet can't even listen to me when I need to talk. It's not OK that you make fun of me for laughing, or crying, because you numb your feelings with drugs. Through all of this, you come to learn what certain things you will or won't accept in a person, if you let yourself. I actually made a list which was part of the whole "Secret" journey Im on.

I thought more about the topic, because it was on an episode of Til Death. Eddie visited his friend, who was married for the second time. His wife was really cool, and smoked cigars, and left the room so he could hang with his friends, and alerted him to "boobies" on TV. The friend told him he learned his lesson with his first marriage, and made a list of what he did and didn't want in the second one.

I always knew what I wanted in a relationship, but I never allowed myself to believe I could have those things. The Secret teaches, you can have everything you want. There is enough to go around. All you have to do is believe you can have it. My list is pretty easy:

  • Sense of humor/laughs at my stupid jokes
  • FUN!
  • Likes animals
  • Nice butt/attractive
  • gainfully employed
  • has goals/not content to let life pass him by
  • gives me butterflies!!
  • not a drug addict/alchoholic
  • has friends/social
  • romantic
  • strong/not just the body but not a wishy washy person
  • Compassionate
  • good kisser
  • sexual
  • Not religious
  • Spiritual/open
  • affectionate
  • good cook
  • gentleman
  • Makes me laugh
  • Knows what he wants, and when he is not getting it
  • No kids
  • Likes to travel
  • Can talk for hours about anything

If you'd have asked me before I started to work on myself, I have no idea what I would have said. Because the only common denominator in guys I've dated is they have had drug/alchohol addictions, and they treated me like shit, and used me. I keep journals, and looking back, there were bright red screaming flags at the beginning of all of those relationships. Now, I see those as deal breakers. I learned to trust myself. My gut. Know when something isn't right, and tune in to my intuition, that I believe everyone has, but they second guess.

And, in case you were wondering, yes, my boyfriend is everything on my list, and so much more! That's what makes him so special to me. You know when you have something good, because you don't question it. I was forever questioning myself in the past. And fighting. Two things, I can say are not missed in my life!


Erin said...

And again I say how lucky you are :) I would love to find the happiness and love that you have found :-)

AMPlifier said...

I have a list too, but have a few things to add to it after reading yours!

Congrats on the self-actualization, and thanks for being an inspiration to those of us who need it!

Alexa said...

i want a boyfriend that fits my list!!!

yours is great by the way.

Mon said...

Thank you, I do honestly feel that way which I think helps.

I think its important to have a list, and to believe that there is someone out there. My mom told me Id never find everything I wanted. Old school thinking.

Thank you! You can find one!

Alaskan Dave Down Under said...

He sounds like a keeper, good on ya.

Did you get my email about the cramps from excersize?

Slick said...

Its good to see you two are still going strong! :)

If he's all that in your list...yeah, hang on to 'em. I have maybe 2 of those qualities at any given time.

Don said...

sounds like you know what you want and know what you don't want. keep it that way - good way to be.