"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Debbie Downer...

I dunno if its PMS......(which is a real-live thing, right ladies?) or what, but I am in a rut or something. I really just feel blah. I want to do something, but I'm too tired. I want to move but I don't have the money to put a deposit on a place. I can't save money because of my bills, and I know I have that impending garnishment for my taxes, and that scares me too. Plus, my dentist bill is due. Plus I'm trying to pay off my credit cards.

I want to buy a house, because I watch too much "house hunters" on HGTV. (I blame my cheap cable for this, trying to save money and having no juicy reality TV is making me miserable) Then I realize, while my bankruptcy and foreclosure from my previous marriage may be off my credit report now...I don't have a penny to put down on a house. So why torture myself? I'm not qualified for any first time home buyers offers cus I already screwed up once.

I want to run away.

I keep having horrible dreams. Last night, I dreamt my manfriend cheated on me. I always wake up at 3 am with a bad dream. That was one I was glad to wake up from, and find out it wasn't real. I was so heartbroken, it put me in a shitty mood for the day.

The night before that, I woke myself up yelling in a dream. I have never in my 33 years done that before. That had something to do with a friend at my party this past weekend, going home with a random guy. Not my style, but whatchagondo?

Sometimes being a grown up isn't all that great. I want to go home and get into bed and forget about the world.

Yea, it's PMS.


Ms. Megan said...

I feel your pain... I have so many things I want to do but until I get my child support straightened out all I can do is go to work and come home... I have faith it will get better for all of us!

Anonymous said...

It's totally the PMS blahs...
Now you get to look forward to feeling like shit.... cramps, bloating, muscle aches... What a fucking blast.

Andhari said...

PMS and maybe you're just having some bad days. It happens. I've been in a break down these past few days, hope as time progresses we can get better :)

lucentabella said...

PMS and debt can get rough sometimes! Can you have a garage sale and earn some extra cash flow? Maybe friends and family could donate items for the sale, or let you use their driveway. If you want to cut your cable bill you could turn off the cable and watch tv online. Many of the major networks now stream their shows online, for free! Also, hulu.com has hundreds of shows to watch. CBS is really pretty good about putting their shows online quickly. Also, if you have a cell phone, think about turning off the phone line. The line will still dial 911 in an emergency. Another option is Skype. If you call other skype users it's free! I hope this helps. I, also, hope it gets easier!

heather said...

Yeah. PMS sucks ass. One week a month, I blame my husband for thinking I'm fat and ugly.

How long has it been since you got your first time homebuyer loan? Because after a certain amount of time, you can qualify for it again. (My husband just told me that you have to NOT own a house for three years to qualify again) And you said the bankruptcy and foreclosure are probably off your credit so I'm guessing it's been a long time. Also, my husband and I bought our house with no down payment.

You're not stuck. I know bills and debt can feel suffocating. But you can get through it. Just believe you can. (Think of The Secret)