"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Monday, November 29, 2010

passively agress this...

This blog, has been successfully "anonymous" for almost 6 years. Sure, through the years you become friendly with the people who you read, and become friends..but rarely do you actually know them in real life. That's the beauty of having a blog.

Strangers don't know your friends, or exes that you talk about. Strangers only know what you allow them to know. What you share, is obviously one sided, and my point of view, this is my place, and that's what it is for.

It's come to my attention that this is no longer the case. All along I've kept a very journal-esque type format here, holding nothing back, saying whats on my mind. The anger I feel over a break up and the rejection I feel and express here, are my choice.

We've all been hurt in our lives. How I choose to deal with hurt is my choice.

Having a blog is a risk, sure, it's public. But to some who be visiting here now, this has been sent to you by one of your friends...a mutual friend.

I didn't create this blog to make 'him' look bad which is how this was presented to you all. I had this for several years before I even met 'him'. And it chronicles way more than just our lives together. The fact that I posted  "the letter"  he left do dump me, is my choice. It's my letter. It was the only explanation I was left with for ending what I felt was a perfectly good relationship. The fact that he shared it with all of you via my blog was his choice, and until then, it was and would've remained anonymous to people we know in real life.

He was a mixed up fellow, our relationship was amazing, and I continue to have a hard time getting over it.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

MY PSA for the biggest drinking day of the year....

If I'm being thankful...I suppose I could start with saying, I'm thankful I didn't die, or kill anyone two months ago when I decided to drive after having a few drinks. And got a DUI.

I won't lie and say it was the first time I ever did it. Which I'm sure many people can also relate too. But it is the first time I got caught.

Ah, yes, it all makes sense now, right? This happened the same night I had my purse stolen. And let me attest, that getting arrested in your bridesmaid dress, with no shoes on, is definately not awesome!

It's just not something I was ready to talk about for a while. And other than its wrong, here are some reasons you should not drink and drive. Especially not in a podunk town where its the only thing they have to do and they treat you like dog shit. My biggest gripe is that if I'd been caught in an actual city, they would've still treated me with some sort of respect, and let me get my shoes and purse from my car.

  • They tow your car. And if you have ever watched parking wars on A&E they really do make it impossible to get your car back. It took two days and a billion trips between the tow company, police station, and BMV.
  • You miss a lot of work
  • You have to find a ride everywhere
  • You lose your lisence. For 6 months.
  • You have to have those bright yellow plates on your car, that scream "im a drunk" because many people dont know that you do in fact, get these the first time.
  • You have to park 2 miles from work to avoid embaressment
  • You get an interlock device on your car, that you have to breathe into all the freaking time. Which you also have the honor of paying a monthly fee for.
  • You have an interlock device on your car, that adds time to your coming/going to work, and driving in between because it is annoying and causes you undue stress.
  • You have an interlock device on your car, even though you are only permitted to drive to and from work. Because everyone that gets a DUI gets drunk before work, right?
  • You pay a buttload of fines
  • You have to go to court. A LOT.
  • You have to pay for every peice of documentation that they make you have
  • You have to renew two sets of liscense plates in order not to lose your personalized plates
  • You have to go to a 3 day driver intervention program at a stupid rehab center, and receive an alchohol asessment.
  • You have to go to 3 days in jail directly after 3 days in your intervention program with "non violent criminals" which is still jail, and they will still look in my butthole upon arrival for contraband.
  • You have to carry high risk car insurance
  • You have to plan any drinking you still want to do. For instance, if I drink at 6:00 on a weekday I cant drink past 9:00 or I run the risk of still blowing a positive BAC test on my interlock and can't go to work the next day. So pretty much, just drink on Friday since you cant drive on the weekend anyway.
  • Yes that includes having a measley glass of wine, because I'm paranoid. If you get one fail you automatically lose your liscense for a year.
  • You learn how to get around in cabs
  • You have to pay $500 to get your liscense back.
  • You pay around $2000 in fines on top of all the other crap you pay for
  • You pay for your "intervention" program too, which is $350 bucks
  • You get to spend your vacation days in jail! And eat free food!
  • You learn to say "I can't come to your get together" a whole lot.
What I don't understand is how people become offenders more than once. Lesson learned? Uh, yea. And as my mom likes to point out at least I didn't hurt anyone. Yes...yes. You know buzzed driving is drunk driving! At least in the eyes of the law.

And I might as well share this on the interwebs because my personal account of information is among very few out there. I have had the hardest time finding information. And the laws have changed so drastically since anyone I know has gotten in this sorta trouble.

I mean, clearly, I am investing in a portable breathalyzer, and making everyone test before they drive their cars. One drink is too many, and trust me, no one cares how often, or how much you drink or had to drink, if you fail a breathalyzer.

One thing I did learn, is it is wiser to refuse to take a breath test, and plead no contest in court, because then there is no evidence. And you will lose your liscense 6 months either way.

It was always my understanding you should never refuse the test. You learn these things after the fact. You're welcome.

Monday, November 22, 2010


Friday night I went out with my lady friends, for a couple of cocktails, and then to paint pottery. We took a class on some different techniques and made ornaments. It'll be interesting to see how they turned out, it felt like the lady rushed us the whole time we were there. Not like the class was free or anything. bitch.

Saturday I had an amazingly perfect date. I felt 100% at home. We had Mexican at a place I'd never been, followed by Harry Potter. All mixed together with more laughs than I can ever put into words before, during, and after.

So what if I fell asleep during Harry Potter. I mean, we had margaritas and the movie started at 10:30, so really what would you expect?

Friday, November 19, 2010

Doncha Know I'm Loco...(Not really)

I don't know that I've mentioned how completely and totally at peace I feel in my life after 6 months of constant anxiousness, sleeplessness, and heartache. I'm happy to be out of that spot for sure! And I hope to continue to do so!

On to better things. Like, the Four Loko ban in Ohio. (and other states that I don't live in so therefore could care less about) Can I live my life without this delicious $2 drink? Sure! But that should be my choice. Not the FDA's. Do the ingredients kill people? I have them all the time. I'm sorry people drink too much and died, but I guess then I'm also sorry that the homeless guy at the intersection near home is homeless because he probably drinks too much too. Only I bet its not Four Loko. It's probably something way stronger! Like whiskey.

I am also sad that countless people die in alchohol related deaths, and accidents each year, but that is all a result of people not knowing their limits, making mistakes. People die, but until we are all walking around in bubbles, thats the way this life goes.

You take your own life into your hands every time you step out the door. Birds could poke your eyes out! You could fall down the stairs! A wild dog could attack you! Vampires could stalk you! So, should we have birds' beaks cut off? Pad all the stairs? Kill all the dogs? (not the puppies!) And battle vampires?

My beef with this is mostly that more and more choices are being taken away from us. I'm not really political, but I'm also no dummy. I have to pay an extra tax to tan, because its not good for me. The 1500 warnings posted in the salon didn't tell me that, so I have to pay more ...to drive the point home. It has nothing to do with making anyone richer.

I smoke, so I pay like $5 in taxes per pack of cigarettes, but thats my choice. I know they are dangerous. Kids are going to take the new reformulated Four Loko, and add red bull to it. Probably more than is already in the pre packaged drink, and more will die. And then who's fault is that? Red bull? Or the kids? When do things become a persons responsibility?

Is it the Honda's fault Joe Schmoe lost control and crashed into a family? Or is it a horrible mistake made by Joe?

You know what they are doing these days? Besides buying up all the sudafed, and making ME feel conspicuous when I have to sign for this LEGAL drug at the pharmacy counter, and wonder how many times is too many before I'm flagged as a meth head?

Their huffing fermented poop to get high.

Look for poop to be banned soon. You will all be ordered to stop pooping, because kids could steal your old poop and sniff it until they are in such a poop stupor, that they probably die. When I was a stupid kid, we took cold tablets. I bet if you take enough cold tablets you can die. So everyone should have to suffer with colds, and have them banned? Please.

Too much of anything is bad. I think you learn this the first time you eat a whole package of zero bars in a day. Or a whole gallon of ice cream. Or a whole two liter of coke. Or drink beer, and wine, and vodka, and pucker, and you get so sick first you eat some guy on the streets chili cheese fries in the flats of Cleveland of all places....and then your Mom has to pick you up cus even your own husband abandoned you to wallow in your own puke. What? You havn't done those things?

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Running Away Would Be Better For Me...

I woke up at 2 am from a dream that was one that you couldn't wake up from. There was a ton of bunnies, and kittens that were outside, and I decided that I had to rescue them. I started picking them up by the handfuls and running them to my Moms house.

The funny part about this is my mom is totally against anything with fur being in her house, as they shed on her things. She made up beds for them in her own bedroom and told me to put them in there. They were afraid of something, and on my second or third trip, they started following after me.

I was the pied piper of bunnies and kittens.

I'm all about dream analysis so I looked this up. Rescue signifies something you are neglecting in yourself, or you will be esteemed for good deeds. Hopping rabbits mean fertility. And cats an independence.

I don't think I'm neglecting my fertility or independence. And I most positively don't want to be repaid for my good deeds by fertility!

Those bunnies better not be trying to hippity hop their way into my womb cus this lady is yet to make up her mind about that one way or another.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Love Lessons...

I use to date this guy, who was a huge star wars nerd. Well, pretty much he was a nerd in general but he sure loved star wars.

He had all his childhood toys stashed away, and reveled in the ever popular collection of new toys, that never came out of their packages.
"They will be worth money some day" Yes, when they are pried from your cold dead hands! Nerds always say that, but seriously, they never intend to sell them, so why mention it?

As if that wasnt bad enough, he had several rooms dedicated to hanging toys on the wall. He made it an official past time to surf ebay and amazon for new toys. And the amount of glee he got at their arrival, was kind of embaressing.

I moved in with this guy. Knowing this about him. Despite his Star TREK collectible plates perfectly lined up on the wall along his windows in the um..living room. He was the first guy that was nice to me, and a lesson learned is that it takes more than nice to make a relationship work. Attraction helps. A lot. Even if theres a little. How do you have make up sex when the thought of sex with someone disgusts you?

This was my first lesson in not listening to what people say when it comes to love. If you don't feel it you don't feel it! "he'll be good to you" is something I think they said in the 50's. Because if you didn't find a man to be good to you, you'd be selling it on the streets. Did they sell it in the 50's? I duno.

This is the millenium!

I could go on forever about the women to men tolerance ratio being disgustingly uneven....leave your shit all over the house? thats ok! Don't clean the poop tracks out of your toilet? so what! live on eating only meat, and butter? Thats understandable! leave your beard hairs all over the sink? Ok! When do we get married? Drool in your sleep? Adorable!
Have you ever dated a nerd? Or a guy who left poop tracks in the toilet? I've dated both. And then some!

Monday, November 15, 2010

AT&T Phone Home...

I've been without the internet. Oh...pretty much forever. There was a time for like 6 months where I had it. And then my computer died from my undying devotion to limewire, and its disease ridden music. *sigh*

I got that work from home gig w/cha cha right, so I need the internet. I get a laptop from a friend, and have been now trying to get the internet since October.

Did you say trying?

Yes. I said trying.

I went with AT&T because I hate the cable company (time warner) in my area, and if you bundle with Direct Tv which I have adored for the last 7 years, your internet is $14/month for the $45 teir, and $10 off my cable bill so technically my internet is $4 a month.

That's called womens logic...spending money to save money. Gotta love it.

So far, my interaction has gone as such:

10/25 call to set up service. Ask if i can use the modem i already have.

10/25 call tech support go over modem specs, sure, modem will work, just need a new plug

10/27 buy new plug for modem, $27

11/5 My appointment for internet. Get home, no internet. Call tech support. Well its hooked up why doesnt it work? Go thru a billion tests.Wrong modem.

11/5 Buy $75 modem at Best Buy. Call Tech Support. No internet. Oh yea, I see here, that they noted on your account that they needed access to your apartment.

11/5 Why wasn't I informed that they needed access? They couldn't know why, they are simply customer service. Reschedule for 11/10 - with a note to call so I can give them the access they didn't have prior. Oh I see here we rescheduled your appointment, they left you a note. A note? Um, no note. No call. No nothin.

11/10 AT&T never calls. I go home, try net. No net. Call them. Um....why didn't they come out? Oh, it says here they came out and hooked you up. How can they have done that when they came out a week ago and needed access and now they don't? Oh they couldn't tell me why, they are simply customer service.

11/10 we're going to have to reschedule your appointment for friday the 12th. Someone has to test your lines. Oh, cus that couldn't be done when i took off work today and you never showed up? ok.

11/12 leave work at 3:30 to make my 4-8 window. Get an ELECTRONIC PHONE CALL at 7:30 that they were unable to make my appointment. They would have to come tomorrow 8-5. Tomorrow meaning, Saturday.

11/13 stay home on a Saturday that I had things to do, and never got a service call, or a courtesy call that they were not coming.

11/14 8am AT&T starts calling. After I had been out drinking four lokos and pudding shots the night before. Besides isn't today sunday? Didn't you say Saturday? Yes, I thought so!

11/14 AT&T shows up at my house, and decides that my phone jacks were disconnected during the remodel of my duplex.

11/15 Me, still no internet. Have to call landlords.

I would think most other internet providers would've not taken 3 weeks to figure out my jack wasn 't working.

Thursday, November 11, 2010


I'm not sure how other places work, but growing up in Ohio, it always seemed like our sports teams were the suck. Except for Ohio State, who from what I hear never seems to disappoint.

I havn't been to a Cav's game since the whole lebron phenominon. Prior to Lebron, you could find tickets to a game laying in the streets. No one went. I dated a guy who had season tickets, and we were there with like 20 other people. Seriously.

(Right around the time the Cavaliers underwent their makeover. From orange and blue to wine and gold)

It was a lot of fun to go this time, post lebron (cus even though I dont like sports i really didnt like him) to see that all the seats were filled, and the game was close right up until the very last second, and everyone stayed to support the team.

I may have had alterior motives for cheering them on (a free chalupa if they hit 100 points, or if the other team doesnt score 80) but after they surpassed my free food expectations, I still wanted the team to win.

Despite my hatred for sports, and especially squeaky basketball sneakers, I had a good time! Even though we still had to pay $10 to park, AND THEN walk 2 miles. (my biggest Cleveland complaint besides traffic, is their ridiculous parking prices! I'm from the little city down South, we don't roll that way. We have things like.. free parking. Or Parking for a dollar! And free concerts every week! And mostly our homeless hang out around the shelter, and don't venture too far to hassel you at every turn)

Fun, that is..until my brother texted me that my being at the game made their winning streak stop.

We're a really loving family. Can you tell?

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Life and Chocolate...

So much has been going on!

I got a new phone.

I still don't have the internet at home, AT&T sucks at service.

I bought new jeans.

I'm having a secret love affair.

Oh, and I got our company suite for tonights Cav's game. Boo ya!

Maybe this isn't alot for you, but it's pretty overwhelming to me!

Friday, November 05, 2010

Just a Dream...

I can't get enough of this new Nelly song. I think its my official song. Too bad I don't get the official paycheck from said song sales. Or better yet, number of times its played, because I alone, would pay my annual salary in song playage. Love.

I got two whole hours of sleep last night. I might have to break down and take my sleeping prescription.

Maybe being in a trazadone fog is better than not sleeping. I can feel sick coming on from it.

Wait, wasn't I just sick for 8 weeks? Yes. Yes, I was, and it was awesome!

I'm covering the windows this weekend w/plastic. I know you wish you were me. I really...really miss having a man around sometimes. Yes, I can do it. Yes, I ALWAYS do it..but I would just rather hold the scissors and tape, and tell him he looks cute or something. Manual labor equals the suckage!

Speaking of single, I feel like everyones token single girl. Like everyone wants to hook me up with every single person they know. Like I'm the last single girl on earth. Like I'm some oddity people just have to see...it makes me feel used. Sorta. I'm 100% uninterested in anyone right now. I'm on hiatus! officially. When the universe is ready to send me love it will. I keep telling folks I'm not ready.

Like, moving on with someone else just makes it all go away. I think I proved that theory wrong already. It's still here.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Cheap isn't a bad thing...

I just ordered a blackberry 8530. In purple. I know that by now everyone in the world has one, but I am a) cheap, and waited until it was FREE, and b) always the last to get everything.

I mean, I don't even have the internet, or a computer. Well, I do sort of now, I'm borrowing a friends laptop, and JUST got the internet.

Speaking of cheap - it was 28 degrees last night and guess who wont turn her gas heat on? Me. I have a space heater, and me and the furkids all hunkered down in the bedroom at a comfortable 65 degrees.

I also turn my gas hot water tank to "vacation" until 1/2 hour before doing dishes, or taking a shower. And 99% of the time I don't shower at home, because I work out at the work gym and shower there. I cover my windows w/plastic, and when I do turn the heat on its only to 50, and I use space heaters wherever I am at the time. And I rarely use the gas stove. I also signed up with a cheaper gas supplier the last two years.

And I prefer a $5 jug of carlo rossi over a $25 bottle of wine.

I'm so freaking efficient, it's a damn shame I'm single.

Don't you wonder what my gas bill must be in the winter? My highest bill was $60. (In the summer its $8-$10) My highest electric you ask? Also $60.

I do all this so I can afford $20 shampoos, and $50 moisterizers. Don't let me fool you.

Monday, November 01, 2010

You Know You Want Me..

I went to the annual Halloween party, the one we usually grace with our presence. Its a bonfire/garage party with a DJ and smoke and lights, and lots of dancing. And, probably lots of drinking too. Last year exasshole manfriend went with me. I thought I'd be sad about it, but instead I dressed up as a pink haired witch and drank vodka.

Nothing helps a broken heart like pink hair and vodka. Oh, and friends. And a real drunk friend to occupy your time.

All at once it seems one of my girlfriends spiraled out of control. I went to the bathroom, and when I got back my friends told me my she was humping a guy by the fire. I'd have never let that happen, so then it was my job to babysit.

Next, she was inside singing pants on the ground...with her pants on the ground. In her panties. So I had to make her pull them up, as funny as she thought it was. First I took a picture to show her the next day. Like you wouldn't?

Then, I had to casually dance saved her from her vodka goggles as she was grinding on the dance floor with someone ginormous, and it wasn't the costume, who probably thought he was getting super lucky that night.

All at once, she was outside puking. Game over. Like a good friend I sat in the back of the car and let her put her head on my lap. And had a plastic bag and told her a billion times the classic Garth line "if you're gonna spew...spew into this". Then it felt warm on my lap. She puked all over my witchy costume. Actually..it was Mommas witchy costume. Sorry Momma.

We were dropped at my moms house since it was close to the party where I had to take off her pants so she could pee, and she peed all over me in the meantime. Like, really. And I pulled back her barfy hair, gave her a puke bucket, and got her to bed.

This is reasons 455,459,987 and 455,459,988 I don't want kids. One, they make you drink to stupidity (cus she has two kids) and they ruin your nice chocolate and whipped cream vodka buzz. I was feelin pretty good til I had to sober up and take care of my drunk friend.

Do you ever see boys help each other? Usually they laugh and let each other pass out in the yard, and draw permanent marker penises on their heads. I'm glad I'm a girl, and I have good friends!