"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Monday, August 31, 2009

You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel...

I got a flat tire Saturday at the manfriends. Luckily, I thought, I am with a man who can help me. It turns out, nothing can help me.

We spent a couple hours trying to get the wheel off. Manfriend is strong too. The landlord tried to help. A neighbor tried to help. They used some stuff that eats thru rust.

We called a mechanic that said we need an impact drill. Called the towing company they said they could get it off. They had a drill with 70 psi (whatever that means) and that wouldn't budge it. Finally, manfriend had fix a flat. Used that and drove to get another can.

I have a nail in my tire.

The neighbors brother has an air drill or whatever those shop things are, that does 100 psi (whatever that means) and that wouldn't budge it.

The world could implode, and there would sit my Dodge Stratus, with the left rear wheel still attached. Maybe it can cure world hunger or something spectacular like that. My Dad would be proud. "American" made.

You know, Friday my wages were garnished. I have no money. I can't pay to have my freaking tire removed. It's just about the stupidest thing I've had to deal with.

No, I can't get a flat, I have to have a bionic wheel, and no way to cash in on its sheer strength!

Oh, guess what else? I'm going to the gyno today. That tops off the wonderful weekend. At least I'm finally going to use my insurance, and go to a real gyno, with soft chairs, and mood lighting, and cloth gowns, and two stirrups (at planned parenthood inevitably one is always broken) and peaceful music vs. 16 kids screaming in the waiting room while their mom (they all belong to one teenager) is getting her 17th pregnancy test.

Upon relating my weekend to my boss. She told me to take a mental health day tomorrow. Not vacation, personal time, that I don't have to account for, even though, I still have 72 vacation hours to use this year.

Maybe I've mentioned that I have the best boss ever?

Friday, August 28, 2009

Wake Me Up When Its over...

So, the city garnished my wages.


Today requires a big hug from the manfriend.

And maybe some vodka.

Maybe a glass of wine, then a hug, then some vodka.

I love spinning my wheels...

So works been super hectic. I had a big meeting where a bunch of people come in for training for the week and we have to perpare for that. One of my girls was out the week prior, one was out the week of. This happened because they moved the meeting after vacations were scheduled.

I'm still playing catch up with my normal month end stuff for July. This weekend is month end for August. I have reviews to do, and an annoying coworker to deal with. Training, and preparing for another super huge meeting in two weeks. In other words. I'm freaking swamped.

One thing thats part of getting ready for the next big meeting, was preparing year to date awards for the stores that we do each year. Its a super huge job, that yeilds about 10,000 awards, and I have to meticulously pick each person that gets the award to make sure the right person is awarded.

Then I have someone else meticulously check my work. Then it's approved. Then awards are made. Um, this takes about 4 days of non-stop number crunching.

Today, I was informed we were not doing awards this year.

No one told the people who PREPARE the awards, cus, communication isn't part of our MISSION STATEMENT or anything. That's PLASTERED all over this building. That's REQUIRED to be posted in your cubicle. That we HAVE to take a FOUR HOUR class to dissect the MISSION STATEMENT.

I'm a little pissed off.

That's complete shit.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Sparks cause fire....

Well, I pride myself on the fact that I don't explode very easily when I'm pissed off. It's an art form, because as we may have gone over once or twice, I had a few good years of crazy.
Now I'm laid back. I have a long fuse...But everyone reaches the end if you let the flame go long enough.
Yesterday I'm at work, tracking annoying coworker's breaks as she has had a habit latley of disappearing for 20 min at a time to smoke. My boss has seen her outside working and smoking. I smoke, and I don't take breaks at work. You don't need one every hour. And you especially don't need to make me look bad to my boss.
Quick background, its a rule in my dept, you tell someone when you leave your desk. We have to answer 17 lines, so you are not to leave 1 girl alone on the phones, and you have to give each other the courtesy to tell someone when you leave, so we know when you'll be back.
So CW leaves at 3:25, I see her leave her desk, and I write the time in my planner. 3:45 rolls around and I ask the girls..."do you know where CW went?"
4:00 by this time I'm pissed. Who leaves for 35 minutes on the job? It's a complete lack of respect for me, and the department.
I look outside for her. I look in her VP offices for her. I'm getting more pissed by the minute. I hope maybe shes applied for another job, but its company policy you have to have your supervisor sign off on your application.
4:55, she comes thru the dept "I'm gonna go outside before you all go home at 5:00"
Ok, so you have been gone for an hour and a half, and now you are going to smoke? I let her dig her own grave, and I waited. I'm at my desk, shut down, at 5:05, everyones gone, and I pull her into an office.
Me: Where have you been for an hour and a half?
CW: In a VP's office
Me: You didn't tell anyone where you were, I had no idea if something happened to you, and these girls were stuck out there answering your phones and couldn't leave, that's not teamwork, remember we talked about how you are part of a team now?
CW: I didn't plan to be in there this long
Me: You didn't tell anyone where you were
CW: For the record this happens to me all the time (meaning the girls leave her alone)
Me: CW, no one has EVER left you alone for an hour and a half
CW: Well it happens
Me: That's not the point, if you have a meeting you let me know
CW: It wasn't planned
Me: You should have the common courtesy to call if 10 minutes passes and you are away from your desk. VP has a phone in his office, there's no excuse for that.
CW: I'm sorry
Me: Another thing, you are not a personal assistant, your VP may be use to a level of service that you are unable to provide for him now, why were you in there so long, does he have you working on a project (that i wasnt informed of)
CW: bla blah, project information, this is what we did blah bla
Me: That's fine, you should also let me know when you are working on extra projects, because its my job to maintain the jobflow in the department. I'm your supervisor, you might not like telling me where you are, but its a departmental rule and you know that.
CW: They knew where I was
Me: But I didn't know.
In the end, she was crying. I told her she had to tell me when she left her desk, since she wants to play he said/she said. I wasn't mean, I was just direct. I have another meeting with her today, where I'm sure this will all come up again. As I also have to tell her to stop giving unsolicited advice to her coworkers. And the fact that she has no respect for me as her supervisor. Is that obvious? She just went to smoke, and didn't tell me she was going anywhere.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Im Gonna be a Millionaire...

So, I'm going to win the mega millions tonight. When I got my winning ticket at the gas station last night the machine announced "winner, winner" and that's the truth. Something was "wrong" with it, and the lady told me that, and handed me my ticket.

Im thinking yea, whats wrong is it told me I was going to win so I could dream all about it last night!

First, I'm getting a lawyer.

Second, I'm scheduling my vacation, that I'm already owed, so obviously that's why I didn't take it, I was waiting to become a millionaire.

Third, I'm getting my passport, so I can go to Australia, and visit the great barrier reef, and Kangaroo island!

Fourth I'll come back and pay all my bills

Fifth, I'll move in 2.2 seconds, once the city gets wind of my income, they'll surely double tax me and put me back into the same predicament!

Sixth I'll buy a house in Charleston, SC, and that's where I'll summer. But I'll stay in Ohio. It's the heart of it all.

Seventh, I'll get a boob job, cus my boobs need to get to work.

Eighth I'll build a farm, and commence buying every animal I ever wanted.

Ninth, I'll hire a bunch of people to be on poop patrol. Cus, that's the crappy part of having pets. Crappy. Ha.

Tenth I'll not give any money away. Because I'm honest.

Eleventh, maybe I'll stop eating everything in sight. Stress eating has really taken a toll on me!
I am packing on pounds I feel it!!!

Monday, August 24, 2009

People on Vacation Piss me off...

I'm suppose to be on vacation this week. I've had it reserved since who knows when.

Sadly, I had to decline taking vacation.

On accounta I have to pay 1/3 of my salary each check to taxes.

And I want to blow up the city. Did I just write that?

I havn't been on vacation for over a year now. A year with no vacation can make any person nuts.

I think I can carry vacation over under our new policy at work, until like april or something. I think by April I'll win the lottery. I'm angry at life now. I can't seem to get ahead. Staying where I am is costing me more money in taxes. Working a second job will put me back in the same spot where I owe too much (cus im rich silly) and have to pay a buttload. Yet staying put is only prolonging the fact that I can't save money to move.

I'm stuck.

I've been squeaking by on $10 a week for groceries, which suprisingly you can buy a lot for 10 bucks at Aldi! I didn't get my hair cut, just colored. To me that IS scrimping. I bought $6 vs. $16 shampoo (which pained me....) and when I'm out of hairspray I dunno what I'll do because that costs $19 and is not in my budget.

And when I'm out of beauty products, I might sell a kidney because I'll be off my anti wrinkle regimine. Anyone in the market for a nice kidney? I drink well over 64oz of water a day....anyone?

Watching little house on the prairie use to help. I mean they would be happy with a pencil. But I think about the years I worked two jobs so I could not struggle, and then here I am struggling again. BECAUSE I worked two jobs.

Friday, August 21, 2009


Ok so before last weekend, all I knew about greyhounds was they were racing dogs, and people rescue them from being murdered after they hit their "prime" racing age. And, the Simpson's had one.

Last weekend, manfriend and me went to petsmart where there was a greyhound rescue and they were the sweetest dogs. They didn't jump, they didn't yap, they weren't excitable, they were slow and steady, and sweet.

They have beautiful deer-like eyes too. I've been somewhat obsessed with learning more about them ever since that day. I'm haunted by them. I really. Really want one. I never thought I'd want a big dog either.

Of course my current situation does not allow for me to have a large dog. I'm paying basically a second car payment (actually more than my car payment) to taxes each month. So the best thing to do when you really want something is to get it.

I think I need to buy a house. For realz. Stop wishing for something and get it. There are a lot of not so happy sacrifices that come along that path, but the end result, will be my own house. That I can paint. Garden. Rip up the carpets. Replace the cabinets. Fence the yard. Build a pond. Have a greyhound. You know, the essentials.

Once I get my mind on something....I generally attain it.

If I see it I will have it.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Child Free...

I have for a long time favored being child free, for being strapped down by kids. Giving up my life to take care of ungrateful children.
Last night at my Moms she encouraged me to get pregnant. To me, having kids is like some club that its members will do anything to have more people join.

People, especially those who have kids, find it very difficult to believe I don't want them. As if encouraging me to do it will change my mind.

I don't have that need that most women have. I also don't think they will enhance or better my life in any way because I'm a realist. I know that they will make things harder. And that if I want to have kids to keep a man, make someone marry me, or make me feel complete, those are all bad reasons.

I don't need to keep a man if he wants to leave let him. I made someone marry me back in 1996 and well, that lasted a whopping two years. And, I am a complete person on my own. I love me, and enjoy my company. I don't have a problem being by myself and an interruption to my me time, would only piss me off and make me resent a child.

I saw this at planned parenthood last weekend (where I spent my Saturday morning.....needless to say I finally made an appointment at the real gyno so I can stop having to pick up my pills there each month) A book called No Kids By Corrine Maier.
I just think everyone's life decisions deserve respect. I understand wanting kids. It's just not for me. And I don't think I should be made out to be abnormal because I'd rather have my freedom.

Plus, I'm already the mother of 4 cats and a smelly dog. (and one fish...RIP Kate.....)

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The older I get the more this bothers me......

Monday, August 17, 2009

Cha Cha

You can't tell this is us, because I have disguised it. Sort of. Anyway this is me and the manfriend at a coworkers wedding on Saturday. He's the cutest ever. We did the "Cha Cha" and I loved watching his booty shake while he did the dance. It was probably one of my favorite memories ever.

I did catch the boquet. Only the brides sister came and stole it from me like a linebacker out of nowhere. I had it for a split second. She is pregnant, so I supposed I should let it go, she needs a baby daddy. I don't.

And in typical man style, manfriend could have caught the garter, but instead left it there on the floor at his feet, and the groom had to pick it up and rethrow it. I asked him what he was afraid of, it's just a garter. I don't get boys.

during the wedding he said something pretty cute like...there's no reason we shouldn't be together. I said, "you're right, there isn't". I blame it on the a-a-a-a-alchohol.

The wedding was suppose to have fish in the centerpeices. To which the bride said I could have as many as I wanted. So Saturday I went to buy gravel and food (I had a bowl). No fish at the wedding. So me and manfriend took a trip to petsmart Sunday. Got sucked in by the greyhound rescue group they had there. Those dogs were so sweet and liked to lean against your legs. I so wish I had a big farm, I'd adopt one in a heartbeat! I loved them. Then we got sucked in by the cats.

Know how I know manfriend loves me? He doesn't rush me along when I fawn over the animals. He knows that's part of me and he respects it. And he also might like them too, but don't tell him I told you that.

We watched movies, snuggled in the A/C since it was 90, and watched our new fish!

Mine are Jack and Kate. Of course, after the characters on Lost...And you can see they are on a tropical island together by the palm trees. If you are by some chance a Sawyer and Kate fan...get real, Jack and Kate are the ones destined to be together! They cost 13 cents a peice. I saved them from being another fishies food.

This is manfriends bachelor fish Hank. He's gonna live all alone. I might have caught him talking to his fish, but I probably shouldn't divulge that. I told you he was the cutest.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


I'm so tired of working out. Yesterday I waited until 1pm (normally I workout at 11 and watch 90210 on soapnet) so I could watch My Life on the D List. It's becoming increasingly hard to get me to workout. I have to bribe myself with good TV.

It's hot. It's been in the 80's. I despise hot.

I want to go on vacation. I have a week off the end of August but I'm 99% sure I'm changing it. I have no plans. No money, and it's a busy week at work.

I know, I'm so responsible.

I spent $10 on groceries on Friday, which included cheese that doesn't taste like ass. I'm all about this generic store shopping. (I went to Aldi)

I'm off to have a meeting with my problem employee. I seriously hate doing this more than I hate working out. Bleh.

Monday, August 10, 2009

My employee sucks more than yours.....

Today, I got this email from an employee, who sent this to our payroll department.....

"I don’t know that it makes any difference. I wrote down the times I clocked in Thursday and Friday and I show 8:28 as that was what on the time clock when I swiped my badge (I’m sure of the time because I stood there and waited for the clock to flip to 28 after before swiping my badge). Just wanted to let you know in case there is a clock problem."

A clock problem? So she didn't clock in or out a minute late, the time clock is messed up, so instead of 40 hours, her time shows 39.97. I never get bent out of shape over your time, unless your consistently late, I dont care! I know it sucks to walk 2 miles into work every day, and have the time clock 5 minutes from your desk.

Seriously, if that is going to break you, you should just jump off a bridge.

I really dislike said employee, which is NOT good since 1) I am her boss. 2) I am doing her appraisal.

Oh, did I mention, that I had until Friday to complete my appraisals, and my boss just called to say she needs them tomorrow. Did I mention I hadn't started them?



Furthermore, I hate this employee and decided to turn it into a positive. I am going to start wishing her a better job, because that's a nice thing to wish someone. And the bonus is I wont be her boss.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Chase Bank Can Suck It....

I've decided that besides selling all my worldly belongings (trying) to have money to survive, I'm going to get rich off of Chase bank. You know how they are screwing the world over? I'm one of them. I'm hoping for a nice class action lawsuit. Did you know that I love to have dreams?

My song and dance is that, (cue violin) I filed bankruptcy in 1999 due to the fact that my ex husband cheated on me (several times) and then abandoned me with all of our bills and a house I hadn't the slightest idea how to take care of. I made $7.25/hr. The past 10 years were spent rebuilding my credit because of that, because soon followed a reposession, a foreclosure, loss of job, and a personal breakdown. Toss in there my 12 year old cat died. It's not easy to rebuild your credit.

The long story would tell you how after my asshole husband, I lived with a few other assholes who treated me like crap until I finally got back on my own. Where I had no cable, free heat, and lived on ramon noodles, and McDonalds hamburgers for a few years, did my laundry in the bathtub, and owed my ass to cash advance.

Then I started a second job.

So, I've struggled. I've been there. A good 10 years was rough, but there were times that were harder than others. Up until almost 2 years ago I worked two jobs. 8am-11pm. Or, when I worked at the police station, I worked 8-5, and then 11-7am. I had no life. I was miserable. I did things like I don't want to struggle again. I didn't pay my taxes because I didn't have the money. I only in the past year got a promotion and raise, and was able to quit my second job and have a "normal" life.

So, that's what scares me about being faced with this tax stuff. I've been there.

On to the weekend. Cookout at the manfriend's tonight, and tomorrow I'm going to see the Akron Aeros in a suite with some school friends, and the manfriend. Free fun rocks!

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Prairie Dogs are Cute...

Did you know that prairie dogs kiss? Google prairie dog kiss in images. Squeeeeee!

This is only rivaled, by the fact that otters hold hands in the ocean so they don't float away. Animals are so freaking cute. And lucky. They don't have to get jobs, pay bills, or deal with family! Unless you are my pets, whereas I kept two of my cats kittens, and she is a Momma for life.

I've decided that I want to live back in the prairie days. This decision comes after many money woes, and will likely be getting another second job (if I'm lucky) I enjoyed having an entire year and a half of one job. I got to see how the other half lives.

Because of money, I have sucky cable and only have family channels. (You know, no A&E, Bravo, TNT, TBS, MTV...NOTHIN!) I've been entertaining myself with reruns of The Golden Girls, and "Little House on the Prairie" on the Hallmark Channel.

Last night, Charles lost his job. They owed money to the Olsens (remember bratty Nellie and Willie, and mean Mrs. Olsen? I always wanted to smack them!) To make money Charles cleaned out stables. For 25 cents a day! Twenty five cents???

Mary quit school for a while and worked full time sewing for $1.70 a week! They ran out of coffee, sugar, and tea, and all smiled through it because "sugar is bad for your teeth, and coffee keeps you up when you drink too much".

The girls couldn't do their homework because they ran out of paper. Ran out? And when things turned back around after pulling together, they put on their Sunday best after bathing in the creek, went to town and got a lead pencil and tablet of paper. Oh, and sugar. Families helped each other. You were rewarded for hard work, not for being a lazy fuck. Yes, I'd fit right in.

I think I lived those days in a past life. I'm fascinated with it, and have always liked old things. Old useless things to just stick around the house.

The only thing I wouldn't like about the prairie days, is no birth control. Screw that having 10 kids mess, and having to wash all their clothes by hand out on a wash board, and cook food all day after working in the garden in a dress. And no tivo. Could you imagine no tivo? I can't. I think my heart stopped beating for a minute.

Maybe I'll create a village like in the M. Night Shamalan movie everyone but me hated. Only I'll secretly have a TV!

On a side note, when my coworker is married, I'm going to be so happy I don't have to hear about her wedding 10 hours a day. For two years.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009


So, I'm still facing a garnishment. For not paying my taxes. The worst thing about it is I did it to myself. Really, the worst thing about it is I know people personally that have screwed the federal government out of thousands of dollars, and never heard a word about it. Here I am, fighting with Canal fulton. Over what seems like chump change, but when they want to take your entire check, and not give two shits how you survive.....I find that to be ridiculous.

I tried to pay them 1/3 of what they want. But they havn't cashed my check. I have to live on $55 for 2 weeks. That's just gas to get to work for me. Good luck with that. Thanks.

Living there, is just costing me more in income taxes, so its like I'm in quick sand.

The worst part is, I've been looking for a part time job to try to get out of this mess, and there is nothing. I remember there use to be pages of jobs, and now....nothing.

I can see how people become depressed that are out of work. I've been eating poorly too due to stress. I am a horrible stress eater. Not to mention, what is there healthy to eat for 1/3 of $55?

I know it could be worse. And it will pass, but I have been really upset about it latley, I don't want to give up my independence and move home with my Mom. I've away from home for 16 years. And lived completely alone for two. I've always just got another job when times got tough. Now it seems like this wont be such an easy task.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

New Things...

I don't tend to try new things. I know what I like, and I stick with it.

Manfriend's brother had these electric cigarettes though. And we're gonna give them a whirl. They are vapor you inhale vs. smoke. And no rat poison. Of course, this is after I find out the fate of my future.

Garnishment......or no garnishment?

I sent them money but who knows if it'll be enough.

I can't even be mad because I knew I was not paying my taxes. I just can't believe that shitty ass canal town is coming after me.

Monday, August 03, 2009


Monday already? Time has been zipping by. I have been so busy with work, training, and working on a training manual for the new job I'm supervising. I'm almost done. I turned half of it in to my director on Friday. We had a shower for a coworker Friday also, which was a lot of fun. I was in charge of the group gift. So, I decided to get a surround sound system off their registry at Target. She is always talking about watching movies, and thats something you don't buy for yourself.

When she opened it she seemed perplexed...."what's this? surround sound system? Ohhhh cool, that's neat" she seemed to have no idea what it was. I was like "coworker, it was on your registry!!" Apparently her fiance did it. She liked it, but didn't know it was on there.

I was mad, as I thought it was a pretty bad-ass gift!

Today on my desk was a thank you card. At the bottom "P.S. I can't wait to plan yours" I said I hope you don't go gray while waiting. Its so depressing to think about, and I'm fine until 15 people I know start getting married.

I was so excited to go see the hot air balloons lift off at the Hall of Fame food festival this weekend. Only, since it rains every day, they didn't take off. Bull. Shit. Instead we went to the bar where a friend was working. She gave us free drinks. Awesome.

Yesterday we went to manfriends grandma's birthday party. It was a suprise. And a white elephant. So, I gathered up some crap to pawn off on someone else. My first pick, I got the "eggwave" microwave egg containers. I'm not big on microwaved eggs. I had my eye on a nice cock that the woman who picked it seemed not to like. (rooster, you pervs) Someone actually picked the cock, and said "I'd like this nice wood cock". Which is obviously why manfriend's family is relatable to me.....they all referred to it as a cock, just like me.

Unfortunately I had to take the cock from the neighbor. In the end, I went home with said cock. It will have a place of honor in my home, despite many side deals trying to lure it away from me. Manfriend ended up with the John Travolta classic..."The boy in the bubble".....oh, and popcorn! His stepmom did however, give him the barset he traded for, and a very old woman took from him, and in turn she took from the old woman.