"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort










Tuesday, February 19, 2013

When Shit Gets Real..

 
I had my annual free biometric screening at work. No problem, right? I am a pillar of health, I eat right, exercise 6 days+ a week, and I always pass these things with flying colors, and usually get many kudos on how fantastic I am doing!

I will say, I was a bit scared this time around. This time they included a vascular screen, where they take an ultrasound of your major arteries. My Dad died of an aneurysm. I was terrified they would find I had some sort of build up, or blockage.

But, everything was yet again, perfect!

Oh, with one exception. For the first time ever, my blood pressure was elevated. I'm not hypertensive, but I am pre-hypertensive, and that is enough for me!

When I went for my consultation, the first thing she asked after looking at my results, but not reading my history sheet was...."are you a smoker?"

Ehhhh.....yes?

The fact that I am working out so much is forcing my heart to pump even harder into capalaries that I constrict from smoking.  I'm being counterproductive! I could develop heart disease. Have a stroke. Or yes, just like my father, die of an aneurysm. Boom! That just happens, no warning!

Ummm...shit just got real.

I shared with the Dr. my greatest fear of quitting smoking (gaining the 90 lbs I lost back). I smoke way more since I shed 90 pounds than I did when I was heavy. I traded one addiction (food)  for another (nicotine).

So my new task is to find out what I am trying to hide from with these addictions, before I replace them with another.

I have some ideas as to what my inner demons may be. But I am having a hard time grasping it, since I "feel" like such a happy person. I "feel" at peace with myself.

I guess there are some things I have hidden from for many years, and once I start to face them, I am hoping it will set me free!

I am working so hard to be healthy, so I want to be healthy.

This is going to be a long hard struggle, but one that I am ready to embrace.

2 comments:

Carolyn G said...

Good Luck! I know you can do it!

Debbie @ Live from La Quinta said...

I agree with Carolyn. You can do it! I've been nagging you for a while. Now it's time.