Apparently, other people think of nothing but sex too. And, they found my blog. Maybe today they will find familiarity with me in my post about sex addiction.
People found me by searching for:
posed playgirl endowed (Google)
real ligers pics (Yahoo)
"kill reality" stacy j nude (AOL)
johnny fairplay prank "kill reality" (Google)
"tonya" "lines on" "kill reality" (Google)
"kill reality" tonya pussy (Google)
do not underestimate the finger in the mouth and carmen electra (Yahoo)
Now, I have in fact talked about all this stuff before, but not in the same context. For instance, what is poor Napoleon doing in the midst of all the sexual talk..ligers. Poor guy!
I don't remember talking about playgirl. But I do read it for the articles. For instance this wknd. I read all about how to give good head. From a guy's perspective.
I said one time I watch Kill Reality...I bet these people were pissed when they got my blog as their search results! They don't even show pussy on the show so why search for it?
But, it makes me feel better, because I am not the only perv in the world. So thank you fellow pervs for making me feel good about me.
I don't feel dirty now. You should though. I don't search for porn on the net. I respectively purchase it in person. If you are too embaressed to buy it in person, then you have a problem. Either you are ashamed of it, or you are buying it too much that everyone knows you and thinks you are sick!
I'm going to get a chicken tendercrisp from BK. Without which, the world wouldn't be as tasty! And, a playgirl. Cus, it is a new month, so why not? I'm entitled!
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
The Word For Today....Sex Addiction...?
I fear that I may be a sex addict, seeing how, I just had a meeting at work which at, the entire time I thought about sex, when I'd have it again, and what would happen when I did. What time of day, what I might be wearing...you name it.
Don't tell my coworkers. I wasn't thinking about sex with them, so it isn't harassment. Of course I had it all planned out in my head w/WG. It is all his fault I think. Its been YEARS since I have thought so much about it. And then, it isnt 'always' sex I think about. I think about how I love him so much I want to pop his head off, so that could be some completely different issue. And I might be comitted to a psych ward because of it.
I'm not deprived, by most people's standards. And I am satisfied. But I could honestly get it several times a day and I would still think about it. It's a sickness...
Now, I use to classify myself a love addict(see below). That is why I was off the wagon for so long with love. I had a professional head shrinker tell me this one. I told you all I was screwed up in the head. Insane in the membrane! Women who love too much? Yea, that was me! Look up what it means to be addicted to love. That's another post, but you can see, why I turned myself off from feeling it cus that is some scarey shit! Addictive!
Typical Signs of Love or Sex Addiction Include:
-Constantly seeking a sexual partner, new romance or significant other
An inability or difficulty in being alone
-Consistently choosing partners who are abusive or emotionally unavailable
-Using sex, seduction and intrigue to "hook" or hold onto a partner
-Using sex or romantic intensity to tolerate difficult experiences or emotions
-Missing out on important family, career or social experiences in order to maintain a sexual high or romantic relationship
-When in a relationship, being detached or unhappy, when out of a relationship, feeling desperate and alone
-Avoiding sex or relationships for long periods of time to "solve the problem".
-An inability to leave unhealthy relationships despite repeated promises to self or others
-Returning to previously unmanageable or painful relationships despite promises to self or others
-Mistaking sexual experiences and romantic intensity for love
Anyhow, fearing my mental state, I decided to look up the FAQ's of Sex Addiction. (which I don't find to be a laughing matter at all)
WHAT IS SEX ADDICTION? Sex addiction is a way some people medicate their feelings and/or cope with their stresses to the degree that their sexual behavior becomes their major coping mechanism for stresses in their life. The individual often can not stop this sexual behavior for any great length of time by themselves. The sex addict spends a lot of time in the pursuit of his or her sexual behavior/fantasy or they may have a binge of sexual behaviors.
Ok, I'm feeling this one..... I spend a lot of time supressing my desires........seriously!
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SEX ADDICTION AND A HIGH SEX DRIVE?. A person with a high sex drive is satisfied with sex. It's not about a fix for something; when their partner says "NO" it doesn't make them go off the handle thinking their partner is totally rejecting them and have to leave the house or act out in some other way. If you can relate to this the chances are there may be an addiction issue.
Ok, I'm scared, cus I definatly get mad when I don't have sex. I avoid letting on how much I like it to avoid rejection, cus that will trigger a wealth of my other mental problems, that have to do with rejection, and abandonment.....and lead to issues with food.
CAN YOU BE ADDICTED TO MASTURBATION? Yes, this is by far the most common sex addiction that I have treated in working with sex addiction. This usually is the first sexual behavior many of us will have on a repeated basis. This is usually where the sexual compulsion starts with sex addicts and this behavior, regardless of other acquired behaviors, usually stays active.
Ummm, no comment, but yea, still scared!
CAN SOMEONE BE A SEX ADDICT AND NOT BE SEXUAL WITH THEIR SPOUSE OR COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP?YES! We call this later stage of sex addiction, sexual anorexia. In this stage of sex addiction, the addict prefers the fantasy world and fantasy sex with themselves or others instead of relational sex with their spouse or partner. The addict/anorexic avoids relational sex and hence this couple has sex infrequently and often at the partners request not the addict/anorexics.
I have practiced sexual anorexia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For a long time!!!!
CAN WOMEN BE SEX ADDICTED? Yes! The number of women desiring treatment is growing significantly. The behaviors are the same as their male counterparts including: masturbation, pornography, internet activity, anonymous encounters and affairs. There is hope for female sex addicts to recovery.
Duh, why can't women like sex? I don't think I'm that bad yet, but I have some warning signs.
I don't think I'd go elsewhere looking for it or my #'s would be way higher! So, I might be safe. But slowly being driven insane on the inside! I can't help it!
More reading on the topic:
There tends to be a high correlation among the most common addictions, including drug and alcohol dependence, gambling addictions, eating disorders, and sexually compulsive behaviors As a result, many individuals who enter substance abuse treatment programs often suffer from more than one form of addiction. For example, the cycle of compulsive overeating, which includes both bingeing and purging, looks very similar to the cycles of chemical and sexual addiction, particularly when viewed from an emotional perspective.
I think I might have turned my food addiction, into sex addiction!!!! I can see the pattern here:
While not all of those sexually addicted are the survivors of traumatic abuse, in those who are, the sexual abuse often has taken place in childhood, before an individual has the ability to understand and integrate the complex concepts and intense experiences associated with sexuality. As a result of the abuse, survivors may often feel confused about love and sex, thinking that sex is love, that sex is a means for finding love, and/or that sex is the way to feel good about one's self or experience being in power or control.
So if you don't find me around lately. I'm isolating myself. Because I have no control over my mind. Fear not WG I will not cheat on you. I think about locking you up sometimes, but I told you that, and it wont be all a bad experience. I wouldn't think. It's for your own good!
I will write more later when I have ample control over myself. I am consumed 95% of my day thinking about the man. The only reason I give 5% of my time to other things, is because I do have to pay my bills, and pee, well, nevermind, I give it 100% of the time.
I'm a nut.
I'm out!
Today's Question:
What would you do if you found out someone you thought was normal was a sex addict?
I'd invite them over for drinks! jusssssssssssssssssssssst kidding! lol! partially!
Don't tell my coworkers. I wasn't thinking about sex with them, so it isn't harassment. Of course I had it all planned out in my head w/WG. It is all his fault I think. Its been YEARS since I have thought so much about it. And then, it isnt 'always' sex I think about. I think about how I love him so much I want to pop his head off, so that could be some completely different issue. And I might be comitted to a psych ward because of it.
I'm not deprived, by most people's standards. And I am satisfied. But I could honestly get it several times a day and I would still think about it. It's a sickness...
Now, I use to classify myself a love addict(see below). That is why I was off the wagon for so long with love. I had a professional head shrinker tell me this one. I told you all I was screwed up in the head. Insane in the membrane! Women who love too much? Yea, that was me! Look up what it means to be addicted to love. That's another post, but you can see, why I turned myself off from feeling it cus that is some scarey shit! Addictive!
Typical Signs of Love or Sex Addiction Include:
-Constantly seeking a sexual partner, new romance or significant other
An inability or difficulty in being alone
-Consistently choosing partners who are abusive or emotionally unavailable
-Using sex, seduction and intrigue to "hook" or hold onto a partner
-Using sex or romantic intensity to tolerate difficult experiences or emotions
-Missing out on important family, career or social experiences in order to maintain a sexual high or romantic relationship
-When in a relationship, being detached or unhappy, when out of a relationship, feeling desperate and alone
-Avoiding sex or relationships for long periods of time to "solve the problem".
-An inability to leave unhealthy relationships despite repeated promises to self or others
-Returning to previously unmanageable or painful relationships despite promises to self or others
-Mistaking sexual experiences and romantic intensity for love
Anyhow, fearing my mental state, I decided to look up the FAQ's of Sex Addiction. (which I don't find to be a laughing matter at all)
WHAT IS SEX ADDICTION? Sex addiction is a way some people medicate their feelings and/or cope with their stresses to the degree that their sexual behavior becomes their major coping mechanism for stresses in their life. The individual often can not stop this sexual behavior for any great length of time by themselves. The sex addict spends a lot of time in the pursuit of his or her sexual behavior/fantasy or they may have a binge of sexual behaviors.
Ok, I'm feeling this one..... I spend a lot of time supressing my desires........seriously!
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SEX ADDICTION AND A HIGH SEX DRIVE?. A person with a high sex drive is satisfied with sex. It's not about a fix for something; when their partner says "NO" it doesn't make them go off the handle thinking their partner is totally rejecting them and have to leave the house or act out in some other way. If you can relate to this the chances are there may be an addiction issue.
Ok, I'm scared, cus I definatly get mad when I don't have sex. I avoid letting on how much I like it to avoid rejection, cus that will trigger a wealth of my other mental problems, that have to do with rejection, and abandonment.....and lead to issues with food.
CAN YOU BE ADDICTED TO MASTURBATION? Yes, this is by far the most common sex addiction that I have treated in working with sex addiction. This usually is the first sexual behavior many of us will have on a repeated basis. This is usually where the sexual compulsion starts with sex addicts and this behavior, regardless of other acquired behaviors, usually stays active.
Ummm, no comment, but yea, still scared!
CAN SOMEONE BE A SEX ADDICT AND NOT BE SEXUAL WITH THEIR SPOUSE OR COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP?YES! We call this later stage of sex addiction, sexual anorexia. In this stage of sex addiction, the addict prefers the fantasy world and fantasy sex with themselves or others instead of relational sex with their spouse or partner. The addict/anorexic avoids relational sex and hence this couple has sex infrequently and often at the partners request not the addict/anorexics.
I have practiced sexual anorexia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For a long time!!!!
CAN WOMEN BE SEX ADDICTED? Yes! The number of women desiring treatment is growing significantly. The behaviors are the same as their male counterparts including: masturbation, pornography, internet activity, anonymous encounters and affairs. There is hope for female sex addicts to recovery.
Duh, why can't women like sex? I don't think I'm that bad yet, but I have some warning signs.
I don't think I'd go elsewhere looking for it or my #'s would be way higher! So, I might be safe. But slowly being driven insane on the inside! I can't help it!
More reading on the topic:
There tends to be a high correlation among the most common addictions, including drug and alcohol dependence, gambling addictions, eating disorders, and sexually compulsive behaviors As a result, many individuals who enter substance abuse treatment programs often suffer from more than one form of addiction. For example, the cycle of compulsive overeating, which includes both bingeing and purging, looks very similar to the cycles of chemical and sexual addiction, particularly when viewed from an emotional perspective.
I think I might have turned my food addiction, into sex addiction!!!! I can see the pattern here:
While not all of those sexually addicted are the survivors of traumatic abuse, in those who are, the sexual abuse often has taken place in childhood, before an individual has the ability to understand and integrate the complex concepts and intense experiences associated with sexuality. As a result of the abuse, survivors may often feel confused about love and sex, thinking that sex is love, that sex is a means for finding love, and/or that sex is the way to feel good about one's self or experience being in power or control.
So if you don't find me around lately. I'm isolating myself. Because I have no control over my mind. Fear not WG I will not cheat on you. I think about locking you up sometimes, but I told you that, and it wont be all a bad experience. I wouldn't think. It's for your own good!
I will write more later when I have ample control over myself. I am consumed 95% of my day thinking about the man. The only reason I give 5% of my time to other things, is because I do have to pay my bills, and pee, well, nevermind, I give it 100% of the time.
I'm a nut.
I'm out!
Today's Question:
What would you do if you found out someone you thought was normal was a sex addict?
I'd invite them over for drinks! jusssssssssssssssssssssst kidding! lol! partially!
Friday, September 02, 2005
What Crawled Up Your Ass..and DIED??.....
Being a woman, I have had my share of shitty days. Hell, we get pretty good at it, seeing how some monster takes over our minds and bodies each month. We have no control over it. Men act like we enjoy being that way. That we use PMS as an excuse for being bitchy. Ok, cus you know what its like to have irrational thoughts, and cry for no reason? Sure! And, like we enjoy being that way? Being bitchy isn't fun. Unless you mean to be. Cus I dunno, call me crazy, I like to have control over my own mind.
I don't know if I have PMS. But man, I really am not right! I can't put my finger on any certain event. So it must be hormones. My boss came in. Asked can I meet with her and a coworker to go over some catalog stuff. Sure I say. I pick up my pad of paper and a pen and go in coworkers office, no boss. This was enough to set me off this morning. Why? Don't ask me, if I knew, I'd be a rich woman!!
I'm not feeling the least bit creative.
So last night at job #2 I had to sit by this woman, who has bigger issues than me. I think she is special for sure. She had a big plastic case, like a first aid kit. Opened up on her desk, and it had everything under the sun in it. Pills, asperin, tylenol, cold meds, cough meds, band aids, gum, candy, safety pins, neosporin, peroxide, calamine lotion (cus you might get poison ivy in the parking lot) this is just to name a few, I didn't have time to take inventory. she had it open and stuff spread all over her desk. She's prepared. If we have an emergency, I know where to go.
The other night there was a sign on the board that teams were being eliminated. I'm on a team. I make good money being on a team because I know the job and do it all the time. Last night they said it was a misunderstanding. But I still had to learn a new job, crash reports. It pays the most per keystroke, but you know in 2 hours, i made 6.73? In 2 hours on my team I make 25-30 bucks. I got ripped!
So the drive home sucked, it took me 40 minutes to get home. WG was there shortly after. He wanted to make me happy. I am suprised that he handled me so well. I knocked a picture off my hallway wall and broke it, he was able to fix it for me, I couldnt, I tried. It made me kick the wall, and put a hole in it. Then I went to my garage to scream, and kick my trash can over.
I never said I was sane! LOL!
I kicked the trash can at work once. Over the switchboard. I shared the job as a back up, with another girl who isn't here anymore. I always got screwed into being the back up. She got out of it, and if she couldnt, she'd call off on her days. I'm not making this up. I HATED the phone. At my job, 99% of the calls are for customer service. They never take their calls. I imagine most call centers are the same, cus I've had to call places myself.
My boss had a talk with me. This was 5 years ago, that boss is gone now. But it was pretty funny. Sometimes I am triggered! And watch out!!
I just told a girl at work last night about how it is hard to adjust to working 2 jobs and having a life, and all the stupid crap I had done due to exhaustion. Like, putting conditioner on my face, and face wash in my hair. Running into walls. Then, last night, I used my eye make up remover, on my face. Why not? LOL. I don't even use toner or astringent, so I don't know what posessed me to do that. Sometimes you got too much going on in your mind. I plucked my eyebrows. Being tired also makes you not realize you have a forest growing on your face! They were BAD and I didn't even realize it. I didn't shave my legs. I don't care either.
So, tonight I am going to get drunk. Bier Haus. I don't have much money to do so, as I have a week til I get paid, and I have to pay my car pmt with that check. Then, its ANOTHER week until I get my real pay check. This just means, you don't eat dinner, you drink it. That is the poor man's way to drinking. Try it. You might like it! Alchohol might not work but it works with beer!
I'm buckling down. I am quitting my second job in Feb. at the latest. I simply am spread too thin. I enjoy spending time with my man. But I have to shift things around, and that makes me think, and thinking hurts my brain! OUCH!
I've decided for my 30th bday, I'm getting a cabin for the wknd. It'll be a bitchin' time. I might drown myself in the hot tub. It is depressing. 30. Who thought, I would be 30 some day? I just never thought about it.
I remember the guy I had a fling with when I was 23 was 28. I really thought that was old! LOL! I was seeing an OLDER man. Well, we had sex. I wouldn't say we did anything else. But that was the deal. We went to dinner once. Went to the bar once. But we had to keep it on the DL. My deepest darkest secret involves that man. Maybe one day it wont shame me to talk about. And no, it isn't that he was married, that is no secret! People make mistakes you know!
Be gentle yougin's, your day is coming!!!
Today's Question:
Who is the scariest person you have ever known?
This says known, I have SEEN lots of scarey folks.
But the scariest one I have known would have to be my ex 'Z'. He was unpredictable, and crazy. You could never tell what he was going to do, or say. Anyone who locks you inside a house, and goes out w/his friends, and calls to see if you are on the computer (he met someone online and was worried I'd find out about it, which I did, cus, she IM'd me thinking I was him) and comes home to make you get off, is scarey. He also kicked me out once a week, like clock work. Then begged me to stay. Is it any wonder, I have abandonment issues???? Go! Stay! I hate you! I love you! Fuck you! I love you! Die! Never leave me!
I don't know if I have PMS. But man, I really am not right! I can't put my finger on any certain event. So it must be hormones. My boss came in. Asked can I meet with her and a coworker to go over some catalog stuff. Sure I say. I pick up my pad of paper and a pen and go in coworkers office, no boss. This was enough to set me off this morning. Why? Don't ask me, if I knew, I'd be a rich woman!!
I'm not feeling the least bit creative.
So last night at job #2 I had to sit by this woman, who has bigger issues than me. I think she is special for sure. She had a big plastic case, like a first aid kit. Opened up on her desk, and it had everything under the sun in it. Pills, asperin, tylenol, cold meds, cough meds, band aids, gum, candy, safety pins, neosporin, peroxide, calamine lotion (cus you might get poison ivy in the parking lot) this is just to name a few, I didn't have time to take inventory. she had it open and stuff spread all over her desk. She's prepared. If we have an emergency, I know where to go.
The other night there was a sign on the board that teams were being eliminated. I'm on a team. I make good money being on a team because I know the job and do it all the time. Last night they said it was a misunderstanding. But I still had to learn a new job, crash reports. It pays the most per keystroke, but you know in 2 hours, i made 6.73? In 2 hours on my team I make 25-30 bucks. I got ripped!
So the drive home sucked, it took me 40 minutes to get home. WG was there shortly after. He wanted to make me happy. I am suprised that he handled me so well. I knocked a picture off my hallway wall and broke it, he was able to fix it for me, I couldnt, I tried. It made me kick the wall, and put a hole in it. Then I went to my garage to scream, and kick my trash can over.
I never said I was sane! LOL!
I kicked the trash can at work once. Over the switchboard. I shared the job as a back up, with another girl who isn't here anymore. I always got screwed into being the back up. She got out of it, and if she couldnt, she'd call off on her days. I'm not making this up. I HATED the phone. At my job, 99% of the calls are for customer service. They never take their calls. I imagine most call centers are the same, cus I've had to call places myself.
My boss had a talk with me. This was 5 years ago, that boss is gone now. But it was pretty funny. Sometimes I am triggered! And watch out!!
I just told a girl at work last night about how it is hard to adjust to working 2 jobs and having a life, and all the stupid crap I had done due to exhaustion. Like, putting conditioner on my face, and face wash in my hair. Running into walls. Then, last night, I used my eye make up remover, on my face. Why not? LOL. I don't even use toner or astringent, so I don't know what posessed me to do that. Sometimes you got too much going on in your mind. I plucked my eyebrows. Being tired also makes you not realize you have a forest growing on your face! They were BAD and I didn't even realize it. I didn't shave my legs. I don't care either.
So, tonight I am going to get drunk. Bier Haus. I don't have much money to do so, as I have a week til I get paid, and I have to pay my car pmt with that check. Then, its ANOTHER week until I get my real pay check. This just means, you don't eat dinner, you drink it. That is the poor man's way to drinking. Try it. You might like it! Alchohol might not work but it works with beer!
I'm buckling down. I am quitting my second job in Feb. at the latest. I simply am spread too thin. I enjoy spending time with my man. But I have to shift things around, and that makes me think, and thinking hurts my brain! OUCH!
I've decided for my 30th bday, I'm getting a cabin for the wknd. It'll be a bitchin' time. I might drown myself in the hot tub. It is depressing. 30. Who thought, I would be 30 some day? I just never thought about it.
I remember the guy I had a fling with when I was 23 was 28. I really thought that was old! LOL! I was seeing an OLDER man. Well, we had sex. I wouldn't say we did anything else. But that was the deal. We went to dinner once. Went to the bar once. But we had to keep it on the DL. My deepest darkest secret involves that man. Maybe one day it wont shame me to talk about. And no, it isn't that he was married, that is no secret! People make mistakes you know!
Be gentle yougin's, your day is coming!!!
Today's Question:
Who is the scariest person you have ever known?
This says known, I have SEEN lots of scarey folks.
But the scariest one I have known would have to be my ex 'Z'. He was unpredictable, and crazy. You could never tell what he was going to do, or say. Anyone who locks you inside a house, and goes out w/his friends, and calls to see if you are on the computer (he met someone online and was worried I'd find out about it, which I did, cus, she IM'd me thinking I was him) and comes home to make you get off, is scarey. He also kicked me out once a week, like clock work. Then begged me to stay. Is it any wonder, I have abandonment issues???? Go! Stay! I hate you! I love you! Fuck you! I love you! Die! Never leave me!
Thursday, September 01, 2005
You Always Want What You Can't Have...
I couldn't decide if I should list things that I want and couldn't have.
This here, takes the cake. And you would have to 'know me' to get it. But people who know me will be shocked. And were shocked.
I'm gonna whisper it, because it is so devastating.....
"I actually contimplated having a baby the other day. "
Not right this second, and I am not stupid enough to do it, but for a moment, it came into my head, that, what if I did want to have kids? Do I? Maybe?
Can someone loan me some money to get my head checked? Cus, the only reason I quit counseling is cus I am working 2 jobs and I cant afford it. I think I am in dire need of help.
I use to watch those stupid shows on TLC. A Wedding Story. A Baby Story. A Dating Story.
Usually, you'd only hear me say:
"Gay"
"Puke"
"Those people are actors"
"NO ONE is THAT happy"
"I'm so sure, this stuff really happens"
The things they say...."I never thought I would find the love of my life" (barf) "I knew from the moment I saw her, she was the one"(puke) "I could see my child in her eyes" (these people are actors)
That kinda crap - was all crap! And, I think it remains crap until you think you might have actually found something like that. Then, if you are me, you just freak out. You start thinking about how you don't deserve to be happy, you never have been. So don't go getting use to it, ok? Then I think, I deserve to be happy. That is attainable. But, while I am on the subject here is a short list of things that I want, but I can't have:
I think in closing, that we should all pull together, and send me some donations. Because, if I had #2, let's face it, I could accomplish all my dreams, and the world would be a better place for it. Call Oprah's Angel Network! The Dream Bus! Something!!!!!!! I would certainly be happy! What else matters????
If you see me around, I wouldn't engage me in any conversations. I woke up on the very wrong side of the bed this morning, something is cattywampus with my mind today!
Today's Question:
What do you want, but you can't have?
I really could actually list more things here. But, I wont!
This here, takes the cake. And you would have to 'know me' to get it. But people who know me will be shocked. And were shocked.
I'm gonna whisper it, because it is so devastating.....
"I actually contimplated having a baby the other day. "
Not right this second, and I am not stupid enough to do it, but for a moment, it came into my head, that, what if I did want to have kids? Do I? Maybe?
Can someone loan me some money to get my head checked? Cus, the only reason I quit counseling is cus I am working 2 jobs and I cant afford it. I think I am in dire need of help.
I use to watch those stupid shows on TLC. A Wedding Story. A Baby Story. A Dating Story.
Usually, you'd only hear me say:
"Gay"
"Puke"
"Those people are actors"
"NO ONE is THAT happy"
"I'm so sure, this stuff really happens"
The things they say...."I never thought I would find the love of my life" (barf) "I knew from the moment I saw her, she was the one"(puke) "I could see my child in her eyes" (these people are actors)
That kinda crap - was all crap! And, I think it remains crap until you think you might have actually found something like that. Then, if you are me, you just freak out. You start thinking about how you don't deserve to be happy, you never have been. So don't go getting use to it, ok? Then I think, I deserve to be happy. That is attainable. But, while I am on the subject here is a short list of things that I want, but I can't have:
a1) (ammended so I am not such a selfish bitch) World Peace!
1)I'd like to have Carmen Electra's bootie, cus its nice
2)I'd like to have Oprah's money, and hell, her jet too!
3)I'd like to have Jessica Beil's body (but maybe a little more boogage cus I'm use to them)
4)I'd like to have Britney Spear's adoring fans
5)I'd like to have Edwin McCain in my bed (that slipped out)
6)I'd like to have a non-profit no-kill shelter for wayward animals (similar to Big Gay Al's animal sanctuary)
7)I'd like to have no bills
8)I'd like to have my very own Old Navy Store. That stocks nothing but MY SIZES. And no one else can shop there. So, basically it's my closet. If I had #2 I could do this in a minute.
9)I'd like to not worry I will lose everything I have (even if I only have what I have right now)
10)I'd like to stop animal testing, and test on babies, er, prison inmates, that are gonna die anyways.
11)I'd like to feed and clothe the homeless, in AMERICA.
12)I'd like every abused woman, to be free to kill their abuser.
13)I'd like to televise #12 and be the next Mark Burnett!
14)I'd like rapists to have their dicks cut off and shoved up their asses.
15)I'd like to televise #14 and be the next Mark Burnett squared!
16)I'd like a wall of televisions, for as many channels as I receive.
16a)I'd like a TV show about me watching my TV's. This would make me the next
mary-ellis Bunim.
17)I'd like to have Shakira's hair, only my own color. That girl has got some hair.
18)I'd like to have an island to myself. That I will call, 'My Island- back the fuck off!"
19) I'd like to have a television show, based on putting people in my island indefinatly. It will probably be scandalous, so I will produce it myself, and be myself. No Mark Burnett wannabee's.
20) I'd like my own television network, and the power to put on any show I have ever loved from any network, any time....EVER. My station would so rock, that I would beat out Bill Gates AND Oprah as the richest people in America!!!!
21)I'd like to move Australia closer, Get a couple tugboats, start pulling, and get it closer to me. Then I could walk over to the outback, whenever I damn well pleased!
22)(this is one from way back)I'd like to round up all the men and put them in cages. They would only be allowed out for mens work, reprodcution, or recreational sex. If they are all contained, they cannot fuck up our lives! This also will solve the murder rate, as most men are the ones doing the killing. I am the smartest girl....EVER!
23)I'd like to make Madonna like me. And be my best friend. But I wouldn't like her dumb kids.
I think in closing, that we should all pull together, and send me some donations. Because, if I had #2, let's face it, I could accomplish all my dreams, and the world would be a better place for it. Call Oprah's Angel Network! The Dream Bus! Something!!!!!!! I would certainly be happy! What else matters????
******************************
And, finally, since I am in such a splendid mood this morning. A bitch session.
I paid $25 bucks to fill up 1/2 my tank in my Olds Alero. I think, I have a 13 gallon tank or something. I could friggin' puke! And a guy at work pointed this out, you know that they buy that gas like, last week. So how does last week's gas cost so much this week, when this is the week the prices go up? We are paying more for old gas people! That isn't disaster gas, thats LAST WEEK'S GAS!
And, if its really because of the gulf, how is raising the price going to lower demand? What, do we get a friggin' day off work due to the gas prices? Most of the world works TWO jobs like myself, so, can we please get a day off BOTH jobs. Especially since it takes me 1/2 hr to get home from my second job? Please?
"ok guys, you don't have to come to work today, demand is too high for the gas we need to conserve."
I am tired of hearing how we are the richest nation. Good for us. We work for it. Leave us alone. We pay out the ass for everything, so naturally we make more money.
If you see me around, I wouldn't engage me in any conversations. I woke up on the very wrong side of the bed this morning, something is cattywampus with my mind today!
Today's Question:
What do you want, but you can't have?
I really could actually list more things here. But, I wont!
Green With Envy....
I am even wearing green today!
Tayray got flowers again. Let us not forget, how she just received TWO DOZEN roses at once last month, for 1 yr and 9 months.
Now that hooch ass got a dozen for 1 yr and 10 months.
Tayray you can rent out your boyfriend you know. WG had a pretty good idea about doing it on ebay. You can make money off sending notes and flowers and crap. Its ok as long as its not crossing the prostitution line.
If he is cheap enough, can I buy him? No funny stuff! Just the sweet things. Like, buying you flowers all the time. And sending you nice emails. That is the stuff girls really want. Well, lets refer to my other post today, obviously I want way more than that, but I'm talking about men here.
This wknd, will you take me bra shopping? As, I am CERTAIN your assets are helping! lol!
When you get old, you have to buy bras all the time cus they wear out. Enjoy it while it lasts! They have to work 48 hours for the 12 hrs you are working. My girls are tired.
Jealousy.....is an evil thing. Now I know how people felt when I got stuff all the time. It would've been nice if I truley appreciated it. LOL!
No one loves me like I love me, and if you cant make yourself happy your a dumbass! So happy Thursday me! You deserve it!!!! Reasons for me to celebrate:
1)Only 3 months until Im 30. I expect great things will happen to me on my bday. At least I can get some sex or something. Which would be great.
2)I gained a pound yesterday, so that is an extra reason to be happy and celebrate, I felt like giving to the pot for the first time....EVER!
3)It is almost Friday, which means a 3 day wknd. I don't have to work my second job Monday either. BONUS!
4)I finished the web work I had been doing for days!
5)You are so tired that you are sleeping while you type this. Always a reason to celebrate.
6)You were late to work even though you left earlier. How?
I am late to work. I'm perpetually late to everything. I was even like a month late being born. I'd ask my mom for verification, but she doesn't read anymore. I could call her a crotch rot and she'd never know. Not that I would mind you.
So being late is in my nature. So, I'm always 10 minutes late. Logic would say, leave 10 min earlier, and get to work on time, right?
Wrong.
Leave 10 min earlier, and arrive to work at the same time?
Right!
Don't ask me how, I just drive the car! I get up earlier, leave earlier, get here at the same time. I might as well sleep longer and be late leaving late.
I dunno I might have forgotten to mention, that today sucks??
Ok Ahnolde...you are on a good guy kick lately! I will even publicly give you props for taking down my trash Sunday!
Tayray got flowers again. Let us not forget, how she just received TWO DOZEN roses at once last month, for 1 yr and 9 months.
Now that hooch ass got a dozen for 1 yr and 10 months.
Tayray you can rent out your boyfriend you know. WG had a pretty good idea about doing it on ebay. You can make money off sending notes and flowers and crap. Its ok as long as its not crossing the prostitution line.
If he is cheap enough, can I buy him? No funny stuff! Just the sweet things. Like, buying you flowers all the time. And sending you nice emails. That is the stuff girls really want. Well, lets refer to my other post today, obviously I want way more than that, but I'm talking about men here.
This wknd, will you take me bra shopping? As, I am CERTAIN your assets are helping! lol!
When you get old, you have to buy bras all the time cus they wear out. Enjoy it while it lasts! They have to work 48 hours for the 12 hrs you are working. My girls are tired.
Jealousy.....is an evil thing. Now I know how people felt when I got stuff all the time. It would've been nice if I truley appreciated it. LOL!
No one loves me like I love me, and if you cant make yourself happy your a dumbass! So happy Thursday me! You deserve it!!!! Reasons for me to celebrate:
1)Only 3 months until Im 30. I expect great things will happen to me on my bday. At least I can get some sex or something. Which would be great.
2)I gained a pound yesterday, so that is an extra reason to be happy and celebrate, I felt like giving to the pot for the first time....EVER!
3)It is almost Friday, which means a 3 day wknd. I don't have to work my second job Monday either. BONUS!
4)I finished the web work I had been doing for days!
5)You are so tired that you are sleeping while you type this. Always a reason to celebrate.
6)You were late to work even though you left earlier. How?
I am late to work. I'm perpetually late to everything. I was even like a month late being born. I'd ask my mom for verification, but she doesn't read anymore. I could call her a crotch rot and she'd never know. Not that I would mind you.
So being late is in my nature. So, I'm always 10 minutes late. Logic would say, leave 10 min earlier, and get to work on time, right?
Wrong.
Leave 10 min earlier, and arrive to work at the same time?
Right!
Don't ask me how, I just drive the car! I get up earlier, leave earlier, get here at the same time. I might as well sleep longer and be late leaving late.
I dunno I might have forgotten to mention, that today sucks??
Ok Ahnolde...you are on a good guy kick lately! I will even publicly give you props for taking down my trash Sunday!
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Spider Monkey!.....
Katrina is still hanging around. I drove home at 9pm. in the downpours. I'm tired of being wet. (from the rain) Since Ohio is the construction capital of the world (I think it really is written somewhere) I had to drive thru construction, and about got lost in the water twice cus it has nowhere to drain in the construction. Scared the shit out of me! Everything you touch is wet. It's humid. When you have a billion animals, it doesn't smell the best in the humidity.
Ah, the spider monkey. For years, this animal has captivated a group of people that I know. But, what is so special about the spider monkey you ask? Several things.
It was a stupid thing that TWDSO and his friends said. Simply, "spider monkey". Usually as a toast while doing a shot at the bar. Usually a high-pitched mileaminute 'spidermonkeyyyyy' It was some big freakin' secret, that the boys in the group, kept from the girls. They would say it was something special about the spider monkey.
Oh, we've looked into it. Lots, and lots. Even watched shows on the stupid things. It is something 'special' about the spider monkey. I believe they said it was something special about the female.
One guy claimed to have told my friend the secret when she was drunk, and she forgot. I think they are a bunch of liars, cus she said she would've remembered something like that. Asses!
Here are the findings:
*They get drunk off of fruit, and fall out of trees and act like human men. (which is actually quite amusing to watch if you get the chance to see this on animal planet)
*Females are aggressive
*Females have an enlarged clitoris
*They use their tail as a fifth limb (could be like human men and their penis's)
*Live approx. 30 years.
*Travel in 'troops' of approx. 20
*Easily excitable (like human men) and will throw things at invaders of their 'troop'
We were told by another girl in the group that her husband spilled the beans. She said, they said spider monkey because the males will have sex any way they can with the females, all over, hump their head, it doesn't matter. If you were using it in a sentence, you would say:
"I got it on like a spider monkey last night"
I was quite disappointed that this was the big freaking secret? What a rip off! Leave it to men to think their secrets are funny, or worth keeping. I was let down. I expected greatness. Something worth taunting people over, and laughing about, and keeping quiet. Big deal, they hump a lot. I could hump a lot too, but it wouldn't make me a secret worth keeping now would it?
Last night I was telling WG how my cat was crying weird cus he was probably getting it on with his mother, they are perv's, those cats of mine. I told him how my vet said he still likes it even though he is fixed. WG told me that some monkeys enjoy sex even if they can't reproduce.
"like spider monkies?" you ask?
So I looked into it.
Turns out, this is true. I believe that I have finally solved the spider monkey secret.
They probably never wanted kids, and they still liked to get it on, so they said "spider monkey".
This is an equally gay reason as, getting it on like a spider monkey. But no one said these guys weren't stupid.
I don't care if I'm right or wrong, cus I don't have to hear their dumbasses anymore, but I just wanted to state, for the record, that I have solved the mystery.
(I would advise against being fooled into thinking that because one loves to have sex and not reproduce, it does not mean that they are worth having sex with. This has been my experience. Some people think their great, and they really suck ass. GROSS!)
And now children, time for a story.
There was a king, who lived in a big old house. He wasn't the king of anything. He wasn't old, but he really looked old. He was stupid and thought that his job as king of his big old house was important. But really, no one cared that he was the king. And, he smelled.
The king had no desire to find a queen, he was content living in his big old house with a maid. The maid loved the king, and longed to be queen, but he would never acknowledge her. He acted like she didn't exist. After all, he was the king, and she a mere maid.
Each day, she would pick up after the king, try to juggle her duties as maid, and jester for the king. Occasionally he would laugh at the maid, but never for long. He preferred to watch jousting, and racing. The maid also worked outside the big old house, to earn an extra income so that one day, she could be queen, perhaps of another kingdom.
Once in a while, the maid would fulfill all the kings wishes, and we know what this means. This was a chore, because the king of nothing, was a terrible lay. Perhaps this is why the king would never take a queen?
After years of service to the king, the maid could take no more. She demanded he pay her attention, ask her to be more than his maid, or she would leave, and clean her own big old house, vs. an ungrateful king of nothing's house.
The king was stubborn. He liked the maids services, but did not want to share his ""vast"" kingdom with her. He preferred to be the king of the big old house, all alone. The maid took her belongings, and found a kingdom of her own.
Now, she is the queen of her own kingdom. Where she makes the rules. She isn't reminded daily of how nothing in the big old house was hers. She actually met a prince, who does not treat her like a maid! He makes her smile, and feel loved.
If only she had known this was possible, she would have left the king of nothing years ago.
The distance between kingdoms is not long. News travels. And before long, the queen heard that the king had maybe taken a queen of his own. This did not bother her in the slightest. The maid knew, something was going on with the king and his new queen for quite some time.
Sadly, the king of nothing, is yet again, alone. His new queen wised up, and has decided she does not want to be the queen of nothing. Perhaps the king has pushed his power and importance onto her also. Perhaps, the king kissed her with his dead fish mouth. Or, the king may have pulled a spider monkey on his new queen, and she was out the door!
(this is the likliest of happenings cus you can maybe get over the dead fish mouth kissing, but if you get it on soon and it sucks, you can still get out. The maid was in service for the king for a long time before giving up her goods.)
And this story ends, with a happy ending for the maid, and new queen of her own kingdom. She has finally found love. She has longed for this for a lifetime, and never quite found it. She was too busy taking care of kings of other kingdoms, and not caring about how badly she wanted a kingdom of her own.
And secretly, she laughs inside, at the king of nothing. For he is all alone. He let a good maid go, hell, she even cleaned his TRACK marks out of the toilet!!!!!!
THE END!
Today's Question:
What was the best arrival of your life?
I have only known WG for 2 months, but it was definatly when I got back from Columbus for work. I was only gone 3 days, but I have never, and I mean NEVER missed someone that much before, and NEVER felt so good to be missed equally!
I never felt a loss being away from someone before.
Ah, the spider monkey. For years, this animal has captivated a group of people that I know. But, what is so special about the spider monkey you ask? Several things.
It was a stupid thing that TWDSO and his friends said. Simply, "spider monkey". Usually as a toast while doing a shot at the bar. Usually a high-pitched mileaminute 'spidermonkeyyyyy' It was some big freakin' secret, that the boys in the group, kept from the girls. They would say it was something special about the spider monkey.
Oh, we've looked into it. Lots, and lots. Even watched shows on the stupid things. It is something 'special' about the spider monkey. I believe they said it was something special about the female.
One guy claimed to have told my friend the secret when she was drunk, and she forgot. I think they are a bunch of liars, cus she said she would've remembered something like that. Asses!
Here are the findings:
*They get drunk off of fruit, and fall out of trees and act like human men. (which is actually quite amusing to watch if you get the chance to see this on animal planet)
*Females are aggressive
*Females have an enlarged clitoris
*They use their tail as a fifth limb (could be like human men and their penis's)
*Live approx. 30 years.
*Travel in 'troops' of approx. 20
*Easily excitable (like human men) and will throw things at invaders of their 'troop'
We were told by another girl in the group that her husband spilled the beans. She said, they said spider monkey because the males will have sex any way they can with the females, all over, hump their head, it doesn't matter. If you were using it in a sentence, you would say:
"I got it on like a spider monkey last night"
I was quite disappointed that this was the big freaking secret? What a rip off! Leave it to men to think their secrets are funny, or worth keeping. I was let down. I expected greatness. Something worth taunting people over, and laughing about, and keeping quiet. Big deal, they hump a lot. I could hump a lot too, but it wouldn't make me a secret worth keeping now would it?
Last night I was telling WG how my cat was crying weird cus he was probably getting it on with his mother, they are perv's, those cats of mine. I told him how my vet said he still likes it even though he is fixed. WG told me that some monkeys enjoy sex even if they can't reproduce.
"like spider monkies?" you ask?
So I looked into it.
Turns out, this is true. I believe that I have finally solved the spider monkey secret.
They probably never wanted kids, and they still liked to get it on, so they said "spider monkey".
This is an equally gay reason as, getting it on like a spider monkey. But no one said these guys weren't stupid.
I don't care if I'm right or wrong, cus I don't have to hear their dumbasses anymore, but I just wanted to state, for the record, that I have solved the mystery.
(I would advise against being fooled into thinking that because one loves to have sex and not reproduce, it does not mean that they are worth having sex with. This has been my experience. Some people think their great, and they really suck ass. GROSS!)
And now children, time for a story.
There was a king, who lived in a big old house. He wasn't the king of anything. He wasn't old, but he really looked old. He was stupid and thought that his job as king of his big old house was important. But really, no one cared that he was the king. And, he smelled.
The king had no desire to find a queen, he was content living in his big old house with a maid. The maid loved the king, and longed to be queen, but he would never acknowledge her. He acted like she didn't exist. After all, he was the king, and she a mere maid.
Each day, she would pick up after the king, try to juggle her duties as maid, and jester for the king. Occasionally he would laugh at the maid, but never for long. He preferred to watch jousting, and racing. The maid also worked outside the big old house, to earn an extra income so that one day, she could be queen, perhaps of another kingdom.
Once in a while, the maid would fulfill all the kings wishes, and we know what this means. This was a chore, because the king of nothing, was a terrible lay. Perhaps this is why the king would never take a queen?
After years of service to the king, the maid could take no more. She demanded he pay her attention, ask her to be more than his maid, or she would leave, and clean her own big old house, vs. an ungrateful king of nothing's house.
The king was stubborn. He liked the maids services, but did not want to share his ""vast"" kingdom with her. He preferred to be the king of the big old house, all alone. The maid took her belongings, and found a kingdom of her own.
Now, she is the queen of her own kingdom. Where she makes the rules. She isn't reminded daily of how nothing in the big old house was hers. She actually met a prince, who does not treat her like a maid! He makes her smile, and feel loved.
If only she had known this was possible, she would have left the king of nothing years ago.
The distance between kingdoms is not long. News travels. And before long, the queen heard that the king had maybe taken a queen of his own. This did not bother her in the slightest. The maid knew, something was going on with the king and his new queen for quite some time.
Sadly, the king of nothing, is yet again, alone. His new queen wised up, and has decided she does not want to be the queen of nothing. Perhaps the king has pushed his power and importance onto her also. Perhaps, the king kissed her with his dead fish mouth. Or, the king may have pulled a spider monkey on his new queen, and she was out the door!
(this is the likliest of happenings cus you can maybe get over the dead fish mouth kissing, but if you get it on soon and it sucks, you can still get out. The maid was in service for the king for a long time before giving up her goods.)
And this story ends, with a happy ending for the maid, and new queen of her own kingdom. She has finally found love. She has longed for this for a lifetime, and never quite found it. She was too busy taking care of kings of other kingdoms, and not caring about how badly she wanted a kingdom of her own.
And secretly, she laughs inside, at the king of nothing. For he is all alone. He let a good maid go, hell, she even cleaned his TRACK marks out of the toilet!!!!!!
THE END!
Today's Question:
What was the best arrival of your life?
I have only known WG for 2 months, but it was definatly when I got back from Columbus for work. I was only gone 3 days, but I have never, and I mean NEVER missed someone that much before, and NEVER felt so good to be missed equally!
I never felt a loss being away from someone before.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Nightmare on My Street....
Well, Katrina is coming. It's gloomy, and miserable outside. On top of about 90% humidity. Couldn't fix my hair today. So I could've slept an extra 15 min and ended up in a pony tail, what's the difference?
Last night I was a good girl. I went home, and got on the treadmill. I also normally do intervals of walking/jogging. Which seemed to kill me. So, I jogged for 1 mile straight, which was a first for me. I did a 15 minute mile. I remember Oprah set that as a goal for herself, and she has a trainer, okkkkkk? I rule!
Normally I poop out. Yay me! Then I walked for the other mile. I took about 2 weeks off, thats enough horsing around, I'm back in the saddle!
The nightmare....
So, I'm laying in bed last night with WG. After not getting any, which is the next topic. Cuddling up. Content. And right as I'm drifting off to sleep, he strangled me. To me, he strangled me! I don't really think he did, but I was half asleep and I think I jumped a mile off the bed, and shook him awake. He had his arms around my neck! He wasn't trying to strangle me w/his hands at least. He said he had a twitch which he does do often. I dunno, it scared the shit out of me, and I really wanted to not lay next to him after that, for real! I really was afraid. Sleep is some crazy shit!
Let us think back to a time when TWDSO woke me up, holding my nose shut. I am determined that he tried to kill me. He probably tried to get me to stop snoring, but I woke up when he was doing it, and he denied it and denied it. I know what I felt, and saw in my face when I woke up! He denied that too, like I don't know what happened. Of course, I thought he was posessed.
Fun Fact: My mom and sister are my beneficiary's. If anyone should kill me it will be one of them. No one else gets my money! And, it is only 50 grand. Good luck furthering yourself with 50 grand after my funeral, and pet care. I only have about 15 thousand in debt.
This, does not mean anyone should kill me! I'm not worth the risk!
WTF do men want to kill me for?
I think it is because I like sex. WG told me today that he is oversexed from his birthday wknd, so he needed the night off to recoup. Of course, first thing I think of is that he doesn't want me. And it festered and brewed in my brain, in true woman fashion! So, I look up the word. And the definition does not fit the usage.
Main Entry: over·sexed
Pronunciation: "O-v&r-'sekst
Function: adjective
: exhibiting an excessive sexual drive or interest
I think perhaps he meant to say, that I am oversexed. Which, I wouldn't exactly argue with. I think that is called, human nature. But, I have also never heard of a man saying that. So I think today I am utterly depressed in the rain because WG is tired of me. I think, perhaps, most men tire of me.
When last wknd I was spending Friday alone, I told my friend Beth that means I am not getting any. She said you will live for a night without it. Well, yea, but why do you want to? Is it me? Am I really oversexed? And if so, why is this a problem again????
sing with me:
I don't see nothin wrong..
with a little bump and grind..
Of course, he adamently denies this, but he said it. He did his best to take back any bad meaning in it, but whats done is done. I am probably over reacting. I do that.
WG: I'm oversexed from my bday wknd
ME: We just had sex every day!
WG: Yea....
ME: I won't bother you for the sex anymore.
WG: I want you to
ME: You are tired of me and it's only been two months.
WG: I'm not use to it, but I love it. Do you believe I love you?
ME: Yes
WG: Would someone who loves you be tired of you?
ME: No
Whatever! I am not use to it either! I am use to finding ways to go to bed before someone, or pretend to be sleeping, anything to avoid being touched! Bleh! I am not use to thinking about it 24-7. Normally about now, I'd stop having feelings because I can't handle them. This is a good excuse in my mind.
WG told me he hadn't gotten it for a period of time, which, neither had I. We were about exact on the time we went w/o it!! I dunno. I know there are people in the world who have no homes, and I am complaining about this, but that's my life. What's wrong with wanting sex?
I am a woman. You don't tell us you we are fat. You don't tell us we don't cook good. You don't tell us you don't like our mothers. You don't tell us we are undesireable. You don't tell us we have bad taste. You don't tell us you don't want to have the poo tang. Ever.
Cus, we are women, we dwell on things. We devote our blogs to the fact that you don't want to have sex with us even though you clearly said that you do, we will still remember that you didn't. I never pretened that I don't dwell on things. I am entitled to get fired up now and then!
I also, in no way mean that all WG is good for is the sex! Cus, I love him but if you are a woman, you know what I'm sayin!!!! It is in our secret code books, page 53!
And it brings me to a revealing fact. If you are in fact with a woman, who does NOT enjoy the sex, you are not doing it right. Ask any woman, who you are not dating, and they will be honest about it. Who the hell doesn't like an orgasm? Anyone?? Thought so!
Maybe I just have PMS? But I don't think so!
I'm off to have my review, and be even more down in the dumps cus I have had a rough start to a year, but I'm not going there today!
Today's Question:
What is the longest period of time you could spend on a desert island with your significant other, before you need the company of others?
Well, yesterday I might have said forever. But now I ammend this, and say, as long as he is giving up the sex, I could be with him forever and need no one else. Otherwise, we'd have to get some other people on there, for an orgy. Which, he wouldn't be allowed to be involved in, cus I wasn't enough for him then neither is a group of people!
Hmf!
Last night I was a good girl. I went home, and got on the treadmill. I also normally do intervals of walking/jogging. Which seemed to kill me. So, I jogged for 1 mile straight, which was a first for me. I did a 15 minute mile. I remember Oprah set that as a goal for herself, and she has a trainer, okkkkkk? I rule!
Normally I poop out. Yay me! Then I walked for the other mile. I took about 2 weeks off, thats enough horsing around, I'm back in the saddle!
The nightmare....
So, I'm laying in bed last night with WG. After not getting any, which is the next topic. Cuddling up. Content. And right as I'm drifting off to sleep, he strangled me. To me, he strangled me! I don't really think he did, but I was half asleep and I think I jumped a mile off the bed, and shook him awake. He had his arms around my neck! He wasn't trying to strangle me w/his hands at least. He said he had a twitch which he does do often. I dunno, it scared the shit out of me, and I really wanted to not lay next to him after that, for real! I really was afraid. Sleep is some crazy shit!
Let us think back to a time when TWDSO woke me up, holding my nose shut. I am determined that he tried to kill me. He probably tried to get me to stop snoring, but I woke up when he was doing it, and he denied it and denied it. I know what I felt, and saw in my face when I woke up! He denied that too, like I don't know what happened. Of course, I thought he was posessed.
Fun Fact: My mom and sister are my beneficiary's. If anyone should kill me it will be one of them. No one else gets my money! And, it is only 50 grand. Good luck furthering yourself with 50 grand after my funeral, and pet care. I only have about 15 thousand in debt.
This, does not mean anyone should kill me! I'm not worth the risk!
WTF do men want to kill me for?
I think it is because I like sex. WG told me today that he is oversexed from his birthday wknd, so he needed the night off to recoup. Of course, first thing I think of is that he doesn't want me. And it festered and brewed in my brain, in true woman fashion! So, I look up the word. And the definition does not fit the usage.
Main Entry: over·sexed
Pronunciation: "O-v&r-'sekst
Function: adjective
: exhibiting an excessive sexual drive or interest
I think perhaps he meant to say, that I am oversexed. Which, I wouldn't exactly argue with. I think that is called, human nature. But, I have also never heard of a man saying that. So I think today I am utterly depressed in the rain because WG is tired of me. I think, perhaps, most men tire of me.
When last wknd I was spending Friday alone, I told my friend Beth that means I am not getting any. She said you will live for a night without it. Well, yea, but why do you want to? Is it me? Am I really oversexed? And if so, why is this a problem again????
sing with me:
I don't see nothin wrong..
with a little bump and grind..
Of course, he adamently denies this, but he said it. He did his best to take back any bad meaning in it, but whats done is done. I am probably over reacting. I do that.
WG: I'm oversexed from my bday wknd
ME: We just had sex every day!
WG: Yea....
ME: I won't bother you for the sex anymore.
WG: I want you to
ME: You are tired of me and it's only been two months.
WG: I'm not use to it, but I love it. Do you believe I love you?
ME: Yes
WG: Would someone who loves you be tired of you?
ME: No
Whatever! I am not use to it either! I am use to finding ways to go to bed before someone, or pretend to be sleeping, anything to avoid being touched! Bleh! I am not use to thinking about it 24-7. Normally about now, I'd stop having feelings because I can't handle them. This is a good excuse in my mind.
WG told me he hadn't gotten it for a period of time, which, neither had I. We were about exact on the time we went w/o it!! I dunno. I know there are people in the world who have no homes, and I am complaining about this, but that's my life. What's wrong with wanting sex?
I am a woman. You don't tell us you we are fat. You don't tell us we don't cook good. You don't tell us you don't like our mothers. You don't tell us we are undesireable. You don't tell us we have bad taste. You don't tell us you don't want to have the poo tang. Ever.
Cus, we are women, we dwell on things. We devote our blogs to the fact that you don't want to have sex with us even though you clearly said that you do, we will still remember that you didn't. I never pretened that I don't dwell on things. I am entitled to get fired up now and then!
I also, in no way mean that all WG is good for is the sex! Cus, I love him but if you are a woman, you know what I'm sayin!!!! It is in our secret code books, page 53!
And it brings me to a revealing fact. If you are in fact with a woman, who does NOT enjoy the sex, you are not doing it right. Ask any woman, who you are not dating, and they will be honest about it. Who the hell doesn't like an orgasm? Anyone?? Thought so!
Maybe I just have PMS? But I don't think so!
I'm off to have my review, and be even more down in the dumps cus I have had a rough start to a year, but I'm not going there today!
Today's Question:
What is the longest period of time you could spend on a desert island with your significant other, before you need the company of others?
Well, yesterday I might have said forever. But now I ammend this, and say, as long as he is giving up the sex, I could be with him forever and need no one else. Otherwise, we'd have to get some other people on there, for an orgy. Which, he wouldn't be allowed to be involved in, cus I wasn't enough for him then neither is a group of people!
Hmf!
Me. Revealed...
My Birth Month Reveals:
December,
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in
games and interactions. Impatient and hasty.
Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to
be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises.
Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and
trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered.
Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high
pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to
joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.
What does your birth month reveal about you? (read memo)
brought to you by Quizilla
December,
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in
games and interactions. Impatient and hasty.
Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to
be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises.
Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and
trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered.
Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high
pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to
joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.
What does your birth month reveal about you? (read memo)
brought to you by Quizilla
Monday, August 29, 2005
The Countdown Begins...
So, I am going to be 30 soon. (76 Days)
I don't think I would be sooooo upset about it, if it weren't for things they make you do in school.
Such as, where do you see yourself at.......?
I decided to look up my old school papers, to find out where I am suppose to be at 30. This was for school, so don't poke fun at my usage of words here, I was trying to get a good grade!
Let's review:
When I am 30, I will be happily married to my high school sweetheart (ex-husband). I will work in office administration (I work in marketing...still in an OFFICE) and earn a great income. My husband (ex husband) will work some type of manual labor (i dunno wtf he is working on besides making babies). Hopefully, he will be a machinist. We will have a beautiful house in Green. (we had an ok small house, in Akron, which was foreclosed on!). We will start planning our family, we want a boy and a girl. (I think he has like 5 kids, and now I dont want ANY!) I will be a stay at home mom, and he will support us. (WTF was I thinking? I am soooooo not that girl anymore!) When our kids grow up, I would like to go to school to be a veterinarian. Because, my second love, is animals. (man, I was dreaming, 2 kids, a big house, and a husband, plus veterinary school???????)
In exchange...I moved out at 18 because I couldn't get along with my mom. Moved in with my exes mom while we 'built' an apartment in his friends GARAGE! We had no working toilet. My dad ran a plumbing line out there for us. We lived there a few months, moved back in with his mom, and got a real apartment. Got engaged, because I wouldn't drop the issue, we'd been dating 3 years at the time. Bought a house, got married. Fought. Constantly. Got cheated on, a few times. Went to counseling, forgave him. Got cheated on again. Got left. Got divorced. Lost my job. Lost my car. Took my car from him one day while he was working (that was classic on my part!) Lost the house. He stayed in my life for a while, because I was not allowed to move on, but he could. Still wanted the poo tang, cus I got it like that! ha ha ha! But once I was with someone else I realized, he was a lousy lay!
So, I did meet some of my goals, I just didn't set myself good enough goals. Don't do that to your kids. Cus when they are pushing 30 they will look back at it and realize what they have or havn't accomplished.
In honor of my rapidly approaching birthday, I am going to be taking some trips down memory lane to make myself feel better. I've been reading my old journals from 10-11 yrs ago. While I use to be young, I was not carefree. I am much happier now.
So, for the young kids out there, I'm your inspiration! I hear people say all the time how much better life gets when you get older. You aren't so concerned with what people think about you, and you love yourself more. I think this may be true. I'll let you know!
This wknd was fun. Friday night I went to see Skeleton Key by myself (ahhhhhhhhhhh) I enjoy a movie alone. It was pretty good too! It's about voodoo, not so much about ghosts like you might think. I didnt get to see WG he did some dumb sports fanatasy thing Friday. I loathe sports.
Saterday I went shopping, and cleaned, which is always a great excitement! We went out to the Bier Haus for WG's Bday. (Which is officially today) He is 36 today. Yea, he is older. Not old, cus one day I will also be 36, see, you learn these things!
I let WG open his presents, even though his bday isn't until today! He seemed to like them all. I was nervous about it and it took me forever to pick stuff out. I got myself a new pillow, and my neck/shoulders/back still hurt from it! Stupid pillow!
They had martini shooters on sale for $2. Me and Tayray did a couple, or three. MMMM! We worked on WG's shot list so he can get his jacket. WG and Ahnolde played pool. When we got there I think there was like 10 people in the bar, and it was at 9:30! Dead night! But we were the party. The DJ played Ahnolde's CD.
We sat on the futons for the first time, and I had on a skirt, it wasn't very comfy at all!
Tayray and I had a secret mission. We left around 12 to go to the bell for us all, and get some windows, that someone threw out. I paint them stained glass. We stopped in the busy street and loaded up 5 huge windows in the trunk then the trunk wouldn't close, so we had to put them in the car. All the while I'm on the horn w/Bubba, trying to get her to come out with us, and we're dying laughing. I stopped to use the pisser on the way home, Tayray wouldn't let me go at this one place she told me was a house, like it mattered. So I found a port-a-potty down some side street in an allotment. It was dark, and you don't dare sit on the skanky seat so, I peed all over my underwear. That is always a fun treat. But man, it felt goooooooood to pee!
The boys couldn't hang at the bar and went home and were playing cards when we got back. I changed my drawers, and we ate our taco bell. Ahnolde made us watch boxing. From, like, 1972!!! Tayray and WG called Bubba she said she was coming but she didn't come! She hates us now!
Today's Question:
What is the wildest thing you have ever done in a car?
You may expect, some wild sex story. But everyones done that. I multitask in the car.
It takes me 30 min to drive from job 1 to job 2. Its actually a 15 min drive, but you sit in traffic for 15 min. So, I do things such as, moisturize my feet, and elbows. Write myself lists, and notes of things to remember. Make phone calls, Clean the ashtray, wipe my gearshift off. Armor-all the dashboard and doors. Flip thru my entertainment weekly (i really cant get into reading them) Add up my previous nights earnings from job #2. This is precious time when you don't have much, so I use it.
Now when I was young, and the girls were in the right spots, I use to flash people all the time. The best is flashing someone on a bicycle. If you time it right, you can make them fall!!!!!!!
I don't think I would be sooooo upset about it, if it weren't for things they make you do in school.
Such as, where do you see yourself at.......?
I decided to look up my old school papers, to find out where I am suppose to be at 30. This was for school, so don't poke fun at my usage of words here, I was trying to get a good grade!
Let's review:
When I am 30, I will be happily married to my high school sweetheart (ex-husband). I will work in office administration (I work in marketing...still in an OFFICE) and earn a great income. My husband (ex husband) will work some type of manual labor (i dunno wtf he is working on besides making babies). Hopefully, he will be a machinist. We will have a beautiful house in Green. (we had an ok small house, in Akron, which was foreclosed on!). We will start planning our family, we want a boy and a girl. (I think he has like 5 kids, and now I dont want ANY!) I will be a stay at home mom, and he will support us. (WTF was I thinking? I am soooooo not that girl anymore!) When our kids grow up, I would like to go to school to be a veterinarian. Because, my second love, is animals. (man, I was dreaming, 2 kids, a big house, and a husband, plus veterinary school???????)
In exchange...I moved out at 18 because I couldn't get along with my mom. Moved in with my exes mom while we 'built' an apartment in his friends GARAGE! We had no working toilet. My dad ran a plumbing line out there for us. We lived there a few months, moved back in with his mom, and got a real apartment. Got engaged, because I wouldn't drop the issue, we'd been dating 3 years at the time. Bought a house, got married. Fought. Constantly. Got cheated on, a few times. Went to counseling, forgave him. Got cheated on again. Got left. Got divorced. Lost my job. Lost my car. Took my car from him one day while he was working (that was classic on my part!) Lost the house. He stayed in my life for a while, because I was not allowed to move on, but he could. Still wanted the poo tang, cus I got it like that! ha ha ha! But once I was with someone else I realized, he was a lousy lay!
So, I did meet some of my goals, I just didn't set myself good enough goals. Don't do that to your kids. Cus when they are pushing 30 they will look back at it and realize what they have or havn't accomplished.
In honor of my rapidly approaching birthday, I am going to be taking some trips down memory lane to make myself feel better. I've been reading my old journals from 10-11 yrs ago. While I use to be young, I was not carefree. I am much happier now.
So, for the young kids out there, I'm your inspiration! I hear people say all the time how much better life gets when you get older. You aren't so concerned with what people think about you, and you love yourself more. I think this may be true. I'll let you know!
This wknd was fun. Friday night I went to see Skeleton Key by myself (ahhhhhhhhhhh) I enjoy a movie alone. It was pretty good too! It's about voodoo, not so much about ghosts like you might think. I didnt get to see WG he did some dumb sports fanatasy thing Friday. I loathe sports.
Saterday I went shopping, and cleaned, which is always a great excitement! We went out to the Bier Haus for WG's Bday. (Which is officially today) He is 36 today. Yea, he is older. Not old, cus one day I will also be 36, see, you learn these things!
I let WG open his presents, even though his bday isn't until today! He seemed to like them all. I was nervous about it and it took me forever to pick stuff out. I got myself a new pillow, and my neck/shoulders/back still hurt from it! Stupid pillow!
They had martini shooters on sale for $2. Me and Tayray did a couple, or three. MMMM! We worked on WG's shot list so he can get his jacket. WG and Ahnolde played pool. When we got there I think there was like 10 people in the bar, and it was at 9:30! Dead night! But we were the party. The DJ played Ahnolde's CD.
We sat on the futons for the first time, and I had on a skirt, it wasn't very comfy at all!
Tayray and I had a secret mission. We left around 12 to go to the bell for us all, and get some windows, that someone threw out. I paint them stained glass. We stopped in the busy street and loaded up 5 huge windows in the trunk then the trunk wouldn't close, so we had to put them in the car. All the while I'm on the horn w/Bubba, trying to get her to come out with us, and we're dying laughing. I stopped to use the pisser on the way home, Tayray wouldn't let me go at this one place she told me was a house, like it mattered. So I found a port-a-potty down some side street in an allotment. It was dark, and you don't dare sit on the skanky seat so, I peed all over my underwear. That is always a fun treat. But man, it felt goooooooood to pee!
The boys couldn't hang at the bar and went home and were playing cards when we got back. I changed my drawers, and we ate our taco bell. Ahnolde made us watch boxing. From, like, 1972!!! Tayray and WG called Bubba she said she was coming but she didn't come! She hates us now!
Today's Question:
What is the wildest thing you have ever done in a car?
You may expect, some wild sex story. But everyones done that. I multitask in the car.
It takes me 30 min to drive from job 1 to job 2. Its actually a 15 min drive, but you sit in traffic for 15 min. So, I do things such as, moisturize my feet, and elbows. Write myself lists, and notes of things to remember. Make phone calls, Clean the ashtray, wipe my gearshift off. Armor-all the dashboard and doors. Flip thru my entertainment weekly (i really cant get into reading them) Add up my previous nights earnings from job #2. This is precious time when you don't have much, so I use it.
Now when I was young, and the girls were in the right spots, I use to flash people all the time. The best is flashing someone on a bicycle. If you time it right, you can make them fall!!!!!!!
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