"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort










Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Pardon Me...


While I'm off the grid for a while. I go to jail this week, and the impending doom has set in for me.



I plan to be filfthy because a) im not showering in a room of women I don't know, and b)you try finding all your hygeine products in clear original bottles.

You are only allowed clear..and no alchohol in anything. Because the first thing I want to do when I get there, is drink all my hygeine products to get the buzz on...totally. I'm going to be with those kind of people. I'm not those kind of people. To each his own but I prefer my drink in a glass, chilled, maybe shaken depending on the cocktail.



What have I learned...hmmmm....don't drink and drive, and especially not in podunk Ohio, where they treat your first offense like a 5th offense.



I know the dear state is hoping they will make me never drink again by telling me how horrible I am for doing it. But fear not taxpayers, your money is not wasted. I got the honor and priveledge of paying for this intervention.

Let's pray that I don't wind up knifed, razored, ball point penned,. or salad tossed in my sleep...which is a legitimate concern seeing how I have to bunk with "non violent criminals" out in the open. I watch that show Lock up...I know what goes on in this type of minimum security jail. And it aint pretty if you are straight, or enjoy breathing.

Oh yea...this is gonna be totally sweet. I'm so not the type of person that will fare well in lock up.

9 comments:

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

Good luck!!!!!!!! maybe you will get released early like the celebrities do...wishful thinking!

Fizzgig said...

Thank you! I'd settle for being in isolation for being so awesome. That wouldnt bother me nearly as much as having to be housed with people I dont know or trust!

Adorably Distracted... said...

wow good luck! I would be so scared!

Carmen said...

I'm hoping your experience in the slammer is similar to that of Martha Stewart - lots of crafts! You'll do fine... just don't bend over for the soap (although I'd assume you'll be with all females so you won't really have to worry too much... I hope!).

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I have absolutely no sympathy for you. you got what you deserved and I hope your time is hell.

Sister Copinherhair said...

I hope it goes fast!

coawannabe said...

Gotta love Anons :) And good luck woman! May a bottle of tequila be waiting for you once you get out!

Suzi said...

What the???? Wow. Well, you'll come out of it with stories to blog about, anyway. How long will you be there? It probably won't be pleasant, but I hope the experience enriches you somehow. You are so positive that I'm sure it will. Bet your first offense will be your only offense!

Teena in Toronto said...

I can't say I envy you.