"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

No such thing as TMI...

I attended a friends wedding this weekend. It was at a private, intimate location. Mind you it was New Years Day, and I had been up til 5 am the previous night. Because, well it was NYE!

So..my morning poo at the FH (we're calling him this for future husband , cus, its good to have dreams) house was green. Now, I try to pretend I don't fart, poop, or burp but this time I had to tell someone I had green poo.

After much discussion about my green poo we decided that it was from the Grape Four Loko I had before going out to the NYE festivities. Phew. I'm not dying of stomach rot or anything.

I also had lots of vodka and seltzers. And...food I had sworn off for weeks prior so I could fit into my jeans. Buffalo dip, potatos, sour cream. I even ate a ham meatball on accident, so my body was probably rejecting the pig. (it was good, ok?)

Cut to the next day, hungover, rushing to get to this wedding over an hour away, in like, an hour, with the craps. We make it on time, the ceremony is over, I make my way to the toilet. And, do my green business. But when I try to flush the toilet. It doesn't flush.

At first I think, I'll just leave it, but then what if someone's outside waiting to go, and they KNOW I'm the green non flushing pooper? I keep fiddling with the handle and nothings happening. So I take the back of the toilet off, its not filling up with water!!!!! I was trapped. I panicked! I saw dixie cups and I started filling up the back of this toilet....


Which I think is about comparable to filling up the bath tub with an 8oz glass of water. In other words, slower than molasses! When I finally succeeded, I pulled the rubber plunger up and flushed the toilet that way. (My dad was a plumber so thank the stars I at least knew that...) When I finally emerged, FH asked if I was ok.

I had to tell him what happened, and he went in to look at the toilet for me.

And that's the story about the time I almost couldn't flush my green hangover poo at a stranger's house. And maybe now if you have a grape Four Loko, you won't freak out if you have green poo like I did!


Adorably Distracted... said...

lol that's great!!

Princess Andy said...

i hate public pooping.

a necessary evil...but still. smart girl for figuring that out!

i like to poo in my own space. i'm special like that;)


Teena in Toronto said...

Kinda reminds me of a scene in "Dumb and Dumber" :)

I only like pooing at home too.

Sister Copinherhair said...

I am cracking up! So funny! And way to go coming up with a flushing solution. :) I so can't poop anywhere but at home!

Fizzgig said...

Good grief people, how can you function without dropping it during the day? I go one to two times a day. If I had to hold it in I can't imagine how uncomfortable that would be!

Thats why people need colonoscopys and such.

Its natural, let your poop be free!

girl from florida said...

hahahaha! ha!

I couldn't stop laughing at this one.

Amber said...

Bahahaha- hahahahahahahhah! My goodness I enjoy you! Thanks for my morning giggle!