When Shit Gets Real..

I had my annual free biometric screening at work. No problem, right? I am a pillar of health, I eat right, exercise 6 days+ a week, and I always pass these things with flying colors, and usually get many kudos on how fantastic I am doing!

I will say, I was a bit scared this time around. This time they included a vascular screen, where they take an ultrasound of your major arteries. My Dad died of an aneurysm. I was terrified they would find I had some sort of build up, or blockage.

But, everything was yet again, perfect!

Oh, with one exception. For the first time ever, my blood pressure was elevated. I'm not hypertensive, but I am pre-hypertensive, and that is enough for me!

When I went for my consultation, the first thing she asked after looking at my results, but not reading my history sheet was...."are you a smoker?"

Ehhhh.....yes?

The fact that I am working out so much is forcing my heart to pump even harder into capalaries that I constrict from smoking.  I'm being counterproductive! I could develop heart disease. Have a stroke. Or yes, just like my father, die of an aneurysm. Boom! That just happens, no warning!

Ummm...shit just got real.

I shared with the Dr. my greatest fear of quitting smoking (gaining the 90 lbs I lost back). I smoke way more since I shed 90 pounds than I did when I was heavy. I traded one addiction (food)  for another (nicotine).

I am working so hard to lose weight, so I want to be healthy.

Food Addiction....

I talk alot about working out, and staying on track with workouts, and how I am able to stay committed to this aspect of weight loss, which is a struggle for me in itself....but I guess I don't touch much on the subject of food and what a huge role it plays for me in everyday life.


Food is a huge issue for me. You don't get to be over 250 lbs because you are lazy, and don't like to work out. It happens because of what you put into your body, and how much.

I am a food addict. Like any addiction, it is a day to day struggle. And it never goes away. Never!

In high school I managed my weight by throwing up my food. I ate whatever I wanted in huge amounts, and spent most of my time barfing. It's a horrible cycle, and it makes you feel disgusting. You lose control for those few moments of your own mind and body... and eat so much that you have to vomit to even feel functional again.

As a healthy adult, I limit what I keep in my home. I know my triggers. Carbs, sugar, and snack foods. I can only keep fresh foods at home.

I have the urge to over eat every day, and I still do from time to time, but now, I don't throw it up. Instead, I let myself sit with the discomfort of overeating so I will remember how horrible it feels. I know that I have to put in extra time at the gym to make up for it, and cut back calories until it is a healthy balance. Sometimes it takes 2 weeks to make up for all those extra calories, and it is soooo not worth it!!

No one is making me eat healthy. It is my choice. If I ate what my mind told me I wanted, I would have a body that I am not happy in.

Feeling good in my skin, and having more energy is more important to me than indulging every day in whatever my mind tells me that I want. I am in control of what I put into my body. My body is not in control of me!!!!

With that said...I have my moments. I indulge. I have things I know I shouldn't. I am not perfect. I spend a lot of time fantasizing about what I want to eat on cheat days.(which I try to limit to twice a month, every pay day... sometimes more, let's be honest...but as a rule, it is twice a month).

The only failure is not getting back on track! One bad day does not define your weight loss journey!!



I dropped 45lbs just by becoming active. But that can only get you so far. After a while, you are working out to eat. You are maintaining a weight, but it may not be your goal, something has to give!

So, I went to a "clean" diet, upped my workouts, and added in running...I ate nothing processed, and dropped another 65lbs. I remember being amazed the weeks I dropped 6lbs....it seemed so easy, after a lifetime of struggle! Starving, over-working out, diets, only to fail, and put on more weight than I'd lost.

I've been on "maintenance" for about a year. Breakfast is my biggest meal, meaning I have my carbs...an english muffin, or sometimes a bagel with my eggs and spinich. (when I have a bagel angels sing!!)

You don't just lose weight, and then go back to your old lifestyle. It is work. Every day. Keeping up with workouts to balance out the food intake. It's hard. If it were magic, we would all have hot bodies!! Struggle is not even the best word, I like to think of it as torture. But I don't convey that very often.

The bottom line...



Weight loss isn't easy. Eating healthy, is not easy. I think we all have a misconception that we will wake up one day and "get it" and be cured. The only thing you "get" is your goal. Keep your mind on that, and you will get there!

I don't think enough people are honest about what it takes to lose weight. I have never had a day where I woke up and decided that having 1200 calories was the best idea in the world. Or that I couldn't wait to go running, lift weights, or sometimes do two hour workouts.

So, if you are struggling with losing weight, I hear you! I have been doing it forever! I may have gotten the weight off, but I am still at war with my mind each and every day about what I need to do physically, and what I have to put into my body. Just remember, there are millions of other people in the world that would love to eat a box of ho-ho's or an entire pizza....but we choose not to.

You are not alone!